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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Think I was spiked?

71 replies

jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 17:13

Hi. Really upset and feeling guilty. I have no idea what happened last night. I went out for drinks but only had a few cocktails which is really not enough to get me really really drunk. However I was completely out of it. I don’t know anything that happened and all I remember is this morning my flat mate was shouting at a male friend to get out of my bed and I was naked(???) but he wasn’t? I’m in a relationship and feel like I’ve cheated but I literally have no idea or recollection of what happened so don’t know if anything did. I’m so confused and upset and don’t know what to do and whether to tell my boyfriend or not because I really don’t think I put myself in that position, the friend is 100% not someone I’m attracted to etc and I’m very happy in my relationship? So upset

OP posts:

Daisydoola · 22/12/2019 19:15

I think I would reply to your make friend's message asking him what exactly he though happened?

As if you know, but you want to see what he thinks.

Yetanotherwinter · 22/12/2019 19:43

They won’t make you report it at all. They will gather evidence from you and examine you to make sure you’re ok, take blood, urine. The idea is that if you change your mind at a later date you can go to the Police if you choose. They will also have access to counselling if you decide you want to talk to someone. They’re very professional and kind. They won’t make you feel uncomfortable. They will also discuss sexual health, just in case something has happened. Good luck x

Original poster

jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 19:49

So I asked him what happened and he said he was only there for 5 mins and nothing happened. I just don’t know why he was there in the first place or why I was naked. I just feel so confused man. I’m going to get the morning after pill tomorrow just in case anyway.

OP posts:

SmellMySmellbow · 22/12/2019 22:50

Did you actually ask "why were you there at all?" If not, do. If you did, how did he react/respond?

SmellMySmellbow · 22/12/2019 22:51

And what's he asking you to keep quiet about? You need to get him to give you some answers.

MadeForThis · 22/12/2019 23:00

Why keep quiet then? His story doesn't make sense. Did something happen before he took you home?

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 23:08

I know a bit about this because about six weeks ago a good friend of mine experienced something similar after drinking 3-4 cocktails on a night out.

She rang 111 and was advised to go to A&E for a blood test. The Police met her there and she then attended another medical centre where they carried out more tests. I attended A&E with her but her family went with her to the second centre.

Afterwards, she said the police and medical professionals had been fantastic, although it had been a gruelling day for obvious reasons.

The tests all came back negative in her case, no sign of assault or spiking.

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 23:11

Obviously my friend chose to contact the police but you can attend A&E for a blood test.

She was never not believed or made to feel like a time waster, treated with absolute kindness. If you are worried it will put your mind to rest.

DonG30 · 22/12/2019 23:36

Your gp can do a piss test to see if there are drugs in your system

Graphista · 22/12/2019 23:47

Up to you if you report or not but you may find the police are already aware of the issue as it can happen as a group strike thing.

I had similar happen to me years ago (and I'm paranoid about watching drinks which made it worse as chances are it was a "friend" who did it)

Dr can test for the usual suspects but sometimes it's something new. They can also make an estimate of what you were spiked with from symptoms and treat accordingly.

They can also check for sexual activity and take any evidence in case you change your mind and want to report later. It also means what happened to you is documented.

And of course they can prescribe emergency contraception and follow up with you on that type of thing.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you it's truly a shit thing to go through.

Get and take support from wherever you can get it whenever you need to, you might not feel the need right now but don't let that put you off getting support in the future

Original poster

jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 23:52

No not really asking him more I just want to cut him off and leave it at that as I don’t really want to knowing. I already feel like a cheater and I don’t know what happened, I don’t want to know if something did happen I don’t think I could live with the guilt.

Not going to hospital I just don’t want to deal with it really I’m going to take the approach of blocking him on everything and pretending it didn’t happen. I’m so uncomfortable about it all

OP posts:

Kko1986 · 23/12/2019 06:42

Hey op, no one can make you do anything you are in shock.
The one thing I would say is you cant let this fester as it will impact your mental health. So take your time have you checked your phone records of who you text and called last night? Could be an indicator of time? Also you said the last bar you remember is the one you worked at? Could you speak to someone you trust there? Remember mumsnet is always here for you to talk to people and bounce ideas off. Please dont feel alone

Helpfullilly · 23/12/2019 07:25

You've had a traumatic experience, whether or not you were sexually assaulted. Please consider getting some support for yourself when you are ready.

It was absolutely not your fault whether you were spiked or drunk, you would have been in no fit state to consent to anything. Certainly not a 'friend' getting into bed with you while you were undressed. That, in itself, is worthy of reporting. There is nothing innocent about it, and you know that.

It must be very frightening and upsetting, and awful not to know what might have been done to you.

I am worried you will try to pretend it never happened and not tell people who could help you out of embarrassment and shame.

What would you say to a friend in this situation? I sometimes find looking at things that way helps me get a better perspective on really difficult things.

Helpfullilly · 23/12/2019 07:27

I also wonder if there might be CCTV of what happened, which if you did choose to report or even spoke to bar, could shed some light on things.

BarbaraStrozzi · 23/12/2019 07:38

Oh you poor thing

As a pp said, if you were spiked, it needn't necessarily have been with drugs - slipping a double vodka into every cocktail while you weren't looking would achieve the same.

Spiked or not, the guy is a bastard and a rapey piece of shit. Do not reply to any of his texts - he will be trying to create an electronic fake "evidence" trail to establish you're still on good terms so it must have been "consensual."

You did not cheat - you were drunk to the point of blackout.

I think MAP as a precaution would be a good idea. Your GP probably has DIY STD tests you can pick up and do in the privacy of your own bathroom

A trip to a SAFE centre is a good idea - if you think it would help you.

Mumdiva99 · 23/12/2019 07:47

If he's a good friend is it possible he just wanted to make sure you were safe. If you were very drunk or drugged maybe you were a little inappropriate to him and that's what he wants to not mention today (maybe he likes you and thought his luck was in - but is now embarrassed as even he knows if he'd acted on it then it would have been inappropriate in your state). The fact you were naked and he wasn't fits with his version of events that he'd only been there a few minutes.)

If you don't want to report this then chalk it up to experience, watch your dinks being made and never leave them alone again. Drink more slowly in case it was just alcohol (as you've worked in the bar before is it likely they made you special strong drinks last night?)

Bluewavescrashing · 23/12/2019 07:54

Sorry you have been through this OP.

How many cocktails did you have? Sorry if I missed that--I can just see 'a few' on your post. Did you have any other drinks? Did you eat anything before going out? How long did it take to have all the drinks?

Not trying to place the blame on you at all. Personally I can get very drunk very quickly on not much alcohol which might explain the blackout. Being drunk does not excuse rape or assault in any way. Waking up naked next to a stranger must be terrifying.

Please get checked out and take the morning after pill as a precaution.

Karwomannghia · 23/12/2019 08:04

I don’t like the sound of this man at all. Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? He was only there for 5 minutes then, but maybe he’d been there before and was checking up on the situation. I would go to the hospital. Take care you’ve done nothing wrong.

Original poster

jinglebells83646 · 23/12/2019 10:40

^^ no the bar wouldn’t have made my drinks stronger due to previously working there as it’s one of those places with a crazy high staff turnover so I didn’t even recognise the staff who served me.

Don’t think any of the bars would have cctv (that particular bar my friend had her phone stolen in and their cctv was rubbish) and the rest of the bars in my area are a bit shitholey 😬

Feel a bit better after a good sleep, it’s just the guilt more than anything. And I’ve never ever been drunk enough to forget the night and I really can’t remember anything but odd flashes which is stressing me out so much

OP posts:

iamclaireandfleabag · 24/12/2019 01:35

@Graphista

No one can check for sexual activity. Swabs can be taken for the presence of DNA but they will only be processed if the police decide to send them off. It's an absolute myth that clinicians can look at somebody and say if they have had sex or not

ferntwist · 26/12/2019 07:52

OP so sorry this has happened to you. It definitely sounds like you we’re spiked. You mustn’t feel guilty at all. I hope he doesn’t get the chance to do this to anyone else. I would report it to try to stop that from happening. He may have a record already b

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