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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think I was spiked?

71 replies

jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 17:13

Hi. Really upset and feeling guilty. I have no idea what happened last night. I went out for drinks but only had a few cocktails which is really not enough to get me really really drunk. However I was completely out of it. I don’t know anything that happened and all I remember is this morning my flat mate was shouting at a male friend to get out of my bed and I was naked(???) but he wasn’t? I’m in a relationship and feel like I’ve cheated but I literally have no idea or recollection of what happened so don’t know if anything did. I’m so confused and upset and don’t know what to do and whether to tell my boyfriend or not because I really don’t think I put myself in that position, the friend is 100% not someone I’m attracted to etc and I’m very happy in my relationship? So upset

OP posts:
Original poster
jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 17:50

@Yetanotherwinter well I don’t know. I don’t think so? I really don’t remember but I’m not like sore or anything

OP posts:
Original poster
jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 17:51

If I go to hospital will they make me report it?

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 22/12/2019 17:52

You keep saying that you might have cheated voluntarily but if you were so drunk (or spiked) that you remember nothing, you were not able to consent to anything. Someone taking advantage of you is abuse and not cheating.

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/12/2019 17:52

No Jinglebells they won't make you report it. That is up to you.

MaxNormal · 22/12/2019 17:52

The hospital won't make you report anything if you don't want to.

Patroclus · 22/12/2019 17:53

Dont get showered yet either until you make a definite decision.

Celebelly · 22/12/2019 17:53

Please go to the police or at least to hospital to have a rape kit done. You've woken up naked in bed with someone and have no memory of what happened. Is there any sign of sexual intercourse having taken place? Check bins etc for a condom.

puds11 · 22/12/2019 17:56

No they won’t, but they will be able to test you, give you advice and point you towards counselling services. If you decided to report it then they can contact the police for you.

I think at the very least you should have an STI check but please do consider full tests. It’s awful but you may feel differently in a few days once it’s sunken in so it is worth having the evidence. Also keep the message from the ‘friend’.

pregantandengaged · 22/12/2019 17:57

If you don't know what happened/can't remember you haven't consented to him being in your bed. He crossed a line just getting into bed with you.

I get that you don't want to report him, and many women wouldn't. But you definitely have grounds on just what you have said in here.

DelphiniumBlue · 22/12/2019 17:57

What does your flatmate say? Was he/she aware of when you got home, who with etc?
And the friend you were with,what do they say? You need to pick up the phone and talk to them, don't just message.
I don't think you would not remember things ( whole chunks of an evening) just through drinking too much, sounds like your drink was spiked.Especially as you say you only had 2 cocktails.

doublebarrellednurse · 22/12/2019 17:57

Please take care of your health, get tested and examined before it's too late. You'll be able to make a decision later but the facts are this:

You have no memory of the night and therefore could not consent to being naked in a bed with a man

You may not feel sore but would you normally from normal sex? If you were completely compliant you may not feel sore.

He is telling you not to tell anyone which is very sketchy. Why not? Guilt would be my best bet.

You have all kinds of options but they get smaller the longer you wait. You don't have to report and no one can make you.

Original poster
jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 17:57

I really don’t think there was any sex. I’m fucking worried as shit because I’m not on contraception either (me and boyfriend aren’t worried if anything happens) and I’m very irregular so now I’m bricking it that if something has happened??? Oh man I just want to erase everything

OP posts:
Original poster
jinglebells83646 · 22/12/2019 18:03

Talked to my flat mate and she said she thinks he was only in the house for 5 minutes because she heard the door and then came to see me not long after. Very unlikely that anything happened in that time right especially as he was clothed?

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 22/12/2019 18:03

You can get some emergency contraception OP, at least that would be one thing off your mind.

A friend of mine was spiked a couple of years ago (we’re middle aged women ffs). What you’re describing sounds like her experience. It’s not your fault.

doublebarrellednurse · 22/12/2019 18:05

Who the fuck is this guy? He sounds creepy as fuck

doublebarrellednurse · 22/12/2019 18:05

Also just because he came back doesn't mean he wasn't there and then left iykwim

Celebelly · 22/12/2019 18:07

My friend had her drink spiked when out and it was one of the scariest things. We were walking across the dance floor chatting normally, I bent down to put my bag down, heard a crash, turned round and she was flat out on the floor unconscious. It literally happened within seconds. There was a very pushy guy who kept trying to get me away from her, and had I had my wits about me more I would have taken more notice of him as we are pretty sure he was the culprit. So don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. It can happen to any one of us.

Sicario · 22/12/2019 18:10

Very much sounds like you were spiked. I was spiked in a club once and was woken up by the bouncer when the club closed, passed out in a corner, all my belongings missing, no recollection of what had happened. I had had ONE drink.

Feelingabitashamed · 22/12/2019 18:11

So it was 3 single vodkas and 3 passoas- about 17%. I don't know your usual alcohol tolerance, whether you had eaten etc but that doesn't seem a lot to make you black out drunk.

It is strange that the man with you asked you to keep it quiet. Even if he had just helped you to get home and was worried about causing trouble in your respective relationships, why was he still in the room in the morning? If seriously concerned he could've called an ambulance or your flatmate.

Even if you're not sure about what you want to do re the police, could you ask them.to take a sample in case you remember anything concerning or otherwise change your mind (perhaps get any more suspicious messages from him).

iamclaireandfleabag · 22/12/2019 18:11

Google sexual assault referral centre and you will find your nearest. This is the place to go rather than hospital. Talk to them about your options. You don't have to report anything to the police and they can see you as a self referral. They will look after your physical and emotional health first and foremost (including emergency contraception). You can take underwear/clothing for storage and you can have a forensic examination if you want to with any samples stored for up to 7 years to make a decision. What ever you decide, you are not at fault here.

Feelingabitashamed · 22/12/2019 18:12

Sorry cross post with where you said he wasn't there long. Can you get the emergency contraceptive just in case?

knewyouwerewaiting · 22/12/2019 18:13

What is this man asking you not to tell?

Howzaboutye · 22/12/2019 18:15

I went out with a friend and her drink was spiked. I looked after her and got her home to her flat & boyfriend who looked after her.

However you were not looked after.
If I were you I would get the morning after pill. It works for many hours after intercourse.
Bett than a termination in a few weeks.

labazsisgoingmad · 22/12/2019 18:36

Rape Crisis may be able to help you or at least you would have someone to talk to or The Samaritans of course

Feelingabitashamed · 22/12/2019 19:08

Patroclus I wondered that too (taking a urine sample at home). I suppose the only thing is maybe it couldn't be proven when the sample was produced. Don't know if anyone could suggest differently

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