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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much will I embarrass myself if...

34 replies

UhOhItsChristmas · 22/12/2019 13:50

... I ask my ex to have sex with me.

We’ve been in contact a bit. It’s been a while for me and it was really good with him.

Would I massively embarrass myself? Or make him think less of me?

To be clear I don’t want a relationship with him or a friends with benefits thing, just a one off scratch the itch type thing.

OP posts:
Mishappening · 22/12/2019 13:51

Whatever happened to DIY?

halocompanach · 22/12/2019 13:52

A lot, don't go there OP. Have some self respect, you deserve better.

Biscusting · 22/12/2019 13:52

I would be having a good look for my self esteem first. Either that or hopefully Santa will bring some.

Spied · 22/12/2019 13:55

Bit of an awkward askGrin
I wouldn't.
Although you may feel empoweredConfused

Original poster
UhOhItsChristmas · 22/12/2019 14:55

@Mishappening I tried that but there’s this thing he does that I just can’t do to myself. It’s not the same Wink

My self esteem isn’t great at the moment and with Christmas and everyone doing family/couple things I think I’m feeling being alone a bit. Just wanted to spend a bit of time with someone I like and feel comfortable with. Don’t even know how I’d go about asking him though to be honest.

OP posts:
Selfsettling3 · 22/12/2019 14:57

It’s sounds like it’s not sex you want but a relationship, if that’s the case then definitely don’t ask him.

Butterymuffin · 22/12/2019 14:58

Do you have kids with him? If so I would really avoid anything that made it awkward when you have continued contact. If you could walk away at any time and never need to see him again it's less risky.

Sherloidbaisherloid · 22/12/2019 16:35

I wouldn’t ask, you never know if old feelings might surface and you leave yourself in a position to be hurt/used. Get yourself a Christmas present from Ann summers!

BaubleTheLumpOfCoal · 22/12/2019 17:03

How long have you been separated?
Any children?

It's much more complex than should I ask him OP Grin

Namethecat · 22/12/2019 17:05

Not if he is attached.

ElloBrian · 22/12/2019 17:06

Why did you split in the first place?

JumpyLiz · 22/12/2019 17:06

This is the kind of thing you could do if your self esteem was through the roof.

Don’t do it if it’s not, it’s asking for heartache.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/12/2019 17:07

You’ll make yourself feel like crap whether he says yes or no.

MajesticWhine · 22/12/2019 17:18

It doesn't sound like a good idea tbh. Think through the possibilities. If he says no, then you feel a bit foolish and it knocks your confidence. If he says yes: you get your night of fun, but would you end up feeling low and wistful, and still a bit lonely?

LonginesPrime · 22/12/2019 17:21

My self esteem isn’t great at the moment

Your plan is guaranteed to make it worse.

Learn to satisfy yourself so you don't have to go asking people you don't even want to be with to have sex with you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/12/2019 17:58

Come on op. There are plenty of blokes out there who are up for a shag. You ex isn’t the only man on the planet.

Mistlewoe · 22/12/2019 18:06

I did this once with an ex. It was not as good. And not worth it all, especially because he thought he was in with me again. Took a long time to shake him off.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2019 18:07

3.5 odd billion men on the planet.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 22/12/2019 18:07

Join tinder??

I mean a black bag could score a shag on there...

With regards to the ex, never go back is the rule to live by.

recrudescence · 22/12/2019 18:10

No.

SmileyClare · 22/12/2019 18:11

You're feeling low and a bit vulnerable; this is such a bad idea. It's not about the embarrassment, or getting your rocks off, more that you're feeling lonely and craving human contact, love and attention.

If you think you'd like to try again with your ex then that's different. As you say, you like him, feel comfortable with him and want to sleep with him? Perhaps it's worth another try? Think about what you actually want (and deserve!)

Not everyone is coupled up or playing happy families at Christmas, dont believe all the crap on tv or FB. Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 22/12/2019 18:12

He might have a new gf.

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2019 18:13

My self esteem isn’t great at the moment and with Christmas and everyone doing family/couple things I think I’m feeling being alone a bit.

Don't ask him for sex then in case he turns you down.

You don't sound as though you could handle that right now.

BraveGoldie · 22/12/2019 18:17

If you split for mutual reasons that didn't involve either of you being crap to the other, you are both single and you feel it would be uncomplicated, then maybe....

Not sure I would 'ask' though.... surely you get yourself into that situation and see if the signals you send are responded to, check with yourself you still want it if things start to progress.... etc.... rather than contract yourself out?

NameChangeNugget · 22/12/2019 18:24

Join tinder??

I mean a black bag could score a shag on there...

This is so true, guys with no social skills, with faces only their Mothers would love and are very overweight who I work with, get so much action on Tinder they can be picky. Go for it!