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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that neither the colour of my hair or number of piercings i have is anything to do with my mother?

29 replies

purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 11:59

hi - i am a regular but have namechanged as my mum stalks me on mn! she's a bit of a control freak, doesn't really understand the meaning of privacy and really objects to the number of piercings and tattoos i have. now she's started in on me dyeing my hair, which i stopped while i was pg. she says it makes me a bad mother (wtf??) and that ds will be mocked in school for the way i look (he's 7months, so to say she's looking ahead is an understatement!!)

whatever your views on tattoos/piercings are, and i appreciate they're not everyone's cup of tea, AIBU to think it's no-one's business but my own how i look? and am i damaging ds by the way i look? stupid i know, but pfb and all...

OP posts:
LadyVictoriaOfCake · 25/08/2007 12:00

no you arent.

my dd's lvoe it when i show up up school with pink hair. my piercings arent anyones concern but my own either.

Kbear · 25/08/2007 12:01

You look the way you want to look - no one else's business!

Original poster
purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 12:01

thanks md. how's peter doing? is there a progress thread somewhere i've missed?

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 25/08/2007 12:02

no ur not damaging ds by the way you look, it pisses me off when ppl think that ppl shouldchange just because of circumstances or they dont understand it.tell her to worry about her own appearance and leave urs alone x

LadyTophamHatt · 25/08/2007 12:02

I told Dh I'm getting tattoo on my foot re-done and made bigger and he objected.

I told him its my foot so its tough.

(BTW, do I know you? ds4 is 7 month too)

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 25/08/2007 12:05

not done an update today as havent spoken to him yet

Easywriter · 25/08/2007 12:07

Oh mothers!

If it wasn't your hair or peircings it'd be the outrageous way you have 8 fingers and two opposable thumbs!

No YANBU, she is.

kickassangel · 25/08/2007 12:10

of course you are damaging your child. you must wear floral print skirts and dresses at all times. you must bake all cakes & bread, and have dh's supper on the table for him when he arrives home. if the weather is inclement you should also have his slippers warming by the fire. unless you do all these things you are truly evil and your child will be shunned at school.
i assume you have no friends if you act like this?

Christie · 25/08/2007 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PersonalClown · 25/08/2007 12:14

My mother thought I was insane when I had my first tattoo at 18 and my tongue pierce at 20.
Now she beats me with 8 tatts (I have 2, 3 more planned) but I still have more piercings.
She's well into her mid life crisis.

Original poster
purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 12:15

it's not like i'm actually extreme - i don't have my lip pierced or anything, just my ears a few times and my nose! and my hair is usually dark purple or black!

you've made me feel a bit better anyway, thanks!

OP posts:
PersonalClown · 25/08/2007 12:18

My hair has been very colour under the sun!
I sat my GCSEs with long purple hair, up in high bunches with an undercut underneath!
My god, what must have I looked like!

WanderingTrolley · 25/08/2007 12:18

PersonalClown has the answer.

Tattoo your mother.

How you look is your own business. You will not harm your ds unless you take to wearing a working chainsaw as a necklace and tattoo the complete works of the childcare guru/lunatic of your choice upon your norks.

Original poster
purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 12:18

it makes me want to go and get my face tattooed or something though! just to really piss her off!

OP posts:
Original poster
purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 12:19

wt - he might read them when i'm feeding him and FARKING SLEEP MORE!!

OP posts:
PersonalClown · 25/08/2007 12:22

@ childcare guru/lunatic!
Your mum may change her views later on (ha!). Mine started getting her tattoos done at 45 years old so anythings possible.

Original poster
purplehairpiercedears · 25/08/2007 12:27

my mum's 70 now, so i doubt it somehow. nice thought though...

OP posts:
prettypurpledaisy · 26/08/2007 15:03

I am 41 and my mother objected when I got my belly pierced (I was 30 at the time!) and still can't bear to look at it, so she is still annoyed by it 11 years later! Her main bugbear now is that dd 12 wants hers done and as I have no real objection will probably have it done at 13 my mother is aghast!!!! just an age thing I think she is just gald I am too old for any more piercing and am too scared to get a tattoo.

derah · 28/08/2007 18:54

Know how you feel. My mum hates my tattoos, and when we see them on well, shall we say, less classy people than myself, she says charming stuff like "Only people that that have tattoos and that's how everyone will see you". Or "when you see people like that with tattoos doesn't it make you want to get yours removed?" Hmmmm, I know plenty of lovely classy people with tattoos! But she does go on and on and on about it, and I wish she could just accept me as I am. At least I took most of my piercings out a couple of years ago and don't dye my hair purple very often any more!

So, no advice really, just sympathy!

Shoshable · 28/08/2007 19:09

Personal Clown you sound just like i did, but can I brag I did it before you...........in 1977

Weegle · 29/08/2007 12:34

I haven't read all the replies but my mum always used to go spare at me when I had new piercings done (when I was a teen, they're mostly not used anymore!). I couldn't understand it, my body blah di blah. Then a few years later she explained to me that it hurt her to see the perfect baby she had given birth to making irreversible changes (well she actually said "mutilations"). And I guess I can kind of see her point. I too love DS for who he is and his "perfect" skin - I was upset he got scarred from chicken pox! So although yes it is your body, your choice, I can also kind of see where your mum is coming from.

Aefondkiss · 29/08/2007 12:45

surely your mum might be ready for her first blue/purple rinse?

YANBU

PinkTulips · 01/07/2008 11:52

my mothers favourite greeting for a year after i had dd was 'isn't it about time you took those out now?' (ears, nose and lip) and she has a constant war going against my baggy pants.

she's stopped bothering as much now, namely because i started either hanging up the phone or walking off on her when she started behaving in a rude way. i spent years not realising i could just walk off so simple and sooooo effective!

Cryptoprocta · 01/07/2008 19:34

My mom was weird about my hair. She used to die it purple and pink for me between the ages of 16 and 18. Then she seemed to think I should have grown out of it. I got long fake pink hair platted into my real hair when I was twenty, so even less permanent than hair dye, and she went crazy! Apparently she cried herself to sleep .

I'm off on maternity leave this Friday, and I've got my purple and pink hair dye all ready. I've had to have boring hair for the past seven years cos of work. Mom will be arriving in this country just before my due date, so she probably won't be very happy when she sees my hair. Never mind that I haven't got a single tattoo or even my ears pierced!

Eilatan · 01/07/2008 20:10

I am 42 and my mum has just given me the silent treatment cos I said I thought Amy W was great at Glasto...OK for her to like all manner of 60s, 70s and 80s junkies tho!