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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel worthless

39 replies

Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 09:55

So my friend put on her instagram follow my private insta if u think ur a close friend and its still been on pending for the last day when she has accepted a lot of other people.

I know it sounds petty and dumb but I'm 18 and I feel like I don't have any genuine friends who actually reciprocate the attention and love I give them.

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PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2019 09:57

Instead of obsessing over Instagram, it’s better to focus on finding real life friends. Are you at university or working?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 10:07

Yeah it's petty.

Just remove your request and move on.

Spied · 22/12/2019 10:10

Move on.
It all sounds rather childish.
Waiting around to be accepted...nah. .you're supposed to be an adult.
Go out and enjoy your hobbies and make real life friends with who you share common interests.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:13

@PurpleDaisies @GiveHerHellFromUs @spied yeah ik it's petty but I'm in sixth form--year 13 and I don't have any friends who I can trust and truly bond with. I just feel like I'm not gonna make any real friends who I can fully connect with

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BlueSuffragette · 22/12/2019 10:14

Don't get hung up about the nonsense of social media. People talk shit on it, they portray fake lives. Get on and live in the real world. Concentrate on making friends at work or college.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 10:17

Honestly, I'm 24 and I'm still in touch with 2 friends from school. That's it.

I have a whole array of friends I've met through work and going out etc.

Don't let your school 'friends' stress you out. Focus on your studies for the next few months and just know that you won't need to see them every day soon enough.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 10:19

Oh and I did lose contact with them both for a couple of years and we reconnected after that. We didn't even remain friends once we'd left school because we all followed different paths (work, college etc).

MrFMercury · 22/12/2019 10:21

@midwifehopefully I'm guessing from your username you hope to go to uni next? So many people find their real friends at uni.
This 'friend' isn't a friend at all. Anyone who gets off on leaving people hanging while they decide who is good enough and who isnt ? Not worth your time of effort. What is so great about them that you'd want access to their private Instagram? They're basically making other people feel shit to make themselves feel better and you are allowed not to play their game. You're not worthless, in fact you're worth too much to be bothered with this sort of childish nonsense.

biggles50 · 22/12/2019 10:21

Hope this helps, one of my daughters is 21. She's come off all social media and only uses whatsapp to keep in touch. I've noticed how much happier she is and how much more time she has to study, work and do her hobbies. Her crippling anxiety has all but left her. People love their little sense of power on social media, don't feed the monster.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:21

@BlueSuffragette @GiveHerHellFromUs Yeah thankyou I will just focus on my studies because I have my real a level exams coming up. Its just hard because I have no one to stress to or open up to. & she is from my college but I find all my college friends fake

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AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:26

Ah sweetheart, you aren't emotionally robust enough to deal with a request pending. YET. You can acquire that resilience though, you definitely can.

Try subscribing to a few people on youtube like Marisa Peer, Julia Krystina (who talks about emotional resilience and how to get it).

I am glad that there was no insta when I was 18. It really holds a magnifying glass up to every chink in your emotional maturity and who at 18 is impervious to rejection!? Few are.

There are going to be worse rejections than a pending request in your future. Because the alternative is to never try,never put yourself out there and never ever make the first move or risk change or take yourself out of your comfort zone! And that would be shit.

Log off social media for 48 hours, let them miss you (or not) but cope with it, and spend the time looking through some of these ideas

list of links to audio books about the six pillars of self esteem

Julia Kristina - How to build resilience

Marisa Peer, you are enough

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:29

@AnFiadhRuaRua aww thankyou it wasn't just the request thing it was the if u think ur a close friend which just showed that I like and trust her more than she does me and just felt u reciprocated love. I definitely need a social media detox because I spend way too much time on it. Thinking of deleting it all tbh.
Thankyou so much for the links ☺️☺️

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AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:30

Oh just seen that you have exams coming up.

Definitely ignore all the social media stuff for a while. The exams and your results in those exams are YOU investing in to YOU. That's what a person who believes they have value would do.

When you have spare time, work on building up self-belief and not needing anybody's validation. Stay off SM for periods of time. Try 90 minutes first.

bubblesforlife · 22/12/2019 10:32

She sounds like a twat, an attention seeking, low self esteem one.
Remove your request, hold your head up high and smile when you see her. It will drive her mad.
Girls can be such bitches!!!! Please OP know you’re better than that.

AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:33

Ah right, I totally get it! A few times I've had that moment of clarity, that awful moment where you realise that you valued a friendship more than the other person valued it. But..............it has probably happened to them too at some point. Brew

AnnaFiveTowns · 22/12/2019 10:33

God, I'm so happy I didn't have to grow up with social media. Life is so hard for teenagers now. Your friend is a dick. You sound lovely. Unfortunately at your age people tend to be very shallow. I know it's hard to believe now but you will find our people one day. Are you planning on going to uni?

bubblesforlife · 22/12/2019 10:34

Remove the apps from your phone for a few days. Social media is a habit. Try and beak it.

AnnaFiveTowns · 22/12/2019 10:34

*your people

AnnaFiveTowns · 22/12/2019 10:35

*your people

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:37

@AnFiadhRuaRua yeah thankyou I will I just want to completely delete it. I have high aspirations to become a midwife so I need to work hard for it. Will definitely watch the videos and podcasts u sent me thankyou

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Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:37

@bubblesforlife thankyou so much will do. Might just delete all my social media I'm tired of it

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Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:38

@AnnaFiveTowns yes I have got offers for midwifery but they're Conditional and I need to work really hard to get them so need to delete all my social media and focus on that ☺️

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AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:46

If it's making you feel bad, walk away. You don't need to over analyse your reasons for deleting social media for a while. It's not serving you right now.

brew

Good luck with your studies! My DD is only a year behind you and is always on social media. Sad It is sad that SM messes with your head like this. When I was studying for my exams, my biggest distraction was brookside, and jaffa cakes. Thank God there was no SM

AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:47

That should have been

Brew
Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 10:54

@AnFiadhRuaRua yeah I have deactivated twitter deleted Facebook now but only u installed Snapchat because I have too many memories on it. And no its just draining now I spend way too much time on it and it is affecting my studies

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