How do you cope with differing political leanings from DH?!

[Sillysausageandeggs]

Hubby used to be a solid Labour party member. Over the last 10 years this has shifted. Tonight at a dinner party with friends he pounced on me, telling me I sounded like a Labour party advert for defending the NHS. I am now questioning our whole marriage! He seems so far more right wing than ever these days. How do I cope with someone who is so obviously opposite me in terms of political beliefs and world views?! AIBU for questioning our marriage because of politics?!

Depends on how different - couldn't cope with a racist or someone with no empathy for people less fortunate. If they are kind and able to discuss political ideas reasonably without getting personal digs in, it wouldn't bother me too much.

The main issue here is that your husband sounds rude and disrespectful.

I'm very Labour - not Corbyn. DH Tory - Remain. Married 28 years & we have robust discussions but it works. This GE & the Europeans for the first time he didn't vote Tory because of Brexit.

YANBU. If you'd had wildly differing political views when you met and you'd gone into the relationship knowing that then that would be one thing, but I think it's really difficult when one person changes. It's about shared values, which are really fundamental to a marriage. If one person's values change to the extent that not only do you no longer share the same values, but their values are now incompatible then that must be extremely hard to overcome. I have a friend whose DH of 12 years has recently 'found' religion after being a staunch atheist his whole life and it has seriously rocked their marriage. She said she feels like she doesn't know him anymore, that she's finding it almost impossible to relate to him because they see the world so differently now whereas she used to feel they understood each other completely. I imagine it must be similar for the OP.

Me and DH support opposing parties. We never talk about politics.

I could deal with someone who supported a different party to me but I did once end a relationship over someone who’s political views/views towards less fortunate people were actually fucking revolting.

@SilverySurfer
Why? I didn't vote Labour - and for the record never will.

@vikkimoog
Thanks, I really do try

Honestly, I try to be tolerant but I would struggle to be with someone right wing as our values in life would be so different. I think the usual technique is either not to discuss politics at all or engage in healthy debates, but if they turn into arguments, revert to the avoiding the subject.

We have agreed this with MIL who is a lovely woman, but who has very different opinions to us. It was ending up in arguments between her and DH so now we just avoid the topic completely.

@lastqueenofscotland

Exactly this 👏

Different politics wouldn’t bother me too much. I’m not a Tory, but I’ve worked in a Conservative led council and most of the elected members were small c conservatives, just normal hardworking people trying to do their best like anyone else. Where I would have a problem is if it was a central facet of the relationship, or if a partner supported far right parties, or even far left ones. That would be a deal breaker for me.

sillysausageandeggs
I would suggest you leave him so he can find someone who doesn’t think their views are morally superior.

nippy so you know the political leanings of every single person you encounter?
So the person who doesn't let you out at a junction, you know they're a tory 'cos they're not being nice, whereas the person who lets you out isn't a Tory?
I'm intrigued as to how you identify the tories?

@Smileyaxolotl1

So you know and speak for all 3 million 'normal' ( your word not mine )Tory voters and whether they would admit it to me or not??? Tell me what is an 'abnormal' Tory voter?
Now who is self perpetuating a fallacy?

And you call me obnoxious and judgmental.

We are at the opposite end of the political scale although we both voted remain. I understand his thinking and he understands mine. We respect that each other has the right to think differently.
It has no impact.

And you call me obnoxious and judgmental
didn't call you a cunt though, did they?

Me and DH have very different political views; we have healthy debates but if it gets to the point of an argument then we both agree to leave it. He makes some good points and accepts my point of view on some of it too.

I don't drive so...... but yes any arsehole I've encountered that doesn't have compassion for the less fortunate do tent to be Tory voters, thankfully though they are a dying breed where I live and people, like myself are forward thinking, inclusive and compassionate towards the planet, human beings - you know, just generally decent people that would rather do a good turn than a bad one

@vikkimoog

Wanna bet? And so so so much worse!
I've personally been prevented from crossing roads by a bunch of them almost every summer in my adult life when all I was trying to do was cross a road, seriously! Actual fact and I know I'm not the only one thats experienced this, some even try and spit on people as they try to cross too or get pushed.

FYI he didn't vote Tory. He voted LibDem for the first time in his life. So he hasn't completely gone right wing on me. We have always seen eye to eye on most things politically, he is overall a decent and kind person who doesn't have extremist views. I know he has some pretty big problems with Labour as it is now and I have, until now, avoided debating it. Might go back to avoiding the issue. And avoiding having one too many drinks then discussing politics on front of other people 😂 Hopefully he won't turn into a Tory in his old age.

vickimoog
True- I’ve rarely seen a labour voter being called much more than naiive on any public forum.
But it’s still the tories who are seen as the bigots when it’s perfectly obvious from the amount of threads like this on mumsnet that it’s the anti tories who are the ones who are bigoted and don’t believe any views but their own are acceptable.
And nippybutsweet my point was perfectly logical and not obnoxious at all. It’s even an actual voting theory known as the ‘shy tory’
You will have met hundreds of tories who would not have identified as such.

And also, FYI, I am not trying to turn this into a Tory bashing thread. Just saying I hope we don't end up on opposite sides of the spectrum in future.

nippy sorry but I have no idea what you're on about.
Are you saying that you have encountered herds of Tories that block roads and spit on you and call you awful names?
Where is this as it sounds utterly bizarre ( and made up)