To consider becoming single at nearly 30

[pleasehelpfindthissong]

Bit of background: currently in a long term(6 year) relationship, no DC involved but would have liked to have one by now. Relationship not working out and drifting apart. WIBU to consider taking time to myself and hoping to meet someone in the future, or have I left it far too late?

Popadoodledoooo I don't even know you and I'm genuinely upset that you feel this way. Please, please reconsider. You can't spend the rest of your life with somebody you don't really, really want to be with. When is the wedding planned for?

Honestly I find it so depressing that we are still having to have this conversation. Should I yoke myself to someone I don’t like forever and have kids with them because I am approaching some notional cut off point when one is supposed to have become unmarriageable? That would be no.

It’s not just the “30 is really young” point. I just can’t believe we are talking about signing away our lives to someone we don’t love because we are approaching some totally bullshit imaginary rubicon.

Aww Vestibule. Early 2021.

I can’t explain why I feel so strongly that my only option is to go ahead with it. But I know I will and we’ll be fine.

I’m single at 33, I wish I’d met someone already but hopefully I’ve not missed my chance!

Make sure there’s no hope for your relationship first, people do drift away, it can take work and effort to ‘get it back’ again but that’s just how relationships are sometimes. That aside, of course you’re not too old.

A few days after my 30th birthday my then DH announced her never really wanted to marry me and was having a dodgy thing with a 24 year old. It seemed all the men my age were only interested in younger women and didn’t want to settle down.

I was devastated, I found a new flat, went on an amazing trip and generally reconnected with friends. About a year later I met my lovely DP who was also divorced at 30 and we are expecting a baby now.

I wish wish wish my ex DH had had the courage to stop the wedding!

Loads of time! I met my husband when I was 37. Our son is now 3. We fit a whole getting to know each other, moving in, getting engaged, married and an unfortunate couple of years, the details of which i will spare you, tryingfor our son and we're not too old for date nights .
Loads of time!

@shitwithsugaron much love I hope things turn around soon. Getting good into singleness took me about 2 and a half years after an awful, sparing details, marriage. But I really was better off without then.

Popadoodledoooo I'd be horrified if I knew the man I was planning to marry was only going through with it because he couldn't call it off. However, l know some randoms on the internet aren't going to make you change your mind, so if you really feel you have no alternative but to go marry a man you don't want to, I really do wish you the best of luck and I hope you make it work for both of you .

I think some people forget that turning 30 is a bit daunting, add to that the unknown of single life, especially if you want kids. Blame society.

op I split from someone I loved at 30 for various tough but very sensible reasons. It sounds like you're emotionally detached to a point already so it's a clear choice between being unhappy with current partner and getting to enter the most exciting decade with your options open and choices your own. I went travelling alone a few days after turning 31 and totally unexpectedly met DP in a hostel in Hanoi!

Do it. You won't look back.

Thanks for all the replies. Realise that turning 30 is not the end of the world, it just feels like time is running out IFSWIM? It's everything that comes with a relationship I suppose, the family and mutual friends that would take sides.

@Popadoodledoooo I'm so sorry to hear that you feel that way

I turned 30 earlier this year and has terrified about the enormity of turning 30! About a month before my birthday DP of many years broke up with me. It was so hard for a couple of months, but since then I've had the best adventures, made brilliant new friends and met the most guy. I now see that a few months of hurt is worth it for many years of being happier.

I left a shitty relationship at 29, resigned myself to being single but infinitely happier.

Now 32 and happily engaged and planning a family and my wedding.

Best move of my life.

You seem to have three choices:

1. Break up with him now. You are still very young and can find someone else

1. Don’t break up with him and spend your life with him being unhappy

1. Don’t break up with him. Spend the next few years with him being unhappy and break up with him in a few years

Life is too short for options 2 and 3 isn’t it?

May be slightly more difficult meeting someone at 30 than at 20 - but really 30 is no age at all

It makes me so sad that even in this day and age, people are still doing this to themselves. Buying into the myth that unless we pair up like the animals heading into the ark, our lives are inevitably second best. That someone, anyone, is ALWAYS better than no one.

OP - you could live for another 50 - 60 years. Are you really so scared of being alone that you’re prepared to spend them with someone you’re not even happy with now, let alone five, 10, 15 years down the line? Maybe you think children will save the relationship - but what if they make it worse? You’re worrying about being single at nearly 30, but you are in a much simpler position now than you will be if you end up divorced at 40 with two children. Or if the marriage somehow survives for the sake of the children, but then they grow up, you realise you’re over 50 and have no clue what to do with the next 30 years.

You’re also ignoring one very important possibility. What if HE leaves YOU? At the moment it seems like your options are ‘Leave and risk being alone, or stick it out’. You may not get the choice. Think about how you’ll feel if in two or three years he tells you it’s over. Will you resent losing those years? My bet is yes.

Dont settle or stick with it.

I held out and met my DP at 34 we just bought a house and are.gettong engaged and will be getting married/ trying for children in the next 12 months
I've just turned 36

At 30 you are in your prime and know where you want for your next relationship! Don't waste time in a relationship which is going nowhere!

I left my husband at 35 and life went on to be much better.

I met who I hope is my life partner at 36 and had first child at 38!

So - you have much more life still ahead

Thanks to all for the positive stories

Your options are:

1. Stay with him forever.

1. Cut your losses now, while you're in your 20s.

1. Break up with him (which clearly you will do), and start over, when you're even older.

It's a no-brainer.