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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still want Xmas presents?

39 replies

Christmadtree · 21/12/2019 22:53

DS is 4 months old. Every single member of our family, on both sides, has decided that once you have a child you no longer get Xmas gifts. Xmas Sad

This is first baby on my side so hasn't previously been a thing. DH has 3 brothers, two without DC and one with an 11yo. We've been told this year that we won't be bought for as we're now parents and will get cash instead. Bros & SIL without DC still getting gifts to open as normal.

We've been transferred Xmas cash today and it's the same amount as what we would normally get in terms of gift value so not a money saving thing.

Aibu to ask for a present instead next year?

We live comfortably within our means and don't tend to treat ourselves...plus I like having things to open on Xmas day, even if it is just a token gift.

I appreciate as DS gets older Xmas will be all about him & I look forward to that, but I don't think he'll really get it for the next year or 2. Even then, is it selfish to want a treat of your own (other than what DH buys me?).

If it makes a difference, we're late 20s/early 30s.

OP posts:
marshmallowss · 21/12/2019 22:53

Oh get over it. S

Todaythiscouldbe · 21/12/2019 23:00

Is this real? It sounds pretty standard to be honest. If you want a gift to open your DH can buy you one.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/12/2019 23:04

Present buying for adults is hard work and really quite tedious for many people. It becomes even more pointless when you’re buying for adults who have their own incomes and ability to buy themselves what they want. The gift that you so much love to receive may be a right pain in the ass to the person who has to buy it.

Take the cash you’ve been given and spend it on something you really want, which the giver probably wouldn’t have known about.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/12/2019 23:06

Present buying is my least favourite thing about Christmas and the reason I’m such a grinch at this time of the year. I don’t want to have to second guess what relatives would like to receive. I would much rather have fun buying for children and giving cash to adults to treat themselves with.

Embracelife · 21/12/2019 23:06

Buy yourself some presents and wrap them .

mauvaisereputation · 21/12/2019 23:07

I don't think YANBU and it's really odd that everyone in the family has decided this. I'd accept gracefully this year (cash isn't all bad anyway) and then have a quiet word with your mum and dad and/or siblings about how much you'd appreciate a token gift to unwrap in the run-up to next Christmas?

mauvaisereputation · 21/12/2019 23:08

Sorry, I should have said I don't think YABU....

Concestor · 21/12/2019 23:09

YANBU. I like to receive a gift. Cash is just thoughtless. Anyone can chuck cash at you but it takes care and thought to buy a nice gift.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/12/2019 23:10

I absolutely hate buying presents for adults, I find it so stressful - especially for men for some reason.

Why can't you just buy each other something nice out of the money or buy yourself something nice that you want.

Thestrangestthing · 21/12/2019 23:11

So just buy something you actually want, they still gave you money. I cant understand people who would rather have useless tat that other people have picked out for them, rather than something they pick themselves that they actually want. I've had a couple of useless presents so far that people but you because they like them.

Chocolateandchats · 21/12/2019 23:14

How childish. Your husband can buy you things to unwrap. As an adult I take any gifts, monetary or not in good grace. If you’re that fussed then buy yourself something with the money and wrap it.

DelphiniumBlue · 21/12/2019 23:18

So you and DH could maybe buy more for each other?
I must say though, if you're being given money to the value of presents, it could be because someone previously has said they'd rather have money so they can spend it on something they need.
But is there a reason why you couldn't mention, at least to your own family, that you'd prefer a present?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 21/12/2019 23:21

Dh side of family do this.Once you get to 18 its bye bye presents Grin

Mamsnetter2020 · 21/12/2019 23:22

In my family you wouldn’t get the cash!

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2019 23:23

Can’t you buy your self something or DH get you something and vice versa with the money?

I find it hard to think of what I want for Christmas so would rather have money or vouchers.

IncrediblySadToo · 21/12/2019 23:25

😕it makes no sense!

I could just about understand it, if money was tight and your ‘share’ went to your children instead...but buying for DS and still giving you money ‍🤷🏻‍♀️. That makes no sense & i can understand you being upset & still wanting a gift to open, especially from your own parents.

I live overseas from my Mum & she sends me a Christmas decoration & a token gift (scarf or whatever) & money. The decoration is my favourite bit!

I miss getting presents, but that’s what happens when you live overseas from family & friends and don’t have the same relationships with newer friends.

I like surprises and unwrapping things. Money is great because you can buy what you really like, but it’s not the same as unwrapping something that someone has thought about.

Have a word with them after Christmas for the future. As I say it would be completely different if they stopped buying /giving money when a child has children, but that’s not what they’re doing, they’re just opting out of thinking about what YOU would like, and that’s cool rap at a time when you need to still be YOU and not just mummy.

Runnerduck34 · 21/12/2019 23:28

Yanbu, ime when you have DC you are often in more need of a treat than any other time, tired , exhausted and skint.
This happened in my family too and my dsis and brother who had lots of disposable income continued to receive lovely gifts and I who was broke and had no time to.myself and would have really really appreciated a gift got nothing because everything went to DD instead, of course DC should be main focus of Xmas but parents deserve presents too!

aibutohavethisusername · 21/12/2019 23:31

YANBU. Can you and your OH take 1/2 each of the money and buy presents for each other.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2019 23:33

At least you still get money. Usually when kids come along everything for the adults stops.

Singlenotsingle · 21/12/2019 23:34

It's tiresome and hard work buying presents. I sympathize entirely with the ILs not wanting to bother. Take the money and buy your own.

AhoyMrBeaver · 21/12/2019 23:36

I think you're being silly. You can treat yourself to something you'd really like with the money, and probably be able to buy more in the sale after Christmas.

alwaysmovingforwards · 21/12/2019 23:40

What a drama lama Crown Grin

AndWhatNext · 21/12/2019 23:40

Self gift if you really want to have something to open.

I do... my siblings haven't done presents for years. I am single. And I don't want my DD to one a pile of stuff and for me to have nothing.

littlealexhorne · 21/12/2019 23:57

I get it, when people just give you cash you feel obliged to spend it on other things (food shops, baby stuff, etc) rather than something nice for yourself.

Original poster
Christmadtree · 22/12/2019 00:02

Maybe it's just me, but I do actually like getting presents from people, I like the surprises. We've had a close relationship up until now and gifts have always been thoughtful and appreciated on both sides.

I also love spending time picking out gifts for people, now it's a bit awkward in terms of what we buy them.

For what it's worth, fil runs his own business and mil loves doing homemade hampers and gifts for his long standing clients. They still do this and buy for neighbours etc., you'd think they'd cut that back if it was because of the effort?

OP posts:
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