To still want Xmas presents?

[Christmadtree]

DS is 4 months old. Every single member of our family, on both sides, has decided that once you have a child you no longer get Xmas gifts.

This is first baby on my side so hasn't previously been a thing. DH has 3 brothers, two without DC and one with an 11yo. We've been told this year that we won't be bought for as we're now parents and will get cash instead. Bros & SIL without DC still getting gifts to open as normal.

We've been transferred Xmas cash today and it's the same amount as what we would normally get in terms of gift value so not a money saving thing.

Aibu to ask for a present instead next year?

We live comfortably within our means and don't tend to treat ourselves...plus I like having things to open on Xmas day, even if it is just a token gift.

I appreciate as DS gets older Xmas will be all about him & I look forward to that, but I don't think he'll really get it for the next year or 2. Even then, is it selfish to want a treat of your own (other than what DH buys me?).

If it makes a difference, we're late 20s/early 30s.

Am on the get over it viewpoint am afraid.

I think that’s really sad 😔 I don’t see why becoming parents mean you shouldn’t get presents, it makes no sense! Can you and dp decide to buy each other presents, using the money you’ll get?

YADNBU is this actually a thing.
In our family it doesn't matter if your 95 days or 95 years or got 0 kids or 5 kids everyone has presents. It tends to be from a couple to an individual although somethings are to a couple too. But everyone has something to open. If the dog can have presents so can all the adults

YNBU it's nice to get a gift it's more to do with someone having thought about you and what you might like. I'm 41 have 2 children and still love getting a crafty gift i.e. colouring book to do on Christmas day. It's fun and should be fun for everyone :)

So every single member of both of your families - parents, brothers, sisters etc have all transferred you cash, is that right? Sounds absolutely bizarre. Everybody gets nice gifts in our family just don't get the grinchy 'it's only for the kids' attitude. YANBU to want a gift instead of cash, sounds really joyless.

I think you're being a bit silly! (I mean this kindly). My mum still buys me a gift but it's usually boots or a bag or jeans - something I need and would have bought for myself but she gets it. For most family members I buy booze or an amazon voucher or cash. Christmas is about the kids

Spend the money on a treat? I really think you are making a big fuss about not much here.

YANBU, it’s hard to feel like you don’t count anymore once you’re a parent! I don’t like this “Christmas is for the kids” thing either- like all the years there aren’t small kids around for Christmas it’s meaningless! My whole family love Christmas, it’s for everyone.

Maybe you could use the money to pay for a Christmas Tradition for yourself/your family each year.
It could be a Christmas"Date" with your DH, tickets to a play/panto/ballet/ christmas attraction, or a gift to yourself of jewelry/lingerie/perfume etc.
I know it's not quite the same as having a surprise present to unwrap.
But these traditions can be lovely, especially if they are a commitment of time spent with people.

So you'd rather risk getting something you hate rather than actual useful money?

That's bizarre. If you want something, buy it. If you must have a surprise, tell your DH to get you a present, but honestly most people would much prefer to be in your position as you're not faced with receiving useless rubbish that 90% of gifts seem to be.

just because you had a child doesn't mean people dont have to put effort in, cash is the laziest most thoughtless gift, the whole point of a gift is the thought and effort people put in not the value and money is all value and zero thought/effort.

to all the people saying its better and buy yourself something you want - if I want something I just buy it myself anyway all year round because I'm an adult so there isn't really anything except token gift I could even think of to buy myself.

You also aren't giving me a gift you giving me an obligation, anothe damn shopping job to do which I'm not going to do after crazy December shopping and then I get 'what did you buy?' well nothing it went in with my other savings to be lost but thats never a good enough answer.

A gift is meant to be something a person wouldn't buy themselves, the best gifts I have ever had are things I didn't even know existed until I received the present so impossible to 'buy myself' and you certainly cant surprise yourself with a thingymajigger if you didn't know it existed.

Result is pretty split on this, interesting!

To those saying I'm making a fuss/being a drama lama etc... All I've done is ask the question on an Internet forum?

I get the pov of buy yourself something etc, but for the last 6/7 years we've got each other meaningful gifts and now it's suddenly just cash. Thought it was worth posing the question as to whether this was the norm for new parents, or just our families?

One of my presents from IL's was an Amazon voucher for a reasonably substantial amount. I was absolutely delighted and will choose something I want at some point. Or not - I might buy something for the kids, DH or friends. But whatever, it will be my choice.

Op, I don't understand your feeling on this so YABU!