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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - scary situation

26 replies

elephantpink · 21/12/2019 22:38

So this is my first post. I’m looking for some advice as to wether I have over reacted or have a right to be scared and stand my ground!
Long story here goes ...
I am happily married with two children.
Just shy of a year ago I was on a night out with family when I got chatting to a man (no sexual or intentions) just genuine conversation, he was sad and told me his terrible life story. I was empathetic. Listened and advised and in turn opened up myself, it was really nice to have a genuine friendly chat with someone! Anyway last night I went on a night out, the guy in question was out approached and said hi, greetings we’re exchanged. And that was the end of it or so I thought. He then began talking to my sister. Telling her I was leaving my husband for him, he thinks about me when he wakes up, he knows where I worked and knows where my husband works, proceeded to tell my sister my husband is a c* and other things were said about him. Also he went as far to tell her he knows more about me than even she does! Now I don’t know this man other than a chat on a night out 11 month ago, haven’t seen him since or spoken to him until last night! I felt so vulnerable and scared I went home and cut my night short, I got home and cried to my husband and understandably he’s angry, even more so now we’ve found out who he is (I didn’t even know his name) and found he’s been working on and off with my husband!
Am I being silly to be scared? Am I over reacting!?

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 21/12/2019 22:41

What exactly did you tell him? What did he claim to know about you? Seems weird he’d remember all this. Has your DH spoke about you to him?

Yascumbagyamaggot · 21/12/2019 22:42

No, I dont think you are over reacting. Hopefully it is the creepy guy your husband is angry with, not you?

nocoolnamesleft · 21/12/2019 22:42

That sounds...a bit stalkerish. YANBU to be concerned that this is very weird.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/12/2019 22:43

Yanbu unreasonable at all.

PinkiOcelot · 21/12/2019 22:46

No that does sound scary OP.
What did you tell him though? Nothing that could come back and bite you on the arse I hope.

Original poster
elephantpink · 21/12/2019 22:48

Thanks everyone think I needed advice from people who don’t know me! I was starting to think my family were just agreeing with me because they are related. No DH is not angry with me at all he’s angry that I was so frightened, he’s not said anything that he knows of. And I clearly remember just telling him general life stuff, just in general conversation, I may have said Dh is a pain in the arse at times 😂. But I just feel like even if I told him my deepest darkest secrets the way he went about all of this was unacceptable, I would much rather he approached me to tell me how he feels so I could explain the situation to him and gently send him on his bike 🤷🏽‍♀️
It’s not something I’ve ever experienced and I found unnerving. I would understand if I’d seen him on so many occasions we became friends or I had intentionally lead him on Etc. But after 11 months seemed very odd

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 21/12/2019 22:50

He sounds unhinged I would take it seriously. That’s such weird behaviour.

CatalogueUniverse · 21/12/2019 22:52

I’d be checking your and your family’s social media privacy. He has been gleaning information from somewhere. He sounds worrying.

Original poster
elephantpink · 21/12/2019 22:54

Well he is someone in the family’s boyfriends best mate ... which is why we were chatting as we were all out together .. spoken to this person and they have told him to stay away etc. Just very strange.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/12/2019 22:54

Could this be more about your husband than you? They work together and know each other, he was saying bad things about your husband. Could he have been doing it because he dislikes your husband?

Basically could all thus be about him and not you?

Original poster
elephantpink · 21/12/2019 22:55

Could be, he doesn’t know him well from what he’s said just said hi in passing etc but he could have easily taken a dislike to him, thankyou for that perspective xx

OP posts:
sarahjconnor · 21/12/2019 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rubyroost · 21/12/2019 23:17

I thought the same as @Bluntness100 - he doesn't like your husband

katewhinesalot · 21/12/2019 23:18

I would warn your relatives not to talk about you or your dh.

Will your dh ever have to work with him again?

Lock down your social media and ask your relatives to do the same if they tag you.

Cherrysoup · 21/12/2019 23:20

Have a look on here for advice: paladinservice.co.uk/ If he escalates, police, immediately.

Notodontidae · 21/12/2019 23:31

Certainly doesn't feel right, good job you and DH have established who he is, and where he may have obtained some of the information. Your DH knows to avoid him, and you may need to be extra vigilant, but dont get yourself too worked up. YANBU.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/12/2019 23:38

That is weird and scary, i would report to cops and also screw sown all media settings cight

Thismummyruns · 21/12/2019 23:38

It he can have a conversation like that with your sister what else is he capable of?
Agree with the above, he sounds unhinged.

Hollywolly1 · 21/12/2019 23:40

It is creepy but you are in a better position this week than last week because at least now you know.Take care of yourselves.

withgraceinmyheart · 21/12/2019 23:58

Yanbu that would really scare me.

Tbh I think it’s worth reporting to the police. They may be able to have a chat with him, if not at least there’ll be a record if you want to talk to them about it again in the future. Either way it might make you feel better about it?

Sushiroller · 22/12/2019 00:06

Super weird on his part
Buttttt you made yourself vulnerable by telling private relationship info to a stranger!!! If I was your partner I'd feel hurt and have found your behaviour to be a bit disloyal

Rachelfromfriends1 · 22/12/2019 00:09

Bizarre, was he drunk?

Original poster
elephantpink · 22/12/2019 00:11

Nothing in there states I told him private relationship info ... of which I didn’t other than he’s a pain in the arse sometimes. Which I’m sure other people have the same complaints of their partners. The assumptions he’s made regarding my husband are his.

OP posts:
Rachelfromfriends1 · 22/12/2019 00:14

I honestly doubt the police would “record” anything as no crime has occurred yet, let alone have a word with him - it’s too premature for them to step in, but perhaps they can give you some advice

VenusTiger · 22/12/2019 00:15

How long has your DH known him @elephantpink is it longer than 11 months, did he seek you out that night the first time you chatted in order to confess information but bottled it, and is now taking his frustration out by telling riddles to your sister?
If your DH has been up to something and this chap wants you to know, but doesn’t think you’ll believe him, so he’s just bad mouthing him to all and sundry.... he doesn’t have to know your DH well, gossip spreads fast in the workplace. Just another suggestion. Also how your DH reacted.

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