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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DP family stay with us?

72 replies

StrawberryDreamX · 21/12/2019 22:24

Dp decided to tell me today his aunt is visiting for a week near the end of January, and she will be staying with us. Dc and I have never met the woman before and I don't want a stranger in my house. Especially when Dp works long shifts and I'll be the one left to entertain her. I am 6 months pregnant, have a 9 month old who still doesn't sleep through the night, and a 6 year old (from previous relationship). When Dd is at school I sleep when Ds sleeps and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving aunt on her own while I nap. I am exhausted and have enough to do as it is without having another person to feed and clean up after. We really don't have the space as we live in a small 2 bedroom flat. Dp has said Dd will have to share her room for the week. She is extremely shy and I doubt she would want to sleep in a room with someone she doesn't know. I have told Dp to tell his aunt to make other arrangements and stay with other family members, or go to a B&B or hotel. He wasn't pleased at all, has no idea why I'm acting like this, and has been giving me the silent treatment all day. What would you do? Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 22/12/2019 17:19

Well done OP.

Respectful partners do not do this to each other. Ever.

Take care.💐

Original poster
StrawberryDreamX · 22/12/2019 18:01

@Jeansforme His family visit our house on a regular basis, but at the moment we have no over night visitors from either side because we simply don't have the space.

@Grumpelstilskin Jeansforme comes a close second!

@lovemenorca He is British - just a massive people pleaser! It possibly could but at this moment in time just the thought of it is stressing me out

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 22/12/2019 23:19

Invitations to whomever should never, never be issued before the inviter has alerted the other adult(s) in the house and discussed the practicalities, like where will the guest sleep and who will entertain them!

A person who invites a guest on the assumption that their partner will do all the heavy lifting and has no intention of picking up any of the load themselves is treating their partner like a house servant.

Everyone with s spouse or partner needs to learn this sentence, ideally have it tattooed inside their eyelids:

"Let me consult (partner's name) and see if it works for them."

No considerate and thoughtful person would accept an invitation that meant sharing a room with an unknown child and forcing the pregnant mother of a sleepless baby to entertain them. The aunt will surely decline the offer.

When does OP's DH bring the chickens and the goat into the mix I wonder?!

AlexaAmbidextra · 22/12/2019 23:23

I have always had a rule that if there isn’t a bed for them then they don’t stay. I wouldn’t have anyone sharing rooms, dossing on sofas or floors.

NearlyGranny · 22/12/2019 23:33

As a last resort, OP, tell him DD will sleep with you and the baby while he makes shift on the sofa. Unless DD has a double bed, she would otherwise be sleeping on her bedroom floor while the aunt has her bed, I presume?

And tell him as you need solid sleep to be fit to stay awake to feed and entertain his aunt, you will be bringing the baby out to him to see to if he is unsettled in the night. H
is aunt, his baby, his invitation, his problem.

Also, give him a big shopping list and meal planner for the week and tell him he is to provide freezer meals for the week as you'll be doing days out with the aunt and won't be cooking. Remember breakfasts and lunches. Remind him that the extra laundry and cleaning will fall to him, too.

See how his delicate hormones cope with that prospect!

Ginfordinner · 23/12/2019 07:03

Does the aunt know that she is expected to share a room.

Original poster
StrawberryDreamX · 24/12/2019 14:07

@AlexaAmbidextra I completely agree with this.

@NearlyGranny The baby is up far too often during the night to have Dd in beside me. It's not fair her being woke up numerous times during the night when she has school the next day. Dp does the bare minimum around the house and that isn't going to change for an aunt visiting.

@Ginfordinner Yes she does and happily accepted the invite.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 24/12/2019 14:10

Are you going to tell him to arrange for auntie to stay with other brothers who have more space and don't have a pregnant wife?
Have you had any more conversations with your DH?

Original poster
StrawberryDreamX · 24/12/2019 14:27

@Tistheseason17 Yes I have, his reply was I have to tell her since I'm the one who doesn't want her here. That was the last said on the matter.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 24/12/2019 14:44

YOU have to tell her? Wow he's acting like a spoiled brat!

Tistheseason17 · 24/12/2019 14:54

so, tell her.

"Dear Aunt, my DH invited you to stay and completely forgot how pregnant and exhausted I am. We have had a chat and he is happy for me to let you know that he had not thought it through. We have not iws to offend you and we would love to see you but can you stay with XXX or at a air bnb as we really do not have space here. Love Strawberry"

Tistheseason17 · 24/12/2019 14:55

*wish!

NorthEndGal · 24/12/2019 15:01

How is it your job, when he is the one who created the situation?

Ginfordinner · 24/12/2019 15:19

Could you put the 9 month old in the room as well (evil Grin)

Thehop · 24/12/2019 15:23

@Tistheseason17 had a great text to send.

Motoko · 24/12/2019 15:55

Well, you'd better get on and tell her then, if he's refusing to. Otherwise you're going to be having her to stay, and your partner will carry on inviting people, regardless of knowing you don't want it.

And then you should consider if you want to continue in a relationship where your partner disregards your feelings.

ConfCall · 24/12/2019 15:59

Send that text OP.

The whole thing is ridiculous. Why on earth would she not choose to stay in a B & B or with her brother. A grown woman sharing a room with an unknown child when there are other options ....weird.

And your OH should not have agreed this without discussing it with you.

SnuggyBuggy · 24/12/2019 16:48

Tell her no. The whole idea is ridiculous

HouseworkAvoider10 · 24/12/2019 16:56

Knob.
Tell him no.
If he refuses tell him to fuck off.

Myyearmytime · 24/12/2019 17:04

Right plan of action.
Get aunt phone number so you get to know her .
Ring here up with crying baby in background.
Tell her your daughter is very scare to share her room with someone she does know and has been she dab checked as you worried for daughter.
3 let her you small sofa is available to use but you are up and down all night because the baby doesn't sleep well. And when you baby is asleep you are up and down for wee as you are 6 months pregnant.

LakieLady · 24/12/2019 17:05

Could you put the 9 month old in the room as well (evil grin)

I was going to suggest that! DD will have to go in with you, because she's shy and won't share with a stranger, so the baby will have to go in DD's room.

And aunt can't possibly come and wake you when baby wakes, as that will disturb DD, so express some milk and show her how the bottle warmer works and how to change a nappy. Grin

Imo, your DH is bang out of order. Neither DP or I would invite someone round for a cuppa without running it past the other one. It's only polite!

ChristmasFluff · 24/12/2019 20:21

Well since he hasn't consulted you on the visit, I think it's only fair that you don't consult him on your plans to be away for the duration of his aunt being there - to relatives, or on holiday with the little ones.

Drop it on him a couple of days before her arrival, and if he doesn't like it, stop speaking to him. See how he likes a taste of his own apples.

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