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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DP family stay with us?

72 replies

StrawberryDreamX · 21/12/2019 22:24

Dp decided to tell me today his aunt is visiting for a week near the end of January, and she will be staying with us. Dc and I have never met the woman before and I don't want a stranger in my house. Especially when Dp works long shifts and I'll be the one left to entertain her. I am 6 months pregnant, have a 9 month old who still doesn't sleep through the night, and a 6 year old (from previous relationship). When Dd is at school I sleep when Ds sleeps and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving aunt on her own while I nap. I am exhausted and have enough to do as it is without having another person to feed and clean up after. We really don't have the space as we live in a small 2 bedroom flat. Dp has said Dd will have to share her room for the week. She is extremely shy and I doubt she would want to sleep in a room with someone she doesn't know. I have told Dp to tell his aunt to make other arrangements and stay with other family members, or go to a B&B or hotel. He wasn't pleased at all, has no idea why I'm acting like this, and has been giving me the silent treatment all day. What would you do? Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 21/12/2019 23:58

Oh for god's sake Icecreamandcandyfloss The husband wants a virtual stranger to stay for an entire week with four humans in a two bedroom apartment this is no way controlling behavior nor is she forbidding her to visit! The stupid husband wants to make zero effort and have an eight year old little girl share a room with a total stranger and for his wife to cook,clean and entertain.How about you offer her your bed and you sleep on your sofa?

SandyY2K · 22/12/2019 00:03

One issue is you don't know her and he's not taking any time off work...thus leaving you to entertain and look after her.

It seems a fair amount of men think this kind of thing is okay...as I never hear of women inviting relatives over and expecting their DH to look after and host while they're at work.

As it has a large impact on you, he should have checked with you first.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/12/2019 00:13

YANBU. If it was one night then I'd think 'ok, annoying but go along with it for the sake of politeness' but expecting you to host a stranger for a whole week is too much, especially when you're pregnant and looking after two young DC. He should never have invited her without consulting you first, and he knows it which is probably why he's now sulking. Expecting your shy 6yo to share her bedroom with an adult she doesn't know is mind-bogglingly insensitive of him and there's no way i'd let that happen. How would he like to be told he'd got to sleep next to some random bloke he'd never met before for a week? Add to that the sheer impracticality of three adults and two children squeezed into a small 2 bed flat, this just isn't going to be fun for any of you. I'm surprised his Aunt would be keen on this arrangement. I'm sure your DC are absolutely delightful, OP but not many adults would want to spend a week in a confined space with someone else's children however well behaved they are.

ILoveMyCaravan · 22/12/2019 00:15

Even without small children to consider, there is no way I would be having anyone to stay in my house for a week. One or two night is my absolute maximum. But someone I've never met? Not a chance.

Mabelface · 22/12/2019 11:36

Fuck that shit. Maybe you and the kids could go and stay with someone else whilst he entertains his aunt. No way is it fair for him to land this on you.

BlueSuffragette · 22/12/2019 11:41

No way I'd do it. You have no space. Totally unreasonable to put a stranger in your DD room. Tell him shes not staying with you, end of discussion.

Another40ththread · 22/12/2019 11:43

Absolutely fucking not! The whole idea is crazy, stand your ground.

fedup21 · 22/12/2019 11:46

I would not have this either-why is he so keen to accommodate an aunt he’s never mentioned and you’ve never even met?!

Is he hoping for a large inheritance or something??

Hithere2 · 22/12/2019 11:48

No!

Even if you were just you and dp living there (without kids and pregnancy), who is he to decide such a unilateral plan that is only convenient for him?

You live there too - implement the rule if 2 yes/no. You have a vote too.

Tell him his aunt won't stay with you for a week at your home. Period. No ifs or buts or why? Or your hormones!

Does he always treat you like this (servant)? Blaming the "hormones"?
The silent treatment is abusive and meant for you to cave. Stay strong

woodchuck99 · 22/12/2019 11:50

Considering you don't have a spare room and you are obviously not feeling that great it is extremely unreasonable of him.DH I would go and stay with your family if you can.

GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 11:58

My DH did this once, I have him a list of things that needed doing before the arrival, clean beds, housework, shopping cooking etc and it was only a weekend visit.

He did it all and was exhausted.

He never did it again.

mymadworld · 22/12/2019 12:03

My first thought was a very unmumsnet-like for god sake let the woman stay she's dh's aunt, but then saw you only have 2 beds and you have 2 children - there's no space for her and you absolutely can't expect your daughter to share with an adult she doesn't know.

Ash39 · 22/12/2019 12:04

It's his house too. So he does get to have a say. But it's not your responsibility to entertain her, given all the circumstances that you have explained.
The only way this will work is if he takes the time off to look after her

Jaxhog · 22/12/2019 12:09

Tell him to take the week off work.

This. And tell him he'll be on the sofa as DD will be sleeping with you.

Winterdaysarehere · 22/12/2019 12:12

An aunt she may be but surely allowing a stranger to share your dc's room is crazy?

redcarbluecar · 22/12/2019 12:17

YANBU, and it goes both ways - if I was the aunt in this situation I wouldn’t want to share a room with a child for a week. Stand your ground and be honest about your reservations.

Original poster

StrawberryDreamX · 22/12/2019 16:29

I would never invite anyone to stay, even if we had the space, without speaking to Dp first.
Dd really doesn't want to share her room and I don't blame her. It's not fair to have her in the same room as the baby, he wakes numerous times during the night and she is up early for school in the morning.
I have told him he has to tell her she will not be staying with us, end of story, and that he should have spoke to me first.
He won't be taking time off when she visits. He hasn't been in his job long, doesn't qualify for paternity pay, needs to keep annual leave for when the baby arrives.

OP posts:

Jeansforme · 22/12/2019 16:32

Somy your DH isn’t allowed family visits? Controlling much?

Jeansforme · 22/12/2019 16:33

*so

CallmeAngelina · 22/12/2019 16:40

So your DH isn’t allowed family visits?
Sure he's allowed them. If the TWO OF THEM agree that the circumstances fit, and if he is able to take time off work to host them properly. That's not the case here, so a visit from family doesn't work at the moment.

Grumpelstilskin · 22/12/2019 16:53

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss Congratulations on the cuntiest remark!

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 22/12/2019 16:58

Tell him NO ..and then tell him to grow up!

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 22/12/2019 16:59

@Grumpelstilskin

lovemenorca · 22/12/2019 17:02

I’m going to take a punt... he’s not British is he?

lovemenorca · 22/12/2019 17:06

It could work in your favour? If you like her - then you have pop out for a stroll / take a bath / she takes baby out for a stroll giving you a bit of head space etc

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