to think that the 'man child' types on here had mothers too?

littlepaddypaws · 2019-12-21T22:17:25+00:00

and the probably micro managed / helicoptered their sons from a very young age so in the future so another woman would be expected to pick up the slack, and according to mners, they frequently do. esp now in the christmas run up. are you brave enough to own up to doing this with your ds ?

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2019 22:33

Did they not have fathers?

Original poster

littlepaddypaws · 21/12/2019 22:35

iu really ? after reading goodness knows how many times on here about men who faff, can't do the simplest thing without making a big production out of it. i really do believe their mothers are the main reason they are like it.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlepaddypaws · 21/12/2019 22:36

fathers ? yes, probably but was the father like it too ?

OP posts:

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 22:41

Every man I've ever known who behaved like that had a mother who did everything. They were never asked to do chores, they were never told off for leaving a mess, if they were finding something hard the their mum would just come and do it for them. Why would they ever pick their clothes up off the floor when, for everyday of their lives growing up, the clothes just weren't there when they came home from school. Why would they cook when mum would always jump in and do it. Forget about cleaning
I do blame the fathers as well because those men clearly left all the work to the woman and didn't try to model a better version of a man. But really, every man like that I know had a mother as described.

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2019 22:45

fathers ? yes, probably but was the father like it too ?

I have no idea. Why do you think the mothers were single-handedly responsible?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/12/2019 22:46

i really do believe their mothers are the main reason they are like it.

So you’ve said. Once someone is an adult they need to take responsibility for learning how to look after themselves, if they don’t, that’s on them.

virginpinkmartini · 21/12/2019 22:46

Yes. My partner needs his arse wiped from time to time, and I try and get him to take more initiative, and you can see its a direct result of being mollycoddled by Mummy, who even in his 20s, made appointments for him for example (and tried to for me. I cut that shit dead.)
My son will not be raised in this way. I tell his dad that if he burns his mouth even though he's been told 3 times to wait until his food cools, then it's tough shit. If I say 10 more minutes on his Switch, then I mean it. I will let my son go out of my sight in a soft play climbing frame, whereas Dad will be having a heart attack every 30 seconds, not taking his eyes off him. I'm trying to get him to realise that boundaries can be set but you have to let kids learn lessons. I don't want my son being a wet blanket. I love my partner, but he doesn't always think for himself because he didn't need to growing up.

JaceLancs · 21/12/2019 22:51

I’m not one of them! DS is 26 and quite capable of cooking, cleaning, laundry etc if he meets Mr Right am sure all work will be shared equally
I also dislike the ageist stereotypes eg still living in the 1950s
DF who died recently at 93 was brought up by his DF (as his DM died when he was 2) and was perfectly capable of running a home
I remember Xmas as a child and all the prep involved etc - including DF asking DM ‘what do you want me to sort?’
He usually ended up doing all the cleaning, bed making, etc and DM sorted the food as she liked cooking best

JanesKettle · 21/12/2019 22:53

Woman hating is in vogue this weekend!

They also had fathers. Who, unless dead, had 50% of the responsibility for the upbringing of their twatty sons.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/12/2019 22:53

I don’t think it’s all down to helicopter parenting but would think it was more about the role models they watched growing up. If dad works and mum doesn’t so picks up the house stuff then that’s the norm to them.

It’s down to both parents to model the ideal situation re house and work so that they see it as the norm to do both.

JanesKettle · 21/12/2019 22:54

Seriously, can the internalized misogyny (and just the outright misogyny) on this site just fuck off ?

thebear1 · 21/12/2019 22:56

I have two DS. I don't want them to be like some of the men on here and their father isn't. However I get fed up of constantly asking them to do things for themselves so sometimes I do it for them. So sometimes they pick their pants up sometimes I do. They have time to learn.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 21/12/2019 22:58

They may also have had fathers who only saw them every other weekend, though. And who because of that wanted the son to love them best and therefore played the old good cop game and never made them lift a hand for themselves.

Original poster

littlepaddypaws · 21/12/2019 22:59

who's is hating women jane ? i'm certainly notand am mum to 4 adult ds and they certainly aren't hopeless.
there are some good answers on here and some people get what i'm saying.

OP posts:

Lucyccfc68 · 21/12/2019 23:00

My DS is 14 and I ensure that he does his share round the house. He hoovers, polishes, washes pots, puts the bins out, cleans his room and uses the washing machine. Currently teaching him how to iron.

At his Dad's house, he is not expected to do anything - saying that, my house is spotless and his Dad's is a pig-sty.

I think both parents have a responsibility for ensuring their sons are raised as men and not useless arseholes.

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2019 23:00

They may also have had fathers who only saw them every other weekend, though. And who because of that wanted the son to love them best and therefore played the old good cop game and never made them lift a hand for themselves.

Well, if that’s the case, there should be an equal ratio of bone-idle, shiftless, useless daughters of such men.

Tigger001 · 21/12/2019 23:07

Is the question not about mothers because these hopeless men expect their mollycoddling mothers place to be replaced once married.

I can't stand a hopeless man , thankfully the only one I know is my cousin and he expected/expects his wife to do everything for him, just as his mum did. I asked my Aunt if she was embarrassed to have raised him that way (as my uncle didn't mollycoddle him, but he is also useless so my Aunt waits on him) she said she just wanted to do everything for them because she loved them

My cousin now has a few daughters, his wife is breaking the cycle, or trying to show them it's not the way a partner should expect you to behave.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 21/12/2019 23:12

Behind every man-child, there are usually two parents who thought it should all be the woman's job.

But also, virginpinkmartini, please reassure me you are talking metaphorically about the arse wiping, please. Please.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/12/2019 23:16

My DP was a hopeless man when I met him. His dad did nothing and his mum did everything, she wanted too and wouldn't allow them into the kitchen.

We've had arguments because apparently I should be waiting on her son hand and foot. His father has a new wife who also does absolutely everything.

Fortunately it took a bit of learning and teaching him how to do things such as cooking (it really was that bad) but he's brilliant now.

1Morewineplease · 21/12/2019 23:28

My son is 22 and is at uni. I worry about everything, yet I say nothing. Why should I ?
He’s about to go off to Europe for three months and I’ll have absolutely no say on anything.
That’s the way it should be.. yet I so want to remind him to change his bed, put antibac in his washing and make sure he goes to the dentist.

Khione · 21/12/2019 23:30

My son is like this with his partner. He does cook, but won't do anything else.

I was a single parent from when he was 8 and my daughter 7 and I worked full time. He learned and enjoyed cooking and regularly used to cook for us from not much older. By 12 he could organise and cook a barbeque for around 12 with no problems.

Clothes and bedding were only washed if he put them for the wash and I didn't do anything in his bedroom. When he was 11 he commented he felt sorry for his friend who couldn't even make his own sandwiches.

It's not that he can't because he can but he just doesn't care, his partner has to do it all. I've suggested she leaves it too but she won't and he probably wouldn't notice anyway as far as general housework is concerned although he would wash and iron his clothes for work.

Yes some have never learned or been expected to do anything but others just don't see why they should as they know their partner will never let it gat bad enough that it bothers them.

Lycidas · 21/12/2019 23:31

My mother in law still refers to my husband as ‘my baby’ and almost shed a tear in sympathy for him when I told her we’d instated a cleaning rota. When he was at university he’d come home every weekend and she’d do his laundry and restock his freezer with food. I do hold her responsible for some of his infantile tendencies. He’s a wonderfully supportive husband in many other ways, so this ‘man-child’ behaviour wasn’t a deal breaker, but it’s something I still have to battle against...

JanesKettle · 21/12/2019 23:32

who's is hating women jane

Blaming mothers for the actions and attitudes of their adult sons.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 21/12/2019 23:34

Early on in our relationship my ex had a cold - sorry, I mean, ‘was on his deathbed and far too weak to move’ - and he called his mum and asked her to come over and make him a cup of tea. She did, and cleaned our flat while she was there too.

In hindsight I should have run for the hills right then and there!

HopeClearwater · 21/12/2019 23:37

put antibac in his washing

Stop trying to kill every microbe there is!
No need!