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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not wrap MIL's presents?

61 replies

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 21/12/2019 21:30

I have done most of the decorating, food and present shopping, and have made a start on wrapping some presents. As DH's contribution to Christmas thus far has been to get the decorations out of the garage and plug in the outside lights, I thought it would be nice if he at least wrapped his Mum's presents - we're seeing her tomorrow.

He eventually rolled in from playing with his new car about an hour ago, made a big song and dance about finding the paper, and the scissors, and the sellotape, and has proceeded to get sellotape stuck to everything, tear big holes in the paper, and generally get himself into a thoroughly unpleasant mood, ending up ripping all the paper off his latest attempt, balling it up, throwing it across the room and giving up, all the while making comments like, "you're so good at this...", and "be nice to me, I'm really struggling."

I've sweetly suggested he leaves it and comes back to it in the morning. It's bleedin' obvious that what he wants is for me to take over and do it for him, poor lamb. AIBU not to offer unless he actually asks me, using his words, including the "please" one?

OP posts:
Vebrithien · 21/12/2019 21:33

Hell no, YANBU! Step away from the wrapping, lady!

PinkiOcelot · 21/12/2019 21:34

I can see you’re trying to make a point, but it could have been wrapped now. I would have just done it.

Kuponut · 21/12/2019 21:35

He used scissors - that's more than DH who I found had been so bloody lazy he'd tried to rip the paper into shape, thus wasting a huge chunk of it off the roll.

JasonPollack · 21/12/2019 21:35

Don't do it. Not even if he asks nicely. Not unless he's doing different wifework in exchange.

mediumbrownmug · 21/12/2019 21:38

I wouldn’t do it even if he asked “nicely” as you actually need the help, and he doesn’t. He’s a grown, functioning adult and presumably can tape some paper to a box without his wife’s help. My DH has just said for me not to bother wrapping DS’s gifts tonight as he’ll take care of it. Because, you know, adults. Good luck, OP. Flowers

codenameduchess · 21/12/2019 21:38

It's pretty tragic that a grown ass man can't wrap a present, leave him to it and don't wrap the gift! Use it as a subtle way to let mil know her son is useless.

Youseethethingis · 21/12/2019 21:39

Haha did you see the thread about the adult hinters earlier in the week? Your DH sounds like the male version of that OPs work colleague.
It’s manipulation, it’s childish, it’s his mother. Don’t lift a finger until poor emotional man baby can use his words. And even then, only if you feel like it.

Legomanships · 21/12/2019 21:40

It’s not something I would die on a hill for...

Downton57 · 21/12/2019 21:43

Don't do it for him and why are you doing so much anyway? I think there should be a competency exam for prospective husbands/partners. It might prevent so many women ending up with these oversized children.

mrsed1987 · 21/12/2019 21:45

Id just do it. Infact i did do all the wrapping, except for my own presents

Bluerussian · 21/12/2019 21:46

Insist he does some wrapping. My husband was an extremely neat wrapper, better than me and I enjoy doing it and think I do it quite well. There are men in warehouses and factories who parcel up goods all year around, it's not a particularly feminine thing to do. Both do some!

Original poster
Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 21/12/2019 21:47

Just tearing the paper? That's awful!

@PinkiOcelot, I could, but I'm comfy in my recliner with my Chromebook. The whole, "But mu-um..." thing really gets on my pip. If it gets to the 11th hour, sellotape attached to the dog and us all knee deep in shredded paper I will probably graciously step in and save the day, but he has two hands with opposable thumbs, just like me

OP posts:
OceanSunFish · 21/12/2019 21:47

Of course YANBU! He can learn to wrap a present FFS.

DowntonCrabby · 21/12/2019 21:51

It astounds me on MN how women end up married to and having children with these men. Confused

Do not bloody do it!

pallisers · 21/12/2019 21:51

It’s not something I would die on a hill for...

why is not wrapping your MIL's present "dying on a hill". Surely it is just a reasonable enough response. Yeah she could have done it but no she doesn't have to. It isn't actually a big deal if he figures out how to wrap it himself. Would people really think that there would be a big fight/response if they simply didn't rise to the hints?

Original poster
Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 21/12/2019 21:51

Oh yes - the adult hinters! I'd forgotten about that!

He's just apologised. Sort of. I suppose it's a start!

OP posts:
Elouera · 21/12/2019 21:55

Each year I use more and more gift bags. Stick the present in and off you go!!! Its reusable and reasonably eco-friendly too.

Personally, I'd leave him to it!

BackforGood · 21/12/2019 21:57

To me, it depends on what you both do in terms of all the other things that need doing to make a family and home function.

I don't see the point in making one person do half of each task, when some people either like or hate particular tasks or people are good at / rubbish at particular tasks.

I learned this 30 years ago when I first flat shared. I started thinking everything ought to be done half each, I soon realised my flatmate liked some jobs I didn't, and I didn't mind doing some other things she hated. I've found the same with my dh. We don't do 1/2 of each job, each.

Foodtheif · 21/12/2019 21:57

My 7 year old wrapped her siblings present today. Yes, it could have been better but she proudly did it all herself and was so pleased she’s managed it. I’m sure your hubby can do it if she can.

Ronnie27 · 21/12/2019 22:00

This is exactly what gift bags were made for!

CheshireChat · 21/12/2019 22:04

BackforGood we have this sort of arrangement in our house, I recently had to wrap some presents and I'm fairly terrible at it.

I think the thing that would annoy me the most is the show of (probably) deliberate incompetence- he wants you to see how bad he is so you take pity and do it for him.

I'd either suggest he wraps all of the presents from now on as he needs the practice or you swap for a task you hate 🤷🏻‍♀️.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/12/2019 22:04

YY to gift bags or if he wants to use wrapping paper then practice makes perfect Smile.

louderthan · 21/12/2019 22:06

I like wrapping so I'd probably do it but I'd make damn sure that he did his fair share of other jobs.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 21/12/2019 22:07

My DH is dyspraxic and finds wrapping hellish. I do all the wrapping for all of the presents. I do like it so I don't begrudge it. DH does things for me that I hate to do-
However there are still my presents from DH-so for years dd has wrapped DH presents to me. When DD was around 7 she gave DH a price list for her wrapping services which he happily pays.
Maybe some sort of swap or the DC help?

Stompythedinosaur · 21/12/2019 22:08

My 8 and 6yo can wrap presents. He could watch a you tube tutorial if he is massively struggling.

The palavar would have thoroughly pissed me off. Not only is he not pulling his weight, he clearly hasn't appreciated that there are skills within the work he considers himself too good for.