It’s the most wonderful time of the year....Apparently. AIBU to find Xmas with young kids so hard?

[Knoxinbox]

Just that really. Have 5 year old DD recently diagnosed with ASD and a 16 month old DS who seems to be going through the most destructive, suicidal, rough stage! Just constantly on the go into everything, but also so clingy and screams at me almost all day long. Doesn’t sleep so well and BF a lot. Just so rough with me, scratches and pulls my hair out :(

DD finding Xmas overstimulating I think even though we are trying to keep everything super low key.

We’ve all been really ill recently too. DH works all hours and I’m a SAHM so on my own with the kids a lot. No family near by and wouldn’t want their help anyway as they are so difficult!

Just having a pity party after a difficult day. And dreaming wistfully of my old pre-children life of Xmas parties, lie ins, lying around eating chocolates drinking wine and watching Xmas films with DH. Lovely long haul holidays or weekends away together.

I often feel like I’ve disappeared and just exist for the DC now. DD only in school part time because she can’t cope with more.

AIBU not to be feeling particularly xmasy?

Just me then

Mine are older now but I remember those difficult times. 16 months is a hard stage, it does get easier. Does dh have much time off over xmas? I used to go and have long baths with a cuppa and a book whenever I could.

Not just you. I have a 4yo ds with asd, and a younger dc too. It’s tough.

It gets better, I promise! Hugs

You are definitely not alone op. I’m a single mum with no ex in the picture as he is absent. I have 4 and just find Christmas so tough! Can’t wait till it’s all over. No family either. I hate that all the pressure is on me.

Oh I get it, children struggle being out of routine and that impacts everyone.

It'll get easier, but don't stress about it being perfect.

I think Christmas can highlight the myth of perfect family life and when things are tough it feels even worse because of it. The idea of starry eyed children waiting for Father Christmas in crisp clean nightwear hanging up stockings whereas the reality is bedtime tantrums etc.

My worse Christmas ever was when my first child had his first Christmas. He was about six months old and didn't stop crying the entire day. My partner was working, my inlaws were having the day to themselves and my family lived many miles away. I'd never felt more alone or stressed than I did that Christmas. I just remember taking him out in the pram in the rain to try to settle him and looking in on all the decorated houses where everyone was with family and having a wonderful time (at least in my mind).

The best Christmases are the ones of my childhood. No stress, people buying you presents, all the magic and excitement and lots of family all around (many no longer with us now :( ).

@Tumbleweed101 that's all so true.... poor you that first Christmas Day 😢

Thanks all. Crap to hear others feel similar but nice not to feel alone.

That sounds tough Tumbleweed I remember my birthday when DD was 4 months old. DH was travelling for work, my parents and ILs were driving me barmy (being all judgmental and unsupportive with a new baby) so I spent it alone with DD who was in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression from hell. I remember just feeling so alone and unimportant/invisible and down

DH has popped to the shop and the DC are finally asleep (for now) so I’m off to eat a fuckton of chocolate

You're right it's rubbish at that age!
It gets easier.
Mine are 8 and 11. Perfect now...

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable. I don’t have it as hard as you by any stretch as I have family help. My two are similar ages though, and I’m definitely finding things harder at the moment. We’ve all been ill as well.

We are just having that 4 month sleep regression, growth spurt and teething with DC2 who has reflux and allergies..... so I completely get it. It has been really hard on DD (5) who is shattered, overwhelmed and just can’f have my full attention because DS won’t go to anyone except me without screaming blue murder.
I keep telling myself this will pass and in a couple of years we can get all magical with it. Just trying to hide the stress I feel from DD as she is so excited.

Argh I tried to hard, saving for 6 months, buying all the food and presents... Spent all week nonstop cleaning, hosting family crap! Beinging smiley smiley smiley! For my husband to be a moody arse (cause he's tired!!!!) & the kids have turned into little brats, trashing the house and fighting!!! Fuck Christmas!

I think it’s really hard as the pressure is on to make Christmas magical for the older one but the youngest still has such basic needs. Next year should hopefully be easier for you but it is easy to see the ‘making memories’ posts on social media and feel a bit inadequate.

At about 3pm this afternoon after my youngest had pushed me to my very limit i decided i no longer wanted to be a parent.....had a little cry in the car park.....im sat now with a baileys....hoping tomorrow will be a better/easier day!!! You are not alone!!

YANBU - it gets better every year though. Mine are 12 and 15 this year and it's the most fun yet IMO.

If I’m going to be really honest, we didn’t really do Xmas with the kids until they were both of school age. One year we didn’t even bother with a tree because it was such a hazard with a super destructive toddler and a crawler! We had no view of the lounge from the kitchen in that house so just decided it wasn’t worth it.
Also, We were slaves to DC1’s routine because he just couldn’t cope with changes, visitors and the unexpected. We are a family of December birthdays and there was potential for the whole bloody month to be a meltdown. So, they got present (second hand toys due to budget) but really no fanfare and hype. We delayed Christmas until the baby and toddler years were well done and dusted. They live it now at junior age!

Solidarity sister ! Christmas can do one

How’s everyone getting on? We had a much better day yesterday but today DD back to feeling overwhelmed and over excited and has been impossibly controlling and tearful/shouting/screaming today

Falalalalalala

Its a funny one because I am really aware that Christmases when your kids are small are so few. So I am really treasuring the little moments with my eldest who is 3.5. But equally I also have a 16mo op same as you and my eldest is struggling with lack of routine and it is really fucking hard at times. So I'm also kind of really looking forward to a time when they are older... X

Nope I have a five year old (who is fab but exhausted because she’s a crap sleeper) and a two year old who we “affectionately” refer to as the Tasmanian devil. I am on my knees.

I’ve found my people! I have a 2yr old and a 3yr old who are running me ragged with their fighting. The older one has also started having full blown tantrums about everything and anything and is really clingy to me. We don’t have any family close and have all been ill so I’m behind in any kind of Christmas prep. The house is a tip and my husband is ill, I’m letting him sleep all day because I want him to be better for Wednesday. Managed to get the food today and wrap the children’s presents so called that a win but I keep picturing friends beautiful homes and perfect children in my head. It’s just us for Christmas and I so want it to be special but I imagine it’ll just be exhausting

Oh sorry everyone

One of my New Years resolutions (along with being better at sticking to a budget!) is to just put myself under less pressure.

Not necessarily because I wanna everything to be “perfect” but just because I often feel like I’m not doing a good job, or the kids never seem happy or whatever.

Just going to try and be kinder to myself

Really similar situation for me . 5 yaw old with asd . 2!year old destroying everything in sight ,brastfeefing and not sleeping. 5!year old being ultra controlling and difficult . Cheers op!

Two things that got me through the times you are describing OP:(although I never had it quite as difficult as you) no one has that perfect house/family/Christmas all the time. Everyone is working incredibly hard to make everything as perfect as possible, but there are meltdowns and tantrums all over, they are just hidden away.

And it passes! Things get better, and you work out what just doesn't work for you and stop doing it or cooking it. We decided there was a thing called Christmasitis, where children feel tired and uncomfortable and possibly slightly ill and this is just a minor illness that passes. I told my DS1 this when he was about 3 and was restless and couldn't settle to anything and got in a mood and he decided Christmasitis described how he felt and calmed right down. A couple of days when no one was allowed to say the word Christmas also helped.

So the stressful toddler Christmases pass, it's much better when they are older and if you don't want to cook bread sauce or join in with the Elf thing, just don't.