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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely exhausted by my friend?

58 replies

BanKittenHeels · 21/12/2019 17:10

My friend is a very sweet woman and we get on incredibly well, we have very similar backgrounds, professions and tastes/hobbies. But I am at the point of finding her so exhausting.

She is constantly in some kind of dating drama and has to analyse it to the nth degree.
For instance she has had a few dates with a few guys from tinder over the last and nothing much has come from them (probably because she hasn’t dealt with the break up of her marriage 3 years ago). A few have lead to at most a third or fourth date and some texting. I understand the disappointment but it has got to the point where she is referring to these as “break ups”, “destroying” and “heartbreak”. She takes to her bed for days on end.
She wants to talk about it all constantly, she will text me about it with in depth analysis and asking for advice all day long. I give her well thought out advice and she just ignores it or takes offence - where there is none to take.
She is taking weeks off work to “mourn her heartbreak” and saying some people not calling her back “is like the death of a loved one” (just what I need to hear with a loved one in a hospice).
We recently went out in a big group to celebrate us all achieving something professionally. She spent the entire evening moaning about a guy that she had met twice who had decided he wasn’t in a good place to date as he was still mourning the loss of his wife. She ended up crying and dominating the entire evening.

Tonight a guy from tinder is due to meet her for a first date but his friend unexpectedly flew in early, so he went for an afternoon drink and explained to her, he would probably be 30 mins late and said “I’ll move our reservation, I can’t wait to see you.”
She has been on the phone to me on and off since 2pm sobbing her heart out.

AIBU to be exhausted by this?

OP posts:
DonutMan · 22/12/2019 00:28

Apologies if that sounds harsh. I'm probably just projecting the fact that I can't really get overwrought about dating drama etc anymore - I used to work for a company that did digital analysis for the police and necessarily had to read case notes on rapes, murders, child abuse etc, which taught me how to view things objectively (if you didn't you'd end up badly affected).

BanKittenHeels · 22/12/2019 10:10

Yes I probably should walk away from the friendship.
I have a pressured job, a house full of DC that already exhaust me enough as it is.

It’s hard to walk away from someone you have known for many, many years but I see that it’s for the best.

Thanks all. And thanks for the wishes regarding my sibling.

OP posts:
girlygirl98 · 22/12/2019 10:16

Give her a copy of 'the rules' by Ellen fein and Sherrie Schneider for Christmas. It will sort out all dating angst and issues if she follows that. She can also join all the associated groups on facebooks full of women with the same dilemmas. Then she'll stop pestering you

girlygirl98 · 22/12/2019 10:18

@BanKittenHeels I can give you the details of the groups if you want.
Women do get obsessional over dating and the world of modern dating is incredibly complex of you don't have any idea how to navigate it so do try to have a little patience if she's a good friend

LeilaDarling · 22/12/2019 20:53

I ended a 9 year friendship this year with a similar person - constantly obsessing about any man she came into contact with, postmen, neighbours, work colleagues etc.
It DRAINED the blood from my soul in the end.
Also another friend had a tedious habit of regaling texts between her and whoever the man she was dating at present - basically it was he text this and I text that - on and on.. soooo boring!!!!

dayslikethese1 · 22/12/2019 23:19

Has she always been like this?

BanKittenHeels · 28/12/2019 19:19

She hasn’t always been this bad, she has been hard work around this kind of thing before but recently it has been a whole other level.

Today for instance I woke up to 67 WhatsApp messages from her about a date she had been on who hadn’t replied to a text within 12 hours (in which I suspect he was sleeping for some of the time). When I hadn’t replied she went to my Instagram and liked every post for the last year.

I’m done.
Thank fuck I have therapy next week, I need to spill.

OP posts:
QueenOfOversharing · 28/12/2019 19:34

When I hadn’t replied she went to my Instagram and liked every post for the last year.

This gives me the shivers - I've just blocked someone who would do that kind of shit. I just don't understand the fucking neediness!

Best wishes for your sibling too - can't believe anyone would bombard you like this, with family being gravely ill! That's the measure of her!

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