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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Not doing presents' but still accepting gifts...

311 replies

tiddlerandtea · 21/12/2019 15:02

I have name changed as my aunts gift is very specific.

My aunt collects and loves Royal Albert Tea Sets. She asks for a particular style from my siblings and I every year and it's not always the full set but sometimes a style of tea pot or whatever.

This year she asked if all families would team up and buy her the Miranda Kerr for Royal Albert Tea set. We said yes and she asked for lists of gifts back for the families that roughly totaled the price we paid for the tea set.

That was fine.

I am the last house that she visits every year out of my siblings and I am the one who always presents her the gift and then leaves her home after. She turned up at my sisters house last night announcing that she wasn't doing gifts this year and my sister text me immediately to tell me.

She then came to my house and announced the same and while we were giving gifts to other family members who had arrived with her I purposely left her gift in another room ready to be returned Monday morning. My aunt said she was looking forward to showing everyone her new set and I said no, if she wasn't doing gifts she should have mentioned at the end of November when lists were being swapped instead of us spending a lot of money to receive nothing in return.

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over and decided that from now on we weren't doing gifts at all instead of 'punishing' my aunt as she is really really keen on the set. My siblings are all happy for the gift to be returned and us to all receive our money back.

I have apologised and said that I appreciate it was probably embarrassing but I am not handing out a £400 gift on behalf of my siblings and I when my aunt is coming with her arms the one length and fully willing to accept the gift. The money is better being shared back out and spent on our own families.

I am ready to be told I am unreasonable and it all sounds petty but I am sick to death of people claiming they aren't doing presents but not vocalising it with anyone else. It makes you look grabby and like a right old scrounge.

I also don't care about the 'act of giving'. People can say all day long it's about the feeling you get when someone opens a present they love but 9/10 it's just about keeping up appearances and being seen to play the Christmas game in my eyes.

OP posts:
VanyaHargreeves · 21/12/2019 17:03

I wonder how many hits that teaset is getting due to this thread 😂

I find it a bit overdone/gaudy

FinallyHere · 21/12/2019 17:03

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over

Well, she would say that, wouldn't she 😀

Well done, @tiddlerattea

kateandme · 21/12/2019 17:05

text her back and tell her yes it was rather embarrassing wasnt it.but do tell her not to feel to embarrassed its all ok.

its ok to say no gifts then accept if the person then goes and gets a token something.but no.especailly something that costs that much!
i dont think ive ever spent that much on my aunt in the first place...

kateandme · 21/12/2019 17:06

VanyaHargreeves off to google Grin

whiteroseredrose · 21/12/2019 17:07

That is breathtakingly cheeky!

Very pretty tea set though. Tell cousin to tell her the tea set is down to £311 in House of Fraser sale so she can buy it with the money she's saved from buying presents.

Original poster
tiddlerandtea · 21/12/2019 17:08

*I wonder how many hits that teaset is getting due to this thread 😂

I find it a bit overdone/gaudy*

I should have contacted them for a commission Grin

I agree! It might be a nice collection to have I guess when it's all together?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 17:08

I googled it too... no my laptop is full of variations of it lol Grin Grin

kateandme · 21/12/2019 17:09

i cant find anything for that much?

VanyaHargreeves · 21/12/2019 17:10

Here :

www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/royal-albert-miranda-kerr-fine-bone-china-15-piece-tea-set_5096-10010-40010668/

Reduced by £100

You've been had OP

Rightsaidmabel · 21/12/2019 17:11

Cor blimey!And it's now out of stock at Selfridges after a nice reduction......

Rightsaidmabel · 21/12/2019 17:12

Cross post with Vanya!

Maddison12 · 21/12/2019 17:12

@TigerOnATrain Made for the most pretentious of t0ssers 😂😂

Yanbu op, good for you!

Also to everyone who is saying how awful lovely the tea set is, it's currently on sale for £311 in selfridges. But they are low in stock, so act now to avoid disappointment.

SucculentCandle · 21/12/2019 17:13

So many teasers does she have now, OP?

I like that tea set.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 21/12/2019 17:13

I would have told your 'embarrassed' cousin, presumably the CF daughter of your CF aunt, that if she's truly appalled by your behaviour instead of her mother's then she is welcome to bring you £400 cash before Monday for the tea set and present it to her mother.

You did the right thing. Well done.

Bishybarnybee · 21/12/2019 17:16

Is this for real? Who clubs together to get a £400 teaset for an aunt anyway? No-one in my world.

rookiemere · 21/12/2019 17:17

Oh well done OP. We're cutting back on some of our gift giving this year - but only after prior consultation- and due to DH's insatiably for gift giving and inability to stop, they'll all still be getting at least something small and likely we'll still spend more than their side, but at least it's cut the cost by £150 or so.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 21/12/2019 17:19

YANBU and i applaude your services to The Fight Against Cheeky Fuckers.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 21/12/2019 17:22

Nice for once to hear from an Op that didn't just capitulate and let herself be taken for a mug. Well done Op, I salute you, we need more women like you.

lisag1969 · 21/12/2019 17:23

Maybe she hasn't got any money. X

xlkhs · 21/12/2019 17:23

Well done op
That was outrageous cfery thinking she could get a £400 present for nothing!
It would be one thing if people were exchanging £10 gifts, then I’d have said, fine just hand it over even if she isn’t doing gifts. But £400 Shock that’s outright theft and things wouldn’t be the same ever again for me. And I’d just say no gifts at all next year.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 21/12/2019 17:24

That tea set is hideous.
She's a cheeky fucker with bad taste.

I understand celebs having products out but miranda Kerr designing a tea set is a weird match to me.

milliefiori · 21/12/2019 17:25

Of course YANBU. Nothing annoys me more in life than 'One rule for me, another for you.' Why should she get an expensive present if she has no generosity in her own heart and purse.

xlkhs · 21/12/2019 17:25

Well indeed maybe she hasn’t got any money - in that situation, why would she be collecting £400 china sets Confused

Isbutteracarb · 21/12/2019 17:28

What a CF, YANBU at all - good for you for not giving it to her, can't believe someone would actually come round, say they're not doing gifts then hold out their hands for a £400 tea set! Unbelievable. But also quite funny...

@Ceeceebloomingdale great idea Grin

Alyic · 21/12/2019 17:28

Well done I would have done the same as you, beyond cheeky

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