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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you feel that you have a purpose in life?

63 replies

Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 11:15

For sometime I feel as though I am just drifting in life with no real sense of purpose or reason.
I’m 46 and never really had any major ambition (which I deeply regret now as I realise now that I would have loved to have had a career).
Until a year ago I had been a SAHM for 10 years. I now work part time for a disabled lady and next year will also help look after my mum. She has Alzheimer’s and dad needs a couple of days to himself so I’ve offered to help (sibling works full-time so cant help).
It’s too late to retrain for anything, I don’t really have the funds and most of my time is taken up looking after everyone else.
AIBU to ask if this is just normal life and maybe I’m having a bit of a mid life crisis? Do any of you feel that you have a sense of purpose? If you do what is it that gives you that feeling of purpose and contentment?

OP posts:
elderflowerviolet · 21/12/2019 11:18

No. I think that careers and jobs are about money and I want to earn as much of it as I can, so I will try to better myself to that end but I don’t kid myself it’s for any purpose other than my own monetary gain.

I’m a nice person honestly Xmas Grin

Jumpi · 21/12/2019 11:22

I think this is how all SAHMs must feel deep down. They then put everything into their kids hobbies and schooling/careers instead.

I find it helpful to set yearly goals, it makes a difference to have something to work towards.

BornSnippy · 21/12/2019 11:23

I do. I’m early 40s. My purpose is fourfold:

  • raise met kids to feel secure and happy and to be kind;
  • continue to progress in my career to make my organisation the happiest workplace it can be and to ensure it serves the people of the country as best it can;
  • continue to volunteer my time each week for the charity I am passionate about to improve the prospects for kids in my area;
  • be kind and attentive to friends and acquaintances every day so that in a tiny way I can believe I am helping make people’s’ lives better.

Basically I only see the point in living if I can end each day feeling I did what I could to make society a little kinder. I feel the World is pretty fucked up and I can get quite upset about it unless I feel I’m doing my little bit to change things.

SerenDippitty · 21/12/2019 11:24

I don’t actually feel that I need one, as such. I didn’t ask to be born and do not have to justify my existence.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/12/2019 11:27

No, but I don’t need one. I’m just making my way through life, keeping myself amused, enjoying my time here as much I can and hopefully not actively making anyone else’s life worse along the way. I figure if we all did more or less the same, the world would be a better place for it. But I don’t believe in any obligation to change the world or fulfil some sort of purpose.

Chamomileteaplease · 21/12/2019 11:29

To leave the world a better place than I came into it.

Generally by trying to be kind and lovely to people Xmas Smile. When I can bear to Grin.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/12/2019 11:29

Do you want a career? It's not too late to retrain.

If not, can you set yourself other targets for each year? Learn to ski, learn a language, learn a style of cooking...

aroundtheworldyet · 21/12/2019 11:30

It’s not to late to do a degree or train for something or even take some taster classes in something you might enjoy. You never know where it might lead

PlomBear · 21/12/2019 11:31

I’ve had a series of bullshit jobs that mean nothing.

OceanSunFish · 21/12/2019 11:32

I don't think that 46 is too late to retrain. My SIL is a couple of years younger than you and retrained as a social worker a year ago. I'm the same age as you, and I changed careers aged 40 (after several years as a SAHM) and recently applied for a new job in something a bit different again. Both times didn't / won't involve any retraining costs - I just applied for a different job and hope to demonstrate that I have transferable skills. I haven't heard back yet from the recent application, so I may be rejected - but I'm giving it a go! Is being a carer what you want to do or do you feel under family pressure to do so?

SophieSong · 21/12/2019 11:32

What did you do before becoming a SAHM? I think a purpose doesn't have to be about some grand plan - I think it's more about connecting to what makes you feel really alive and interested in life. Might be a hobby, or a career, or parenting, or a million other things.

PlomBear · 21/12/2019 11:34

Do any of us actually have a purpose? In 100 years we will all be dead and forgotten. In a few thousand years, the earth won’t exist. It’s all pointless. The only thing you can do is enjoy every day because it will all be over one day.

elderflowerviolet · 21/12/2019 11:37

It isn’t too late but realistically OP may not be able to do so.

I honestly think MN think retraining is more straightforward than having a baby.

CaptSkippy · 21/12/2019 11:42

There are people getting college degrees in their 90s. If your mind and body allow you do it, why no? Go for it. You are 46, not dead.

Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 11:43

I really don’t have the funds to retrain tbh so feel that ship has sailed but I would like to invest more time into a hobby or trying some volunteering maybe?
OceanSunFish I didn’t plan on being a sahm for so long I applied for hundreds of different jobs and only landed one interview which was unsuccessful. It’s why I ended up as a pa for a disabled lady, it wasn’t my ideal job tbh but was all I could get.

OP posts:
Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 11:46

elderflowerviolet I do kind of agree with you. As kind as it is that people encourage retraining, I have looked into it in the past and the kind of things I am interested in take years and cost thousands, thousands I just don’t have, sadly.

OP posts:
JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 21/12/2019 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 11:47

CaptSkippy but I think those people must have money because everything I’ve looked into costs £££’s.

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 21/12/2019 11:48

No. Am I supposed to?

elderflowerviolet · 21/12/2019 11:52

And also there’s a time element. Realistically op would be 48 or thereabouts when she started work.

That’s okay if it is a shortage profession, I get that she could have 15 working years, but for other possibilities, it’s very late to start.

ViaSacra · 21/12/2019 11:53

No, but I don’t think I need a purpose.

BoomZahramay · 21/12/2019 11:54

We exist temporarily and by accident, therefore everyone has the same purpose: to seek out and create as much happiness for yourself as you can. Spreading a little to others seems pretty worththwhile too.

Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 12:01

It’s lovely to not feel that there should be a sense of purpose and to just live your life, I very much admire that way of thinking, my husband lives his life like this, it probably does bring a natural sense of contentment but unfortunately I am an overthinker and always feel I should have some sense of fulfilment. Maybe I should look into volunteering and helping some cause?

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 21/12/2019 12:08

I don't feel that I have a "purpose", but I also don't feel that I need one.

I do have to work, but outside of that I plan to enjoy myself as much as I can, spend time with people who I enjoy being with and who deserve my company, and that's that.

Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/12/2019 12:10

Maybe I am over thinking it (and looking at social media too much!!). Maybe I should just relax and enjoy the good things I have and stop thinking that I need more? Maybe that is the answer to having a purpose?

OP posts:
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