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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like I should come off Citalopram but I like myself better on it?

41 replies

Sillysausageandeggs · 20/12/2019 23:24

I recently tapered off Citalopram. I started taking it a couple of years ago during a particularly rough patch in my life and thought I really didn't need it anymore. The circumstances that led to me taking it are all gone now. Fast forward to now, I slowly slowly slowly tapered off on my GPs advice and was doing ok. But Christmas. And winter. I felt like I was snapping at everything, stressing out about minor things and basically felt like a zombie walking around. I felt really low. So I've started taking them again and I feel better. AIBU to think I should be off them? Like I shouldn't be relying on medication to feel 'normal'? Why do I not have this 'medication guilt' about my IUD or the meds I take for arthritis?

OP posts:

littlepaddypaws · 20/12/2019 23:52

i take them as well as part of bi polar medication, i couldn't manage without them. if they help you, then carry on , as long as your gp is aware that you stillneed them they will over see the prescription and it would be best to continue.

Rachie1973 · 20/12/2019 23:55

I didn’t want to start citalopram for anxiety. Felt like I was ‘giving in’ but it was affecting the people around me, so I started at GPs urging last July. It was ‘to get me through’ and I was adamant I was only doing 6 months.

Fast forward 16 months. I’m still on them and doing great. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it!

MistyCloud · 21/12/2019 00:12

@Sillysausageandeggs

Whatever works for ya!

Nobody thinks anything of someone taking meds long-term (or for life) for a physical or chronic condition, so why should it be any different for mental health and those meds?

Do whatever makes you feel good.

bridgetreilly · 21/12/2019 00:14

If you need them, you need them. When I needed them, they made me feel like myself. I've been off them for about 18 months and feel fine without them, but I've been on and off them before and as soon as I realise I need them again, I'll be back at the doctors. There's no 'should' or 'shouldn't' with medication, it's just what you need.

StoneofDestiny · 21/12/2019 00:16

Not sure they are harmful so why would you feel you need to come off them?

Sparklesocks · 21/12/2019 00:35

If you need them you need them. There’s nothing wrong with that. Many, many people are on similar medication.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/12/2019 00:42

I've been on it for the last two years and it's really transformed my life. I simply don't get anxious in the way I used to and can cope with what life throws at me so much better.

I recently spoke to my doctor about tapering off and she was fine with it. I may see what happens without the meds, but I'll be right back on if I need to be.

Honestly, if something is improving your life, there's no reason to stop taking them. It's a medicine that improves your quality of life, same as any other. Good luck.

bluetongue · 21/12/2019 00:44

I had the exact same situation. Tapered off my anti depressants successfully but soon found myself getting angry at the smallest things and unable to stop myself crying. I’ve started taking them again as it’s now obvious I need them.

My problem is I’m not convinced I have depression and maybe just have a shitty personality and no resilience. It’s ridiculous of course because people die from depression related suicide everyday.

PseuDenim · 21/12/2019 01:31

I feel exactly the same albeit I genuinely didn’t have time to pick up a new prescription (20mg) before I went on a big work trip - after a week and a half I felt like I did when I first went on it for postnatal anxiety 4 years ago.

I have now been back and renewed the prescription because I don’t think that anxiety and the anger and stress it brings with it does anyone around me any good.

Only you know your mind and your body, and there’s no shame at all in giving yourself all the help you need to be who you are. So have at it!

PapayaCoconut · 21/12/2019 01:43

I know what you mean. I stopped about a year ago because my circulated changed and I do miss how I used to feel on them.

My cousin has been on them for a long time and they seem to have changed her personality. Instead of being depressed and anxious she's become really selfish and started doing things that seem reckless and, dare I say, morally objectionable. I can't be sure it's down to the SSRI but it does put me off going back on them even though I sometimes want to.

PapayaCoconut · 21/12/2019 01:43

*my circumstances changed!

onioncrumble · 21/12/2019 04:57

It's a sign you need them... Why do people feel the need to stop taking the one thing they need to be healthy? I don't say to my endocrinologist I am thinking about cutting out the Thyroxine ffs. I will take Cipralex every day until I die. And I am not ashamed.

OrangeSlices998 · 21/12/2019 05:11

If you need them, take them! Please don’t feel you ‘should’ come off, you may again feel in the future you don’t need them but for now you do so take them. I found therapy helpful too, once I came off my meds, as I needed to relearn managing my anxiety without them - might be something to speak to the GP about if you haven’t had any talking therapy/counselling? (CBT is usually offered but it only treats the symptoms not the underlying cause which is what I wanted to correct). Good luck

anxioussue · 21/12/2019 05:14

If they were medicine for a physical problem you'd take them, I know what you mean though as I should take them but don't

6000milesaway · 21/12/2019 07:47

I will be on antidepressants for life.

I came off them for a few years as I needed to to pass job medical. I now have the job and I’ve gone back on them as the last few years I’ve had hellishly low periods. 6 weeks in and I feel so so much better.

I don’t care, if I need them to be happy then so be it.

testing987654321 · 21/12/2019 08:12

I was on them in 3 stretches. About 18 months, then around 9 months and finally about 2 months during a stressful time.

That was over about 5 years. It feels as though my anxiety has got down to "normal" levels now, but I would use it again if I wasn't coping.

OneOfTheGrundys · 21/12/2019 08:20

If you need them you need them.
I’m sure this has been said before but if it were a ‘physical’ illness would you question your need? Not as likely. And yet that’s what depression is. Chemicals.
I’m on them. I’ll be on them in some form for life I think.
Hugs from one to another.

SerenDippitty · 21/12/2019 08:38

I’ve been on 20mg since January and have reduced my dose to 10mg to see how it goes. I suspect they’ve made me put on a bit of weight. Nothing wrong with people taking it as long as they need to though.

Original poster

Sillysausageandeggs · 21/12/2019 08:44

Thanks. Good thread here. I definitely feel better on them. I think there's something in the back of my head that makes me feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me as a person because I have to take them. Think it must be something about our society's views on mental health, or some kind of subconscious message I got growing up. I know it's ok to take them, and I know now that I need them. I'm also happy to see I'm not alone.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 21/12/2019 08:49

If you need them take them. There are no awards for going medication free if you need them. If you had diabetes no-one would be saying why don't you try managing without insulin for a bit.

For what it's worth I've been taking Citalopram for 9 years. I've reduced the dose to 10mg but I've got no plans to stop taking them.

Gatehouse77 · 21/12/2019 08:52

There's no 'should' or 'must' when it comes to taking the help you need.

Everybody has a crutch of some description. Unfortunately, some are more detrimental than helpful (addictions, anger, etc.) but I wouldn't put anti-depressants in that category.

This is where you are in control so stuff what anyone else says or what you 'think' is the right thing to do.

onioncrumble · 21/12/2019 08:55

A friend of mine once said she felt her husband was selfish because he kept stopping, going down and needing them again. I do think that we need to consider the people who look out for us as well. Depressed people are hard work!

Tash43 · 21/12/2019 08:58

You are right about the subconscious beliefs we have about drugs for mental health, I'm exactly the same. I've been on & off citalopram over the last 10ys, off them with 2 pregnancies then back on afterwards as feeling low. I felt I had an excuse for taking them as just after having a baby but my youngest is 7 now & having been trying to come off them slowly for the past Yr telling myself I shouldn't need them anymore. It's like a guilty feeling that I'm still taking them. I have maybe 1 or 2 a week (10mg). To be honest if I think about it my anxiety is getting worse these days & that's probably why. I remember a time feeling on top of the world & that was when I was on 40mg, I guess theres no point trying to be super human. If they make us feel good why not. After reading these threads I think I'm just going to go back to taking mines daily & maybe even increasing the dose. Life is too short

glitterboom · 21/12/2019 09:21

I was on citalopram for 2.5 years. I felt like I "should" come off them so I tapered off them over 2 months with the agreement of my GP. I fully came off them in July this year.

By October I was in a terrible place. I was an emotional wreck. It culminated in me no longer driving due to anxiety and I had many episodes of uncontrollable sobbing. It creeped up on me and dripped like a tap. With hindsight I can see that I had gone downhill but I didn't realise until one night I went on a very rare night out with friends and ended up sobbing in the pub.

My night out was the Saturday and I was back at the doctors sobbing on the Monday. I stayed in bed solidly for 1 week and was off work for 6 weeks, I barely left the house in that time.

Currently I feel great. I like myself again, I'm driving, taking my kids to school again
going out shopping, I have been back at work for a few weeks. I am me again. Thank god for my wonderful and supportive husband who did everything whilst dealing with his own mental health issues.

I have been on and off ADs since I was 16 (now 37). This past episode has made me realise, quite clearly, that I need them to function and be me. I am more than happy to stay on them forever now.

I thought I was ready to come off them because I felt good and felt like I didn't need them anymore. But I felt good because of them. I have complete clarity on that now and feel 100% at peace with that.

My advice is be careful and try to take notice of little changes in your behaviour and emotions. I guess there really is only one way to find out whether you need them or not. There is no shame in taking ADs, it took me to having what felt like a breakdown in October to realise this.

Good luck

Bluewavescrashing · 21/12/2019 09:26

I've been on Sertraline for years. Tried to come off it but became very ill with anxiety. I also feel really rubbish the first few weeks of restarting it so it's just not worth stopping and starting.

I have a big family and the whole of my dad's side are on Sertraline. 4 aunts and uncles, my late granny was on it, 6 cousins. I believe we have a genetic disposition to low serotonin levels. We need to take this drug to stay well. I'll be on it for life and I'm ok with that.

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