Kids and bloody phones ggrrrr

[DianneWhatcock]

DC (13, 10, 5) have totally ignored me all evening. just sat on their phones / devices on a separate floor to me. (5 yo hasn't got a phone she's got a tablet) while I sit watching telly like Billy no mates. I’ve asked if they want to watch a film / telly with me. Nope. Talk to them and just get grunts in return.

Sometimes I feel like they only want to know me when I’ve got something to offer ...as they seemed fairly keen to spend time with me when I took them out for a harvester earlier 😤

I sometimes wish it wasn’t a thing for kids to have phones ...once they get one i basically feel you lose them to it.

fucking you tube, tik tok and whatever other shit they go on can fuck right off

And I can't bloody type. Christmas stress

Affecting! Geez.

I think you can request 'no phone time' and also put limits on their devices. I use 'screen time' to turn off my teenagers' phones and to put on time limits. My eldest is 16 and I know I'm pushing my luck a bit, but I also still have her phone handed to me at night.
Dd (8) has access to a family iPad, but still loves time interacting with us - as recommended above, she really enjoys a game of uno or exploding kittens! I haven't bought any tech specifically for her yet as she still likes playing with actual toys and I've learnt that once they get to the phone age, it's so hard to stop 😬

My 9 yo twins aren't allowed any tech in school time, holidays they get half an hour on you tube and and an hour playing games, including rockstars for times tables. Any more they turn feral so it's better for us to have set limits. It absolutely negatively impacts their behaviour.

I must be blessed then my kids have every bit of tech going but they would still rather spend time with me... or get me to join in on roblox n that shit 😂my 4 year old does use my iPad but I'm stopping that I think it's too young.

I think that the comments are to be expected for an OP whose premise for starting this thread is to complain about her children ignoring her and being constantly on their devices. It is clearly something which she could control by simply setting limits but does not seems to wish to do so, so a problem of her own making and thus something she should take responsibility for and not complain about the result.

What is the difference between watching a screen in your hand (phone) and a screen on a stand (tv)? Is that not a little hypocritical?

I think the difference is the shared experience. To watch a phone screen is a solitary activity whilst TV watching on a large TV is social - everyone needs to decide on something to watch together and can talk about what is on the screen during the viewing.

@Mominatrix yes that's it, I'm actually ok with them watching telly as I think it's different to staring at a tiny screen

@SubordinateThatClause

Yep agreed ! Haha 😂

I do agree I need to set screen times etc. Just need to figure out how to do it as I'm a technophobe 🤦‍♀️

and I'm going to start getting them to hand their phones / tablet in the evenings at bedtime so they don't sneak on them at night

No one has their own tablet in our house

I'm actually ok with them watching telly as I think it's different to staring at a tiny screen

I don’t. And I think your language is telling - you ‘watch telly’ but they ‘stare at screens’

Surely you are also ‘staring at a screen’ albeit a larger one?

fucking you tube, tik tok and whatever other shit
What do you like to watch on telly? Do your children have the same interests as you - are they supposed to?

Good idea @Diannewhatcock. Get a basket or area next to your bed for all devices to live - for example all devices to go there at 5pm. The older one could have the phone back for school in the morning if needed??

I do understand the pressure on parents to do what other parents do - but is it healthy handing over these extremely addictive devices? Me I’m dreading my son turning 11 - I assumes that’s it age 11 u get a phone!i will succumb, so he can be part of the crowd but I will compromise by allowing him to have it an hour a day and to take it for the journey to and from school.

@Thehavenots

That is what I've done starting today! They aren't happy but it's tough shit 😂. Mines going off soon as well.

Yeah my eldest got a phone when he started high school. The ten year old got one in September cos she started walking to school (yr6) by herself, well, with friends. Once they're that age It's difficult as all their friends have them.

You mention your 5yo is watching cartoons - are they pre-loaded onto the tablet, or from youtube? Because even kids youtube contains some things I wouldn't want my DD (6) to watch - there have been some deliberately doctored Peppa Pig episodes for example.

@bathorshower oh no they're pre loaded ...I saw one of the peppa pig ones ages ago...absolutely vile no need for them. Who in their right mind would make stuff like that 😓

13 year old I can understand is tricky. But even then you should be doing some parenting. 5 year old on a tablet alone - ridiculous. Take some responsibility. I also think it’s a bit sad that rather than their overall welfare and possible addiction to devices you’re more preoccupied and offended about being ‘Billy no mates’ downstairs. Potentially the very least of your problems if you’re leaving all your kids unsupervised on their devices.

I understand! All the 10 year old at DD's school have phones, we ended up getting a sim card for an old phone of mine for her so she could talk to her friends because she was the only one in her group who didn't have one. To be honest, the novelty has worn off, she wanted to take it to school at the start, but got fed up after one day because they have to hand them in to the office in the morning and collect them in the afternoon. I don't see the point in taking them to school unless they're walking home on their own, which she doesn't. She was on hers a lot when she first had it, on group chats with her friends, but now she's thankfully getting a bit fed up with it and fed up being able to be in constant contact. Yesterday we got in at 1.30 from school and she didn't even switch it on till 5 after we'd spent the afternoon playing board games and making Christmas cards. She tends to be on it more when she's tired and can't be bothered to do other things.

why don't you just limit their use? My 12 year old has a phone, he's allowed it at certain times in the house but we limit it. If we didn't limit it he'd always be on it and we'd probably barely interact with him. Your kids are young - you are in charge.

I’ve always read these threads on MN, sap as I have autistic dc and device use seems to be a big problem. Dc are now 13, 11, 9 and 7. For around three years we introduce TV time. They can only watch tv between 5-7pm. It really works for us. All screens are included. Then dinner and bed. Dc don’t get a phone till the end of y7. They generally don’t nag for extra time, but if I serve dinner a little latter or on weekends, they may get more. They still play a lot of board games, read etc. And really 2’hours is a lot of time, so we don’t seem to battle with it. You could do something like that but move into it slowly?

Just tell them no devices in their bedrooms. The 5yo at least (if not also the 10yo) should be downstairs with their tech for monitoring purposes.

I have dcs with a similar age difference and it is easier to spend time together out. At home, everyone seems to do separate things but you can do some stuff together.
Some things are habit like Saturday night is always movie night if we’re at home. We do usually find something that they all will watch.
We have a few board/card games that we can all play together.
Usually have dinner together.