To be convinced this isn't autism

[Confusedmum1511]

My DS is 5 and has always had a limbo of ASD or not. I want out of the system and he has some assessments coming up I want to be confident cancelling.

Bits do fit:

Dislikes change
Routine driven
Sensory issues
Poor imaginative play
Prefers adult company to peer company
Prone to meltdowns which are horrendously violent

But things that don't fit make me think ASD must be ruled otu:

Recognises emotions such as happy, sad, angry so age appropriate (chooses not to care)
Very socialable (overly so)
Does respond to name and conversation initian on his terms
Can confidently do all 4 blank levels so obviously has good inference and perspective abilities (just chooses not to care)

Would I be unreasonable to be satisfied it's not ASD and therefore cancel the appointments?

DO NOT CANCEL.

I would not cancel, the appointments are like hens teeth. Dd1 took years to get a diagnosis (she was diagnosed at 16, referred at 11 by CAMHS - didn't fit what previously I considered to be signs of autism). Dd2 (almost 5) is in the system and has been for about 12 months now and we are no where near diagnosis stage. If your child is on the spectrum then trust me that diagnosis will mean getting the support or not. it shouldn't, a struggling child should be helped diagnosis or not, but funding means otherwise and trust me lack of funding and support can mean the difference between child succeeding or not (dd1 attended a grammar and left with not a single gcse due to lack of support due to lack of diagnosis).

PinkyU sorry I disagree. Most children in my LA have a diagnosis of ASD at age two or three. I think it depends on the borough.

It's not the label that scares me. It's that I think he won't receive an ASD diagnosis and then my 5 year old who bites me and laughs or is horrendously violent in a shop for no reason is doing it just because I haven't taught him right from wrong

Go to the appointments FFS Nothing in your post rules out autism. Your DS may really need the support that diagnosis hopefully brings some day. It's not about it being stressful for you. If he is autistic he may need support.

And I bet he doesn't enjoy hurting you

If he's not autistic then he won't be diagnosed

My DS is ASD and violently hurts me OP, please go because they won't help you find out any other causes unless they check to see if it is this.

They won't asses him for anything else if you cancel these appointments, best of luck

Would I be unreasonable to be satisfied it's not ASD and therefore cancel the appointments?

And which qualifications in developmental disorders do you possess which enable you to come to that conclusion?

YABVVU and incredibly short-sighted. You only have experience of ONE child (presumably). I work in a school and have got to know many ASD pupils quite well. They are all very different as others have said.

KEep the appointments. You are in the system, if they come to the conclusion it isn’t ASD they will refer to the appropriate help. Do not underestimate the trouble that the transfer to secondary from primary could bring. You NEED to be in the system now or you could be fighting for years to try and get him some help. He needs you to fight for him.

Go to the assessment. They might diagnose autism, they might not or they may see something else of interest.
A lot of children with autism are violent because they're under a lot of stress and don't know how to manage it and a lot of children with autism mask until they are in a safe place where they can show their stress.
If he gets a diagnosis then school need to put in place measures to reduce his stress so there's less to manage at home.

I don't see how you can ever be confident that your ds doesn't have autism until he is assessed by trained professionals and found categorically not to have it. If he does then he will be able to get the support he needs. If not then you can explore other avenues. The assessment may even point towards what his struggles actually are, if not autism.

I wouldn’t say any if the things you think rule out ASD actually do so, particularly since you say he does things on his terms and is overly sociable. Infact, they can actually be seen as markers for ASD.

I have 3 DC on the spectrum who are all completely different from each other. One was diagnosed at pre-school age, but the other two were much older. I was very surprised about one of them’s diagnosis. I would get your son assessed as it may make it easier for you to access support.

X post.

It's likely that he is experiencing sensory overload in the shops so it isn't for no reason.

@whyismysoullost
It wouldn't be at all possible to diagnose all autistic children by 2 or 3, since particularly in kids with hf autism it wouldn't always be distinguishable at that age from normal immaturity of a toddler.

I can understand what you mean. You could look at these behaviours and say 'might be asd' if you don't take him, whereas if he is assessed and you are right, then there is another issue, perhaps parenting, attachment, some kind of trauma or a mixture of all of these - and this will be very difficult for you. But, you know that you will both need help and it's your job to get that help for him. Please go.

OP I can see your concerns.
There are children who are misdiagnosed with ASD, there are also a lot of children/adults diagnosed with other conditions when they should have a ASD diagnosis.

Your DS’s traits cross over with other things such as ADHD, PDA, some people would say these conditions are on the autistic spectrum.

My eldest dd can be sociable and she knows emotions but can struggle to react to them (but she feels them and recognises them). She was diagnosed with Aspergers when she was 4, she’s now 13 and a lot less sociable but can hold her own in a social situation if she needs too. Her sister is more severely autistic and would be what people would call “a typical case” as she has almost all the ASD traits.

I wouldn’t be turning down any appointments or ruling out ASD.

If he's not autistic then you can see about sorting out the violence too but it will be a very different type of sorting out and you can't solve it without understanding the cause.

I think that you should press ahead.
In my experience there's often more than one issue at play and if some of his issues can be a result of ASD then it's good to know.

Some of your reasons that he's not got autism are inaccurate imo.

My ds was at primary school with a boy with autism. He was very popular and understood social rules like if someone hurts themselves ask if they are ok and alert an adult, used please and thank you etc He was different from the other boys in the sense that he liked quiet activities at play rather than football or playing tag but he was well liked and considered very kind. He knew the theory of human emotions brilliantly but sometimes had problems dealing with his own emotions.

My son has ASD.

At age 5 (he's 9 now) he presented very similarly to your son, but without the violent meltdowns (he doesn't have meltdowns at all) and he wasn't sociable at all with his peers (he is now and has a lovely little group of friends).

I'd recommend going for the assessment. My son was assessed and diagnosed at age 7-8 (yr 3 in school).

Sounds a bit like one of my DCs, right down to the traits held/ not held and violent temper. There are a whole host of other syndromes/disorders out there that are either on the ASD spectrum or are closely linked. Things like ODD, SCD etc. Hopefully if you keep the assessments, even if your DS is not ASD, they might diagnose something different that does make sense of his symptoms. I'd stick with the process, though I know it is gruelling.

This sounds almost exactly like my ASD child. In fact, if I saw this thread without the title, I'd think you were asking if we thought it was rather than if it wasn't.

I'm 58 and currently in the midst of all the medical humming and hawing re diagnosis. A diagnosis would help me enormously rather than go through life with so much difficulty than I regularly self-harm in desperation. I am very sociable on the surface, over-empathetic, and have post-graduate qualifications yet tick so many other boxes and traits. An early diagnosis might have prevented all the agony of never fitting in with school or work.

Please don't cancel your assessments.

My DD wasn't diagnosed until she was a young adult. Her "symptoms" as a child were explained away (basically ignored) and, whilst she is high functioning, it would have been good to have had a diagnosis much earlier - and enabled us to cope better, and be more understanding, of her behaviour.

Just to reiterate what other posters have said.. it's not a label, it's a diagnosis. If your child had a broken leg you wouldn't keep them away from a & e in case they were 'labelled' as having a broken leg. Why is ASD a 'label' and something to be ashamed of unlike any other medical condition?
Once you know what you are dealing with you can fight for the best support - it's not easy with a diagnosis and even harder without. And you can help your son understand why he feels different.
Sending all my best to you both. X

All the reasons you give to rule it out, do. It rule it out.

I would go for the assessments, a diagnosis is not given lightly

Please do not cancel the assessments; you've nothing to lose by going.

*dont rule it ou

You should go.

A diagnosis (if appropriate) will not change the way you care for your son or his life day to day. But it may well help him receive funding for any support he may need in school in the future.

My DS1 has ASD (Aspergers diagnosis), but is very high functioning. His diagnosis helped him to get support through high school & a scribe for some of his GCSEs.