AIBU to ask if you've ever got over a traumatic smear test?

[jenn890]

Just that, really.

I don't want to go into the detail, but I had my first smear maybe 10 or 15 years ago and it was a very traumatic experience.

Today my new doctor casually mentioned the fact I hadn't been for a recent smear and when she asked why I didn't want to have one, I just burst into tears. I couldn't control it - the thought of going through that experience again automatically triggers some very intense feelings.

I felt awful at sobbing in front of my doctor and making her feel bad for bringing it up and I did make sure I thanked her because I do of course know why she wanted to encourage me to go. But I just can't get over this association of smears with The Worst Thing Ever.

Has anyone else ever had what they consider to be a traumatic smear experience and managed to bring themselves to go back? How did you get to that place? I know most smears are supposed to be mildly unpleasant but fine, but that wasn't my experience and the logical part of my brain can't persuade the emotional part of my brain to woman up.

I have a friend right now battling cancer (different kind, but still cancer) so please don't tell me I'm being idiotic for avoiding a routine screening - I know getting a smear is where the smart money is at, but I can't control or describe what my response is. I'd love to hear from anyone who was me and has managed to get over themselves. Please.

Oh OP, it can be very upsetting, don't feel bad about feeling scared and upset - you're allowed to feel your feelings and don't have to diminish them for the convenience of other people.

I developed PTSD after a traumatic birth where a midwife hurt me to the extent my body completely shut down labour. I avoided having a smear for years because I couldn't bear the thought of being touched by a medical person.

When my GP eventually backed me into a corner I explained and she made sure I was booked in with a particular nurse. I was worried about it but tried to be calm, at the appt explained to the nurse why I was tense etc. She was really nice but I still freaked out and sobbed and howled like a wounded animal on the bed.

It wasn't as painful as I'd feared but it took an emotional toll that took a couple of weeks to clear. Afterwards the lovely nurse asked if she could hug me (and gave me a huge hug when i agreed) and she apologised for the fact someone in her profession had 'done this to me' - which looking back was really helpful in the long run.

Since then smears have been okay-ish - they're never going to be easy, but I always clearly say 'this is my history, I might react in X way, you absolutely need to stop immediately if I tell you to' and medical professionals have never been anything other than respectful and understanding.

Of course nobody can force you into having a smear, it's entirely your decision. But saying no from a place a fear is very different to making an informed, balanced choice from a place of strength - if you're so scared it seems impossible then it isn't really a choice at all. So it might be worth trying to work through it, when you feel strong enough and want to - PP have had lots of ideas and suggestions of approaches that might help. Best of luck with it all.

I had a terrible smear two years ago. Similar to a previous poster, I was asked if a trainee could be observed doing it, I agreed.
She basically caused a a tear and significant bleeding. I was called by the doctor the following day and asked not to make a formal complaint. I should've really.
I had to have one again a few months ago and I was physically shaking so a doctor agreed to come in and do it. He was so gentle and the nurse stayed with me the whole time.

I had a colposcopy and I think I have been scared every since as the pain was so so bad. Smears scare the life out of me.

OP I’ve been in the same situation, I had a horrible smear test with a really unpleasant nurse and the next time I went for one I had to leave the waiting room in tears before I was called in.

I had to take my mum back with me to go for the next one. However my last smear was with a lovely chatty nurse who totally distracted me during it and it was sooo much easier and more comfortable than ever before, so much so I wrote to the practice manager afterwards to tell them how great she was.

I really recommend taking someone with you for support.

Me. About same time as you and I never went back. I thought childbirth would be worse and I’d put my big girl pants and get over myself but no. I cringe and cross my leg just reading the words.

I agree with others in suggesting counselling; smears are important so you need to be able to still go for one.

I always found smears a bit of a chore, but no worse than that.

Now, a LLETZ biopsy only under local anaesthetic - that's a bit more of a challenge. But I'm bloody glad I did it. I actually now look forward to smears as I like to know the results, having had dodgy cells in the past.

Not a smear but I had a traumatic coil fitting with a gp. From the minute I got in there she was in a fowl mood because she had read the appointment wrong and thought it was just for the consultation rather than the fitting.
She made me feel like this was my fault and that I was an inconvenience even though I had waited 2 months for the appointment. She kept saying that she was in a rush and needed to get it done quickly.
She was really rough with me and it was extremely painful (the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, it was agony). She was rude to me and just told me to stay still. After a while I told her to stop because it was too much. She carried on anyway because she wanted to get the job done. I was eventually begging and shouting for her to stop and she didn’t. The nurse who was there was young and new and didn’t seem comfortable enough to step in and tell her to stop. Eventually the nurse told her that the patient told you to stop and she did finally stop. Honestly in my thought process I was about 10 seconds away from using my feet to push her away. It was awful, I felt so violated.
I do go for smears because I figure nothing could be as bad as that experience but it took me a while to be able to go again.

It was extremely painful and I told the gp to stop but she belittled me and carried on regardless

Oops forgot to delete the bottom text when I was writing if it seems like I'm repeating myself

I heard they’re close to inventing a non-invasive smear test? Can’t come soon enough.

@butterflyflower how awful! Did you complain?

I’ve only had one smear but I had such a lovely, chatty and caring nurse that it wasn’t at all traumatic.

It just shows how much of a difference the way you’re treated can make to you. Women should not leave these routine appointments violated, traumatised and terrified of ever repeating the process. It makes me so cross because it’s completely unnecessary and so damaging.

I started having internals at age 8 due to bad infections. I would argue that what doctors did to me was abusive and traumatising . Forced , even if I said please stop,
Laughed at , humiliated, degraded .

I’ve been told I have PTSD and ended up having big meetings with gynae consultants over it - in which they apologised eight times for systemic failure.

Went for a smear two weeks ago - as my period is irregular ,otherwise wouldn’t have done ... I was terrified . Nurses couldn’t do it they said and got a doctor in .

GP discovered I still have a hymen, and it’s unusually stubborn, and I have areas of problem tissue on vaginal wall that need treating either removed or steroids - it’s red raw inside. She was appalled that despite three separate surgeries down there no ones ever bothered to help me with it .

She’s told me since any examination I have she will be there or it will be in hospital, I will be sedated with Valium or anaesthetised . She’s also referring me for counselling .

I got out and sobbed. But the long and the short of it is they can help, you get some lovely people, and they can really help . It doesn’t have to be horrible at all . If you want an understanding ear DM me

I too suffered vaginismus - sensing the nurses horror that she couldn't the speculum out, I started nervously laughing with almost hysteria after telling her it was great for shoplifting can of soup.

What I'm about to say probably won't help. I don't have the answer to this problem.

I've kind of blocked out the details of one or possibly two difficult smear experiences a very long time ago. For years now I've been avoiding having a very overdue one.

I had a few rationalisations. I knew I should do it. I just couldn't bring myself to arrange it.

Unfortunately I needed an internal scan recently and was given a smear at the same appointment. It was an awful experience and I can't imagine how I'll ever voluntarily manage to arrange a smear again.

@paranoidmum2 no I didn't but I should have done! Surely having consent to treatment should be essential. I get that she was having a bad day but she shouldn't have taken it out on me in a vulnerable position. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

After my smear I was asked back for a second one - I had abnormal cells. Had a cone biopsy done in hospital to rectify it. I had no symptoms, had no idea there was something wrong. Thank God my GP mentioned having one and did it there and then. A smear could save your life.