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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Desperately in need of advice on how to keep my toddler in her car seat

45 replies

Scarylady · 19/12/2019 20:42

Name changed for this as I’ve spoken to a few people about it.

My dd will be 2 years old in 2 weeks and will not stay in her car seat. Firstly, she could get her arms out the straps no matter how we adjusted them so we bought a Houdini clip. She then learnt how to open that so kept getting her arms out again.

She then progressed to undoing the seat belt at the buckle. So we turned her to face forward and put the actual seat belt over her as well as the car seat belts. This worked for a couple of days.

I’ve been to mothercare to see what they sell and apparently they don’t sell anything as it’s illegal. Incase we’re ever in an accident and the fire brigade need to get her out in an emergency.

We’ve tried asking her calmly, telling her off, not making it a big deal, distraction, naughty spot, putting her straight to bed and nothing we can think of works.

I don’t really want to buy a new car seat but I can’t see I have any option but to buy one with a wedge over the lap.

So come on people in my phone, please throw any suggestions at me. I’m desperate!

OP posts:
londonrach · 19/12/2019 20:49

My dd was like this...i remember one time on motorway noticed she undone the straps so might have screamed at her and pulled off next junction. That was the last time she did it...i think my eyes showed fear....i also explained it was dangerous. Dd was just only two that last time

AllThatGlistensIs · 19/12/2019 20:55

Google crelling harnesses. Perfectly legal, you just need to ensure you keep an appropriate safety cutting tool in the glove compartment/ boot etc. You can buy these alongside the harness.

We use one for our older disabled child who’s a Houdini but they’re also good for toddlers.

foamrolling · 19/12/2019 20:58

Why don't you just buy the wedge one? I had them for my childminding kids. They were reasonably priced, had a decent safety record on which and the kids were comfy in them. You can also use them as a booster when they're older.

AnotherEmma · 19/12/2019 20:59

Have you tried this?
5pointplus.com/

Original poster
Scarylady · 19/12/2019 21:00

@londonrach I drive down the motorway a lot and dd has even joined me in the front of the car! it doesn’t matter how much we explain it to her, she just wont stop.

@AllThatGlistensIs Thanks I’ll check it out

OP posts:
MitziK · 19/12/2019 21:02

Avoid motorways and long journeys for the time being and the instant her hands go to the clip, stop. Then take a buggy/reins out of the boot and push it/make her walk home.

Every single time.

Two year olds can understand perfectly well that touching the seat belt/harness = we stop and miss the party.

I'd also be tempted to not use the car at all for a while. 'Yes, it would be nice to use the car, but we can't until you leave the harness/seat belt alone'.

MitziK · 19/12/2019 21:04

Oh, and if you absolutely have no choice about using the car - long, thick mittens underneath long sleeves. It's a whole lot harder to manipulate catches that way - and she'll probably be too busy trying to get the mittens off.

FairyOnTheTree · 19/12/2019 21:09

I had this problem. It is not fun. Tried everything.

In the end bribery was the only thing that worked for us. Bag of favourite sweets in the car- anyone who keeps their seatbelt on gets one on arrival (or every X minutes if it's too long a journey to motivate that long).

Serenschintte · 19/12/2019 21:17

I wouldn’t explain - she is 2 and won’t understand. Sadly the only way is to assert your authority and get very cross/stern and firm.
It sounds very difficult but she can understand what she should and should not do. Eg she understands ‘no’ I’m
guessing, so you needs to find a way to obey your
Alternatively you could practice driving with someone at in the back with her and when she starts to escape very firmly and strongly stop her verbally.
Also a reward for sitting nicely in the car. What does she like to listen too ? Music, stories. These are allowed until she starts to escape and then they go off.

Original poster
Scarylady · 19/12/2019 21:17

@AnotherEmma yep we have that thank you but I doesn’t stop her undoing the buckle

@foamrolling I will buy one but it just seems a waste of the almost £200 we spent on the current one

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/12/2019 21:19

Granted my niece was a bit older but my sister informed her the police would arrest her- she never did it again

NannyR · 19/12/2019 21:21

I've never tried it but I've heard that stick on velcro on the buckle (the hook bit not the soft bit) works as it feels really unpleasant to the child.

As a nanny I very rarely, if ever raise my voice to a child but if they mess about with their seatbelt or carseat straps, then I do shout, I stop the car as soon as is safely possible and they get a serious telling off. They don't tend to do it again, but that may be down to luck rather than anything I've done!motorway

I use an impact shield seat with the two year old I look after and find it very good, it seems fairly escape proof. Some people say that they are not as safe as a five point harness, but if your alternative is using a five point harness that a child can get out of whilst driving on a motorway, then I would say an impact shield that can keep them securely in their seat is miles safer.

Welshmaenad · 19/12/2019 21:23

Put her in the seat wearing an open cardigan, strap her in then button the cardigan over the straps/buckle. Fire brigade can rip off in seconds.

Failing that have you considered an impact cushion seat? We got one in the end for my son who was an escape a tryst. He's 9 now so not sure what is available these days.

Bluebelltulip · 19/12/2019 21:24

My DD was doing this 6 months ago when she was 2.5. I stopped the car at the next safe stop every time and did shout at her that it was very dangerous. We made sure someone was next to her as often as we could so could intervene. Also I stopped allowing her to undo any straps (pram, booster chair etc) to make the message as consistent as possible. Fingers crossed it's not happened for a few months now.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 19/12/2019 21:26

Oh they can be so bloody minded when they want to can’t they?!

I think I’d try distraction more than anything. My DNephew used to do this so we played a (mind numbing) playlist in the car of action songs, Incy Wincy Spider and Wheels on the Bus etc. Plus lots of bribery with snacks. Kept his hands busy basically with lots of positive reinforcement ‘Ooh look how nicely you’re sitting. Isn’t it fun when we don’t have to pull over all the time?’. Oh we had a star chart for good car behaviour too.

It’ll take some work and if I never hear Wind the bastard Bobbin Up again it’ll be too soon but we got there in the end.

Original poster
Scarylady · 19/12/2019 21:27

Have no choice but to use the car and motorways unfortunately. Most journeys are to and from childcare/work. She hates being in her pram too, so whilst a safer option she’ll just climb out of that after 5minutes as well anyway as she just wants to walk.

Trust me we have been stern, so has DH. When DH is with us one of us will sit in the back and physically stop her from doing it and she hates it but we don’t give in.

She loves watching peppa pig so I give her my phone with it on to watch but after a short while she’ll just discard the phone and go back to the opening the seat belt

OP posts:
bobisbored · 19/12/2019 21:38

Cybex seat!
Velcro on the clip.
I once drove to the police station and asked a lovely officer to come and tell my DS that he mustn't undo his belt again! That worked!

Desperately in need of advice on how to keep my toddler in her car seat
lisag1969 · 19/12/2019 21:38

Put her car seat in the front and turn your airbag off she might just want be next to you.

lisag1969 · 19/12/2019 21:41

If that doesn't work. Maybe ask a police man to talk to her. X

Original poster
Scarylady · 19/12/2019 21:41

@Welshmaenad thanks for the link. That’s the type of car seat I meant, just didn’t know what they were called.

Ideally, I’d be able to buy an impact shield which can be attached to the current car seat we have. Don’t think any such thing exists

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarylady · 19/12/2019 21:44

I wouldn’t have thought Dd would understand the significance of a policeman telling her, but she is scared of her uncle who is a police man so maybe he can try

OP posts:
Brefugee · 19/12/2019 21:49

please don't make her scared of the police

user1471449040 · 19/12/2019 21:52

What about a toddler busy book with buckles of different types and sizes? Do you know what I mean, those sewed ones? Then it's 'hands are for your book, not your car seat'?

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 19/12/2019 21:58

I bought an impact cushion seat.

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