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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Desperately in need of advice on how to keep my toddler in her car seat

45 replies

Scarylady · 19/12/2019 20:42

Name changed for this as I’ve spoken to a few people about it.

My dd will be 2 years old in 2 weeks and will not stay in her car seat. Firstly, she could get her arms out the straps no matter how we adjusted them so we bought a Houdini clip. She then learnt how to open that so kept getting her arms out again.

She then progressed to undoing the seat belt at the buckle. So we turned her to face forward and put the actual seat belt over her as well as the car seat belts. This worked for a couple of days.

I’ve been to mothercare to see what they sell and apparently they don’t sell anything as it’s illegal. Incase we’re ever in an accident and the fire brigade need to get her out in an emergency.

We’ve tried asking her calmly, telling her off, not making it a big deal, distraction, naughty spot, putting her straight to bed and nothing we can think of works.

I don’t really want to buy a new car seat but I can’t see I have any option but to buy one with a wedge over the lap.

So come on people in my phone, please throw any suggestions at me. I’m desperate!

OP posts:

nobodyimportant · 19/12/2019 22:05

Bribery. Something she really wants. Wave it in front of her face. Tell her she can have it if she keeps the seatbelt on properly. If she starts escaping then wave it around again and remind her.

UnaOfStormhold · 19/12/2019 22:11

This is going to sound utterly weird but we printed off a copy of the Road Traffic Act and showed it to DS making a big fuss about "this is the law and this says you have to wear a seatbelt." When children are just starting to get the very first idea of what writing does (a piece of paper that tells people things!) it can seem very magical and powerful, and so having a special looking piece of writing waved at him had a real impact. Probably low chance of success but far cheaper than a new car seat and won't hurt - maybe you could get her uncle to show her!

Shreksearcandle · 19/12/2019 22:22

My younger sibling was told the car wouldn't go along if we all didn't have our seatbelts on properly. So maybe try to use a time where you don't have to be anywhere but hype up trips to the farm/ park/ McDonalds/ soft play/ fun relative. As soon as any fiddling takes place pull over, say the car won't go. Just sit there and say we can't go if you don't have your belt on properly, the car won't go. If you can't do it at a time when you have nowhere to be (long weekend etc) get as cross as you would if the car really wouldn't go. It was a shortish thing for us as far as I remember, ended up with just stopping, returning to seat, stopping, returning to seat and it all got a bit boring I think. Later on there was bribery- 'Would you like chocolate buttons when we go past the shop? Keep your belt on so the car goes along and we can get there' then another point and another en route.

Shreksearcandle · 19/12/2019 22:26

I also agree no-one should be encouraging a fear of the police. If a child got lost/ needed help they should be the good guys. Also in case you ever all needed help out and about or were in an accident or witnessed one of some sort it's way more frightening for a child who is terrified of the police.

iamNOTmagic · 19/12/2019 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonrach · 19/12/2019 22:37

@Scarylady that must be so scary to have your dd join you in the front seat. Honestly never been so frightened as seeing dd on motoway without her cat seat harness on. I think i was lucky she not repeated it since that day. Hope you find a solution to this x

bridgetreilly · 19/12/2019 23:21

Mittens. These are HARD for a toddler to get off and would make it much more difficult for her to undo any buckles: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07X53ZLBD?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

hagsrus0 · 19/12/2019 23:27

Duct tape?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/12/2019 07:03

I also agree no-one should be encouraging a fear of the police it’s not a fear of police it’s the fear of getting into trouble

bobisbored · 20/12/2019 17:36

Just to clarify, the police officer didn't frighten my child! It wasn't a scary experience for him at all! The officer was lovely with him and explained how important it was to stay in his seat with his belt on. I sometimes think people assume that nobody has any common sense on this site! 🙄

gokartdillydilly · 20/12/2019 18:30

Here is the only thing that will work. You plan an exciting 'treat', (make it something that won't impact anyone else) tell her you're going to do X treat, but only for big girls who can keep their seatbelts on. Reiterate by telling her if she undoes her seatbelt, you will go straight home. When you put your own belt on, tell her you're putting your seatbelt on too because it's safe. Give her stuff to keep her entertained and tell her she's being very good. The minute she undoes her seatbelt, you tell her calmly that because she has done so you're going home. No treat. No yelling (because that's quite 'exciting') just quietly say your disappointed that you're missing the treat too. Then go straight home. She will probably be very upset, but you just need to talk about it quietly with her afterwards. 'You undid your seatbelt which isn't safe, so no treat.' She is old enough to understand. You might only have to do this once, or maybe twice, but you absolutely must follow through with the no treat aspect. So make it something you really don't mind missing out on!! Good luck!

PicaK · 20/12/2019 18:42

The RAC website suggests singing to distract them.... I said very rude things when I read this.
Our solution turned out to be to borrow a really old, stiff, million times less safe car seat than the super one we had. And then she grew out of it thank goodness. But it was a rough harrowing few weeks til we got the new very old car seat

MyNewBearTotoro · 20/12/2019 18:47

I have a crelling harness for DS who has special needs and challenging behaviour and won’t leave a regular belt on. It is escape proof. The fire brigade carry seatbelt cutters and they’d use these in an emergency so the staff member in Halfords who said that harnesses are illegal is incorrect. They’re fairly common in the special needs community but they could be used by toddlers too.

GilbertMarkham · 20/12/2019 18:58

Car seat with bumper instead of harness. Cybex do one, kiddy do one etc

EerieSilence · 20/12/2019 19:02

DD used to be like that.
Then came my admittingly not the proudest moment. I saw her waving her arms at me victoriously at a busy road. I pulled to the side and screamed at her for about 20 minutes - mostly because I was scared out of my mind.
She was too young to understand it rationally but she understood my fear and anger and frustration.
She never did it again so while the path wasn't the best, the result was.

bonzo77 · 20/12/2019 19:07

Can you put her in a button up shirt and button it over the straps? Hopefully she won’t manage to undo the buttons.

Rainandclouds · 20/12/2019 19:16

Make a small slit in the bottom of a butter tub and thread the buckles through it so the tub is over the clips and it’s much harder for them the get their fingers around to get the clip.

Ibiza2015 · 20/12/2019 19:19

Houdini straps. A couple of quid on Amazon

Noodledoodledoo · 21/12/2019 00:12

My littlest did this, if we were on the way to a class he wanted to go to we turned round and went home. After I had 'lost' it with him.

I would pull in at the nearest layby sort the straps out whilst being really angry with him.

If we couldn't go home then he would just get shouted at very stongly and he really really hates being told off so would start crying.

Lasted only a few months - he was rear facing as well but big sister used to rat on him!

Noodledoodledoo · 21/12/2019 00:13

Also told him I would be in a lot of trouble with the police if they spotted him without straps on.

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