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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas gift opinion - WIBU?

35 replies

OopsHowDidThisHappen · 19/12/2019 13:14

For context, DH has some friends from his school days, we are all late 20s/early 30s. They have all more or less outgrown the friendship group and grown apart but nobody is ready to admit it yet. Fair enough.

The women in the group and some of their partners have been quite rude to me over the years (all regarding my appearance, my accent, my education,...) so I do not really engage with the group anymore.

In the early days, when I still made an effort, they constantly complained about wanting to lose weight and start exercising. Fair enough, so when they started to talk about how they didn't know how to start X or Y I offered some friendly and encouraging advice, and it was always met with some variation of "yeah but it is easy for you to say because of [insert made-up thing about me]". I eventually took the hint that they just wanted to commiserate and stopped offering advice.

Anyway, DH is busy right up to Christmas this year and I agreed to sort out his list of Christmas presents. Would I be unreasonable to give them vouchers for exercise classes "to help them get started"? Part of me thinks it would be a waste of money, part of me is a little vengeful, and a third, much smaller part, thinks maybe a pole dancing or salsa class will finally get them moving and to stop complaining.

IBU, aren't I?

OP posts:
Jupiters · 19/12/2019 13:16

Has your DP made a list of presents he wants you to buy? Surely he's not expecting you to think of gifts for his friends as well as buy them?

saoirse31 · 19/12/2019 13:16

Nasty thing to do, as I'm sure you know.

Bodear · 19/12/2019 13:18

A little vengeful? Hmm

sarahjconnor · 19/12/2019 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Drum2018 · 19/12/2019 13:21

Given they have all outgrown the friendship YABU to buy gifts for them at all. Such a waste of money!

hazell42 · 19/12/2019 13:24

Its incredibly nasty. It would make you appear spiteful and mean more than a bit smug. It could seriously upset someone else, why would you even think about it?
People talk all the time about things that want to do or want to want to do, but never get round to it.
You don't like them. Fair enough. It's not even your friendship group. By something bland and neutral or buy nothing.
And, maybe, buy yourself a guide book on how to be more tolerant

WeeDangerousSpike · 19/12/2019 13:24

Give them all a Costa voucher and commiserate that the drinks and cake are so fattening.

Seriously though. If you really must do the buying, tell DP you need a list. Don't waste your mental energy on people you don't like and who don't like you. Life's too short.

hazell42 · 19/12/2019 13:26

Also, unless you are a personal trainer, people are NEVER asking for advice about their weight. What they are asking for is reassurance and acceptance.
Big fail there.
Big BIG fail

OopsHowDidThisHappen · 19/12/2019 13:42

Ah, fair enough, guess they'll get gin.

And yeah, if someone says they want to do Y and just don't know where to start, I somewhat naively believe they want to do Y and suggest where to start if i know something about Y.

OP posts:
HopeItComesWithBatteries · 19/12/2019 13:51

Buy them a bottle of alcohol each, some tissue paper and gift bags. Be sure to include a bottle of something nice for you. Present your OH with the bill.

Job done.

HaileySherman · 19/12/2019 13:54

Lol, I think it's probably best to just fantasize about getting them the petty/insulting gifts they deserve, rather than actually doing it, if you want to preserve whatever relationship your husband has with this friend group. But if you don't care, and he doesn't care, go for it. It would be a way to address the way they've always treated you.

Ellisandra · 19/12/2019 13:55

No way in fuck would I be helping my husband out with presents for people who has been rude to me.

AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 14:00

No way they would get an alcohol or anything over a tenner from me if it was me. Actually I wouldn't be sorting their presents at all. Why are you doing it???

Minderbinder · 19/12/2019 14:07

Why would you worry what these negative ninnies get for Xmas?
Forget about them and enjoy your own.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2019 14:10

Yeah that's majorly bitchy. They are his friends. Even if you don't like them.

cosima1 · 19/12/2019 14:26

This just sounds ridiculous OP.

JaJoJe · 19/12/2019 14:42

I'm thinking of going the opposite way, I have a family member who constantly makes digs at me for dieting and exercising. Its great that shes confident and proud of being bigger but why does that give her the right to attack anyone whose different to her.

Recently she went on a full blown attack on me insulting everything. I'm too non confronting to not get her anything (it would be obvious as she would be the only one without) so now I think ill just get her cheap sickly sweet chocolates or candy to be petty instead of the beautiful personal jewellery I was originally planning to get her (+ being chocolates are way cheaper too).

Is it pretty to spend less on her? maybe
Is it passive aggresive to get her something unhealthy because she mocks me for being health conscious? possibly
But its still less rude than treating her the way she constantly treats me

halcyondays · 19/12/2019 14:48

Don’t bother buying them presents, if you’re not that friendly any more they’ll probably be relieved that somebody has decided to stop.

PureAlchemy · 19/12/2019 14:56

You know fine well that would be a mean thing to do.

Just get them something generic like booze or chocolates or Amazon vouchers.

Popc0rn · 19/12/2019 15:32

...if you genuinely have to ask if that would be an offensive present, then I can totally understand why they might have been rude to you in the past Xmas Biscuit.

Also, how busy is your husband that he can't spend 15 minutes ordering something online? Tell him to sort his own friends presents

spingly · 19/12/2019 18:55

Oh buying presents is such women's work isn't it, your DH is busy up until Christmas and so you are "helping"?

Tell him, shock horror to organise his time and buy presents in any other month of the year, no law says they have to be bought in December .....

As you you, words fail me.... have my first ever 🍪 but make sure the other women in the group don't have a bite, you'll recommend they don't surely, as another little "gift"!

You sound absolutely awful and the spirit of Christmas has bypassed you totally!

OopsHowDidThisHappen · 20/12/2019 18:47

To be fair, they were nasty to me first.

To all of those wondering why I agreed to get them a gift at all/spending more than 5sec about it: DH is usually quite good about doing his share, this year is the exception. I was originally going for the gin for them but looked into "experiences" for some other friends and, well, my good will has run out ages ago.

OP posts:
PureAlchemy · 21/12/2019 08:40

So they were nasty to you first? That still doesn’t make it right to get them some nasty vengeful present as a dig at them!

Just get them gin and have done with it.

Didiusfalco · 21/12/2019 08:47

Rise above the past unpleasantness and get them the easiest thing for you to source. For me that would be alcohol added on to my internet shop. Honestly, don’t give it any headspace.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 21/12/2019 08:52
Biscuit
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