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Things you wish you’d never read on Mumsnet

154 replies

Silverflake · 19/12/2019 12:21

I realised as I was driving to work this morning, that prior to reading someone’s comment on MN about how it irritated them, I had never noticed people having their fog lights on unnecessarily. Now it registers every time I see it and it’s really bloody annoying!

What do you wish you could un-read?

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 19/12/2019 20:32

One word. 'Sootikins'

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/12/2019 20:55

That you should apparently never use a hotel kettle as people put all kinds of weird shit in them
That I've always wanted to go to Center Parcs but if I ever do go now I'll be side eyeing everyone and wondering if they like a bit of bum Grin

FruitcakeOfHate · 19/12/2019 21:20

God, how many people fell for that stupid penis beaker bollocks.

WobblyLondoner · 19/12/2019 21:26

There was a post about anal bleaching that I can never unread. My days! Had no idea ...Shock

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 21:27

Oh, I thought penis beaker mildly amusing. Not wildly funny though. Not like "Then I snapped and farted" or "Screamed at Michelangelo." The Michelangelo one was hilarious. Exceptionally clever trolling there as so bizarre!

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 21:29

WobblyLondoner Anal bleaching. Why. Just why???

This wasn't a MN thing but I did see something in a magazine article once a few years back about how rich (and obviously batshit) people were paying sculptors to cast gold or bronze casts of their anuses (should it be anai???) I was like "why????"

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 21:33

Galvantula I once read a news report stating that something like 80 per cent of men do nto wash their hands after going to the lav. There were also reports about tests being done on bar snacks (peanuts, pork scratchings laid out in bowls) on pub counters and finding traces of urine in them. Am very glad most pubs now sell nuts and pork scratchings in bags!

WobblyLondoner · 19/12/2019 21:54

@furrymulesandPJs Sorry, feel I should not have shared the horror now Wink

HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples · 19/12/2019 22:05

Never used a hotel kettle in oblivious comfort since the thread about what people have previously perpetrated within their chamber’s. Xmas Shock

FilthyBiscuit · 20/12/2019 00:02

I can't remember the poster's name but she'd tried anal bleaching with toothpaste. Anyone else remember it? It was so funny with live updates.

DryToast · 20/12/2019 00:55

The one where OP awoke to find their wife dangling a spider OVER THEIR OPEN MOUTH. To this day it randomly pops in my head and makes me break out in a cold sweat.

furrymulesandPJs · 20/12/2019 00:58

DryToast EEEEEK!!! Shock

At least we only have to worry about spiders rubbing their willies over us as we sleep

Alexandra54 · 20/12/2019 01:23

I think this might be the forest story, for those asking about it?
There's another involving Savernake Forest and the Hungerford shooter, although not sure that's the one people are remembering...

Copied and pasted from another thread (got lost in a wormhole looking for it!)

I was pet sitting for my friend several years ago. She had moved into a sort of small holding right on the edge of a village in the SW, with a huge garden that backed onto trees. At the time she had a right menagerie - chickens, ducks, a couple of Shetlands, cats and four black retrievers, three fully grown and one a half grown puppy. Originally DH had been going to come with me as a little holiday but the dates she ended up having to go away for work clashed with a couple of his medical appointments so he stayed at home with our dog and I went to petsit alone.

It was about halfway through my stay, a couple of nights to go. Late evening, already dark when I heard a massive commotion from the chicken shed, banging and thumping. I assumed a fox or something had got in so went out to check. As I was halfway across the garden the noise stopped instantly as if it had been shut off; by the time I got to the shed all was calm and the chickens were all settled, mostly asleep. No sign of any intruder or disturbance at all, nothing to explain the noise or any indication that the chickens had made a noise. Bit freaky but I didn't (and still don't) know much about The Way of Chicken so I locked up again and left them to it.

As I went back in the house a small black shape ran past me out of the back door and I realised the puppy must have got out. It streaked across the garden and off towards the woods. Cue much cursing, then calling her name in vain. More cursing when she didn't come back. I grabbed a torch and put one of the other dogs on the lead, partly for protection, partly because I thought the pup was more likely to come back if I had one of her canine companions with me and partly because I didn't fancy my chances of finding my way back to the house on my own even though there were a couple of vague paths that I'd followed when walking the dogs throughout the week.

Off we trudged into the wood along one of these paths, me calling pup's name at intervals and trying not to imagine murderers and rapists behind every tree trunk. We got to a point where it felt like the trees were starting to thin out and I remember thinking that I didn't remember a clearing on this path and we must have gone wrong somewhere when the dog with me slowed right down and started to resist going forward. I tried to jolly her along - while my stomach suddenly dropped like a stone - and she started growling, a really low serious rumbling growl. By this time I was practically shitting myself. I tried shining the torch ahead but the beam just sort of bounced back off the darkness if that makes sense? I got the sense of something - or somethings - moving but just sinuous deeper black shapes against the blackness and always on the periphery of vision. (The hairs on my arms are standing up again just remembering how completely and utterly terrified I was. I have honestly never known a feeling like it.)

At this point the dog sank right down, still growling, hackles up and refused to budge. I muttered something like "Jesus, you have got to be kidding me" and this ugly gurgling inhuman sort of voice hissed, right up close as if someone was right next to me "don't say that name". At the same time there was a horrible snickering sort of laugh. I cant express how utterly petrified I was. I can't remember having any coherent thoughts apart from the word "evil". That's the only clear thing I can remember. Me and the dog were frozen to the spot with pure fear. Then a different voice, really commanding, said "GO. BACK." That sounded more in my head but echoey, where the others had sounded out in the air IYSWIM?

Wherever it came from it did the trick. Me & the dog turned and belted back through the woods. She basically towed me, I just clung onto her lead stumbling to keep up and sobbing with fear. I lost the torch somewhere on that wild run but there was no way I was stopping to find it. How I didn't run blindly into a tree I'll never know, she guided me I guess. I can remember thinking desperately that I mustn't let go of her lead or "they" would get me.

When we got back to the garden she suddenly stopped - I did fall over her this time, onto my hands and knees - turned around and started snarling, proper teeth bared, rabid-looking snarls, back at the trees and the darkness. I thought I heard the snickering again but the blood was pounding in my ears so hard I can't be sure. I scrambled up and ran to the back door and she followed me but backing and snarling all the way as if holding something at bay. Oh, and the chicken shed was banging and thumping again. I got the back door open, me and her belted in, I slammed home every bolt behind us. The other dogs left behind were staring at the door and growling too with their hackles up and when I saw all three of them, puppy included, acting like that I started to cry properly because I honestly thought I was trapped in some horror film nightmare and was going to die. I don't know - I still don't know - what the black shape was that ran past me out of the house and triggered all of this because the puppy was right there in the kitchen.

Anyway I made sure every door and window was locked and bolted, I turned on every light in the house, I wandered round mumbling all sorts of weird half-religious half-spiritual shit to ward off evil spirits. Gradually the dogs settled down and stopped growling, and eventually stopped glancing at the door. Funnily enough I didn't sleep for one second that night and I rang my DH and begged him to come over the last couple of days. I know I didn't dream it because I was covered in scratches from running through the woods and had grazed hands from where I fell over the dog in the garden.

Nothing like that has happened before or since and I hope it never, ever does. It was the single most horrible, terrifying experience of my entire life.

furrymulesandPJs · 20/12/2019 01:29

Alexandra54

That is terrifying.

AmurderIsAnnounced · 20/12/2019 01:35

Blue waffle, Dragon butter, sootkins to name a few 😱

furrymulesandPJs · 20/12/2019 01:38

I knew the sootikin thing was fake news.urban legend as soon as I read it (of course women washed back then! a mouse shape? really!) but sure made me feel I wanted to gag.

furrymulesandPJs · 20/12/2019 01:39

I remember when as a teenager I first found out about 69ing. I was like "bleugghhhh!"

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 20/12/2019 03:49

'my toddler died today'
Was cuddling my toddler to sleep at the time and cried all over him.

That toilet brushes are unacceptable for some reason - now I feel judged by others Xmas Grin how do people clean their loo??

Other threads have amused me - penis beaker etc but I wouldn't say I regret reading them.

The recent one where a lady posted that her husband disagreed with water birth etc because it's not how things have been done in the past, and that the more pain she has, the more she will bond with the baby 😲Angry (so bloody what?? Antibiotics didn't exist in the past, would he willingly die of an infection??) Still angry on her behalf.

Any posts where the poster minimises any danger to her children.

elQuintoConyo · 20/12/2019 07:14

Another for FWR here, I've red-pilled several friends and my dad!

Celebritydave · 20/12/2019 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TryingToBeBold · 20/12/2019 08:21

@Celebritydave

I don't think anyone ever came back on that one :( OP got hounded and made to feel so bad

Celebritydave · 21/12/2019 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissTeacup · 22/12/2019 06:56

Argh - savernake forest!
I read this when we used to live in a village just outside of Marlborough and used to walk my dog on my own... funnily enough I never went walking in those woods again on my own!
Also used to regularly drive through a stretch of them at night on my own and not see any other cars.
Genuinely glad when we moved!

Notasyoungasiwas · 22/12/2019 07:13

Oh god - I just googled dragon butter 🤢

Notasyoungasiwas · 22/12/2019 07:15

Oh god - and sootikin 🤢