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To think my 'FREE' Psychic is getting annoyed with me?!!

70 replies

SuzieSunshine · 19/12/2019 11:10

This is lighthearted as I've read some really sad threads on here in the last couple of days so thought I'd post some light reading.
I made the mistake of clicking on a 'Free' Psychic reading and my mentor 'Chris' hasn't left me alone since. He's sent me about 12 e-mails getting slightly more hysterical in each one and they are making me laugh.

Do you think it's because I haven't sent him $69 to hear his words of wisdom and neither have I clicked on his life changing videos.
He's now reduced the price to $14.99 as his friend 'Sue' has told him that this is the reason I haven't replied to him.
I actually look forward the hearing from him now to see what else he has on offer.
I feel a bit sad that some vulnerable people will send him the money though and think that these type of many making schemes should come with some sort of a warning.
Anyway this is one of many I've been sent - waiting for today's to come through - Sorry it's very long!!

Suzie,
What on earth is happening? Why haven't you replied to my last email? Do you know that I am a very busy man and very sought after? Do you know that if I take the time to write to you, it is not to annoy you?
I am really surprised by your silence and hope that nothing terrible has happened to you. I think that you just haven't realized the chance you have, and that you have quite simply forgotten to answer me because perhaps, at the moment, you have too many concerns
May I say that I understand you and I have nothing against you. But I must absolutely speak to you and you must listen to what I have to say. Do you know why I insist on writing you although I have lots of other things to do? It is because unconsciously, you, Suzie called me in the middle of the night!
You don't remember, do you?
Even so, this is the truth. People who remember all of their dreams is very rare. But, I confirm that you did call me!
Thanks to my psychic power, I can receive these sorts of messages.
This is what we call a contact through a medium. You're probably surprised to hear this but, on the other hand, I'm used to this kind of contacts. Do you want to know how it happened?
Well, it happened yesterday, in the middle of the night. I was in a paradoxical phase of sleep when I heard someone crying: "Help me! Please help me, I cannot keep going any longer". I asked, "Who are you?"
At this moment I heard your name: Suzie. I woke up in this middle of the night with my heart beating wildly.
I said to myself that I must not leave you alone and that on the contrary, I must absolutely insist, in writing to you, that you need me more than ever!
So, please TAKE TWO MINUTES AND READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!
Suzie now, more than ever, your life can be changed!
Happiness, if this is what you want, can enter your life and stay there!
In my last mail, this is exactly what I was explaining to you. So, as you did not reply, I am going to take the time to explain everything to you once again!
I have drawn up a Revolutionary Method which enables people to be happy. My method is easy to use, quick and more important it is EFFICIENT!
I've called it the Revolutionary Method of Chris.
Thanks to this Method, I offer to bring Luck and Success into your life and this, in all fields of life: Money, Projects, Love, Family, Well-being.
How is it possible?
It is by removing, once for all, the negative energies that you have kept inside you over years. And then allowing yourself to absorb all the positive energies surrounding you.
I had to work very hard to develop this Method but I do not regret it. And do you know why?
Because 99% of the people who have tested it are already delighted! They have all seen positive events happening in their lives.
In this video, you will discover the stories of Linda, Max, and Sally. Each of them tried out this Method, and each has all experienced great changes in their everyday lives. They all agree that my Method has changed their lives.
Linda, for example, has accomplished a project which had fallen through 8 times before.
As for Max, he found true love and on top of that, he came in to a big sum of money at the races.
Sally, who had been unemployed for several years, found a job and tells me that she has also recovered the energy she had when she was 20!
I have lots of stories like these! And you know what I say? I hope that I will receive a testimony like that from you too in a short time!
You will discover in detail what is my Method and exactly what it can do for you.
Do not put things off till tomorrow yet again. The message you sent me in the middle of the night is a serious message sent by your subconscious.
I will speak to you soon about your life of happiness.
Your Friend,
Chris

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 19/12/2019 12:09

"so very happy in the garden centre". Forgot my autocorrect isn't psychic Hmm

ElfAndSafeKey · 19/12/2019 12:14

Dear Chris,

As you are a renowned psychic medium, I assume you already know that nothing terrible has happened to me; I am, as you will know, in rude health.
However, there seems to be a glitch in your message receiving centre. I have been sending you messages via my own angel guide, who in this plane was a Swiss goatherd called Hans, to leave me alone. It seems Hans may be still communicating in Swiss-dialect German, as you don't seem to have received this divine message from the other side.
Please stop emailing me and leave me alone,
Suzie.

ShartGoblin · 19/12/2019 12:15

I am really surprised by your silence and hope that nothing terrible has happened to you

I think I'd probably reply and pretend to be dead, emailing from beyond the grave Grin

Revolutionarymethodofchristmas · 19/12/2019 12:24

I find Chris very inspiring.

KatherineJaneway · 19/12/2019 12:27

This might make you laugh OP:

SuzieSunshine · 19/12/2019 12:29

Glad it's given you all a laugh - your replies have made LOL!! When I get a minute I'll cut and paste some more of his over enthusiastic promises from his other e-mails. The ‘pain and suffering’ this poor man is inflicting on himself 'just for me' is quite astounding!! Not heard from him today - I hope he's OK :)

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 19/12/2019 12:30

If you can call him over the ether while you are asleep why is he freaking out because you haven't emailed? Grin

M3lon · 19/12/2019 12:31

Yup - definitely send him a message saying you are dead following a freak accident involving a light switch and a can opener, and the only way you can still communicate is through email....

scoobydoo1971 · 19/12/2019 12:34

Dear Chris, I will be replying to your email via my angel guides. Kind Regards Suzie the telepath.

TheMustressMhor · 19/12/2019 12:37

As for Max, he found true love and on top of that, he came in to a big sum of money at the races

That'll be my DH.

He's always at the races.

lasttimeIplaythetartforUJerry · 19/12/2019 12:39

Bloody Hell! I hope Revolutionary, Methody, Chris doesn't charge by the word Grin

Thestrangestthing · 19/12/2019 12:47

Genuine, 100% genuine. OP if you just believe in Chris, he will change your life. The small fee of 14.99 is a small price to pay for a life time of happiness.

Her0utdoors · 19/12/2019 12:55

That's lovely, thanks OP.
I've been getting similar, except from an architect I asked to quote for an extension. He's very persistent and would like considerably more that £14.99.

tectonicplates · 19/12/2019 12:56

I have drawn up a Revolutionary Method which enables people to be happy.

Is this a quote from Karl Marx or something? If it was revolutionary method in lower case then it would've just been marketing speech. But Revolutionary Method sounds like some Communist political thing. How disgracefully capitalist of him for trying to make a profit out of you. Grin

DioneTheDiabolist · 19/12/2019 13:02

Does he do a Revolutionary Method of Christmas?

TitsInAbsentia · 19/12/2019 13:09

The power of Chris compels you!!

I too really want you to send this to Joe Lycett!

soupforbrains · 19/12/2019 13:10
Grin
easyandy101 · 19/12/2019 13:12

I like how he can speak to you in your dreams but can't tell if you've carked it or not

Fr0g · 19/12/2019 13:24

It's funny - but in a way incredibly sad that desperate people may get drawn into this and part with money.
Block him, or set your email to send to junk.

WhoisitnowRalph · 19/12/2019 13:27

That is awesome.

AlrightyyThen · 19/12/2019 13:29

“Hi Chris, sorry to inform you the person you are trying to reach passed away in the early hours. Regards”

See if he tries to say they’re contacting him and then he will be relaying messages from “dead you” to alive you 😂

Forward to Joe Lycett Grin

LittleLongDog · 19/12/2019 13:32

I've called it the Revolutionary Method of Chris.

I know the whole thing is so sad but this made me laugh. ^

Also, maybe by wasting time chasing you he’ll have less time to hurt anyone vulnerable.

Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2019 13:39

Oh that did make me giggle.
Would be so tempted to respond: 'Chris, you are so right, I did mentally call out for help last night. I was sitting on the toilet at my sisters house after too many crimbo dinners and in excruciating agony. Then, just when I though the horror if the evening was all over i realised there was no paper! Oh Chris, Chris, help me I cried! But alas, you couldn't know what my issue was! Do nor fear however: The crisis is over. However, I do need your advice on something. You see, I had drank rather a little too many shandies that night and had stumbled to the bathroom rather off my tits. And well, it turns out that it wasn't exactly the bathroom. I've shat in the massage chair my sister was going to give her hubby for Christmas. And the face cloth I used to wipe my arse with, was my sisters guestroom curtains. Will she ever forgive me? Please Chris, only you can save me now'.

ChristmasCroissant · 19/12/2019 13:40

I'm guessing that the Revolutinary Method of Chris is not so revolutionary that it doesn't require payment in some way Xmas Grin

I may copyright the Revolutionary Method of Croissant. To whet your appetite, it involves eating a carbohydrate-based item. As for fund-raising, I'm going to get people to click a button on FB and instead of sending kibble to animals abroad money will go directly into my account.

Sign up now. Your empty bread bin has contacted me and is sad, and that's no way to start a new decade.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 19/12/2019 13:49

The man you want is James Veitch....