Love bombing or genuine?

[Isthisridix]

I could really benefit from some external perspective.

I met someone three months ago and it has been a bit of a whirlwind romance.

We met through friends that have known him a very long time, socially and professionally and they really like him.

He’s a professional and has maintained jobs long-term.

He had hobbies and lots of friends.

Good relationships with family.

He’s lovely and kind.

But, he’s extremely clingy and needy. Constantly telling me that he loves me (told me after a few weeks), he talks about me being there one’ and how he’d never met anyone that he feels like this about before.

I think he’s fab, feelings are definitely there, but I can’t help feeling a bit overwhelmed and worried that this has all developed so quickly.

One of his long-term friends did tell my friend, that he’s never seen my boyfriend like this with anyone else, so, I guess it is possibly genuine.

Any thoughts on this. I’m being really guarded to protect myself as worried it’s a love bombing type scenario.

AIBU to think this could be genuine?

100% genuine

No doubt about it

It could be genuine and particularly if your friends are telling you he hasn't been like this with others.

On the other hand it doesn't necessarily mean its a good thing. "Clingy" and "needy" are not good characteristics, even if they are genuine.

Enjoy and see how it goes, don't rule him out of hand, but approach with caution and don't take anything he says at face value, would be my rule.

Seems genuinely to like you, friends don’t say that for the sake of it. Go for it. Doesn’t matter if you’re feelings are a bit slower, go with the flow & enjoy it.

In my only experience with love bombing the whole relationship was over within 3 months, so if you're still going strong it's probably genuine.

Thank you so much for the responses. I like him very much but I don’t want to get hurt, so I’m stoping myself from enjoying it and categorising him as ‘needy’

Just take things slowly and keep things into perspective

I didn’t even consider this stuff as a “relationship” until after 6m, then it moves to another level in my head and then a year and then it’s solid.

Don’t let your head be run away with, enjoy the relationship for what it is at face value, be yourself, be honest, the rest will take care of itself

I can’t help feeling a bit overwhelmed and worried that this has all developed so quickly.

Listen to your instincts. The point of love bombing and rushed relationships is to prevent you from doing that until you're in too deep to easily extricate yourself.

If it's the real deal and he genuinely cares for and respects you he'll have no issue with slowing down and being less clingy etc. If he guilt trips you etc then that's its own answer.

Suffocating someone isn't love.

Isthisridix well hopefully all will be well. Based on what you've said, he does sound genuine.

I wouldn't ignore your instincts, though. Neediness is an incredibly unattractive characteristic in anyone (frankly this alone would put me right off someone). If you feel he's moving faster than you and you're not comfortable with it, don't suppress this in yourself just because you think its for real.

If it's genuine then he'll be fine with you holding back a little, and asking him to cool it down for a bit. You can just be straight with him - you're not ready to live in each others' pockets. You can tell him it's too important to rush.

If he respects your boundaries and doesn't try to change your mind he's a keeper.

I hope he's a keeper

In my only experience with love bombing the whole relationship was over within 3 months, so if you're still going strong it's probably genuine.

Fair enough, but in the majority of cases it's the prelude to long term abuse.

Being a professional who's well regarded doesn't mean he's not capable of being manipulative and controlling behind closed doors.

So I had a love bombing experience that was 2 years of getting to know each other and falling in love, followed by a few months of a very traumatic relationship as the person above said.

I also definitely believe though that some emotionally abusive men can manage it for longer so that they’re able to manipulate and control during a relationship, and this is what’s worrying me.

I feel like there are so many manipulative people out there, it’s hard not to question the validity of everyone and potentially miss someone that might be wonderful.

Gosh, when did life get so complicated

Be careful that his clingyness and neediness, don't turn into jealousy and controlling.

It's still early days yet. Make sure you keep up seeing other friends, and don't let him rush you into anything.

Enjoy it for what it is, but don't ignore your gut if you feel uncomfortable at any time. Don't allow other people's views of him, to persuade you he's ok. Lots of abusers show a completely different side to other people, kind, charming, generous, etc, so that if you complain about them, others will minimise it, or not believe you.

I hope he is genuine though.

I'd trust it... and enjoy....

Sounds genuine, but be on guard. If he gets too suffocating tell him to back off in a kind way.

Sounds genuine and lovely OP. Take what he gives.

But, he’s extremely clingy and needy

This is not good but then you seem to describe someone who is affectionate and expressive in his feelings which is fine.

Clingy would be needing you to respond or having to see you.
Needy would be asking you to reciprocate with his expressions.

However at 3 months you don't know him and I would listen to your gut instinct. Does something feel "off"?

If not just continue being who you are. Don't make any significant compromises and see how he reacts when you say No. Good advice is to say "No", early and often.
Any sign of emotional manipulation should have you seeing red flags.

*We met through friends that have known him a very long time, socially and professionally and they really like him.

He’s a professional and has maintained jobs long-term.

He had hobbies and lots of friends.

Good relationships with family.

He’s lovely and kind.

But, he’s extremely clingy and needy. Constantly telling me that he loves me (told me after a few weeks), he talks about me being there one’ and how he’d never met anyone that he feels like this about before.*

I'm in a new relationship of a few months and my chap sounds very much like yours with regards to all of the positive points (we also met though friends who have known him a long time). He's not clingy, though, but we are open with how we feel with each other. He is very self aware would scale back if I asked him to - I don't want him to and I'm enjoying every moment with him, but we are also keen not to get ahead of ourselves as we want things to be right. He often says he has waited all his adult life for someone like me and likewise I feel the same after 3 previous disastrous relationships.

However, only you can go with your gut instinct and only you have got to know this man. It really does depend on your frame of mind too. I've been in vulnerable phases of my life when I got into previous relationships, but this time around I was very much single and enjoying my life, I didn't need a relationship to define who I was and I've learned a lot over the years about myself to be confident enough to step away if I feel things aren't right at all.

I do hope he is genuine in your case, OP, and chances are that he is .

Just replying to a previous poster, for me, nothing feels off at the moment and there are no significant red flags, other than the speed that things are progressing and him not playing games and consistently telling me how he feels. I just wonder whether I’d be able to spot whether it’s genuine this early on. Three months is no time at all in the grand scheme of things, I know

Oh PinkMonkeyBird thank you for your response. Mine has also said the same about finally finding me. Hopefully we have both found the real deal

Fair enough, but in the majority of cases it's the prelude to long term abuse.

Is it? Or do we call it love bombing in hindsight once it's led to abuse?

I think there's always an element of "love bombing" at the start of certain relationships. When the relationship goes well you look back on it fondly as the "honeymoon" period, when it goes bad you call it "love bombing". Really only time I will tell.

Well. I’m relatively inexperienced with this stuff, but when I started going out with my husband we were both talking about our future together very quickly.

We both made plans, were included in the other’s lives and families very fast BUT there was no pressure and at no time did I feel I had to censor myself.

So there is no reason to think that he’s definitely an abuser in waiting, just don’t rush or behave contrary to your values.

I would just say with my DH, we’d been friends for a while first so it was a bit easier.

You always have to trust your instincts. Clingy/needy is a very unattractive trait for me in a partner because I would be wary of it turning into controlling.

That said, apart from the clingy stuff, your post sounds exactly like the beginning of my relationship with my now-DH who I've been with for 14 years. Sometimes you just know!

You’ll know a lot more about him after you weather a true crisis together.

I think just enjoy it but keep an eye that it doesn't slide into possessiveness. If that starts you put a v quick halt to it OP.