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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas plan disagreements

39 replies

christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 09:50

This year has been hard. So as not to drip feed, Ive been unwell and exhausted and far, far too busy. Dc also unwell and I don’t particularly think we can cope with another round of viruses etc that we would undoubtedly catch if visit lots of family.

Dh works and works long hours right up to Xmas eve and only has 3 days off so time is precious

I haven’t wrapped anything yet and need to tidy the house.
I wanted to (and we had discussed this) have a quiet Xmas just us and kids .....
he’s now said he needs to visit some family Xmas eve or they have to come here. It’s my only day to wrap and tidy
I would in previous years have said fine take dc as well BUT they have all been unwell and I’m actually anxious as everyone we know seems to have awful colds and I really don’t want the baby catching anything else so I suggested can we just drop gifts off this weekend quickly one evening when he’s back or he could go alone to see anyone he wants to ?
Apparently that isn’t convenient for others but tbh we are the ones with full time jobs and young dc ? So I said leave it then why do we always have to fit in around everyone else.

It’s me that has to be up and have sleepless nights when dc are ill and it’s me that needs to wrap stuff when I try to explain how much I need to get done I don’t think it’s registering how much prep goes into Xmas and tbf he does work incredibly hard and I don’t mind doing it as his hours much more than mine. I just want to stick to what we agreed and not end up changing it now as I can’t magic up more hours in the day !

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 09:51

Oh and I’ve said yes to voting so not sure how to do that ?! I didn’t mean to

YANBU-stick to original plans
YABU-visit family etc as dh wants

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 19/12/2019 09:54

I think yab(slightly) u

Expecting 3 days of just your family at the expense of seeing anyone else is a big request. Especially as dp clearly has family nearby.

How much prep is really needed? Wrap some presents when the kids are in bed and cook a roast on the day.

As for the illness thing, you sound anxious. A cold isn't the end of the world.

Drum2018 · 19/12/2019 09:56

If there are gifts to be bought or wrapped for Dh's family let him sort that out. I'm sure he's capable of wrapping stuff and it's not for you to be stressing about. Just sort your own side out. If he insists on going Christmas Eve let him piss off by himself. If you don't have visitors coming to your house then you don't need need to go all out tidying the house.

Alsohuman · 19/12/2019 09:56

Are you the only person who can wrap presents? Your husband’s got hands, hasn’t he?

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 09:57

I am anxious about illness since beg of November we’ve had c pox, sickness bugs and really bad viruses temp sore throats etc and baby had croup

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 09:59

It’s not just the wrapping of those gifts I need to do dc too it’s more he wants to spend a whole morning at one persons house then afternoon at another’s and we had spiked for our Xmas eve plans it was meant to be going out for breakfast with dc then in the aft they were going to watch a film at home while I tidied and wrapped.
I said to him well when will we get these things done and all I get told is ‘it’ll get done’ no explanation when or how because he’s at work so much right up till late on 23 Dec

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2019 09:59

If he wants to have guests or go out which takes from time you’d planned then he needs to do more of the prep. Most people work so his hours don’t excuse him from wrapping presents (you’ve already chosen and purchased!) in front of the tv once the kids are in bed, or tackling some of the tidying.

Can you break down what you have to get done into chunks and work through them or ask him which he’ll be taking? Tidying can seem like a massive task so if you get the DC involved in sorting their stuff, clean the bathroom as soon as they’re in bed one evening etc it might seem more doable.

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:01

I thought an evening this weekend would be better but he’s saying it’s not convenient for others so we need to change our plans

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:02

Tbh if this had been our plan in the beginning and dc hadn’t been so Ill lately then it might have been ok but he’s changed it now and I’m all honesty I just want the house illness free this week I’ve barely slept

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/12/2019 10:03

You've had a rough run, but I think YABU... it's fine to have Christmas Day at home just you lot; whether or not you've had a hard year, but it's a lot to ask to spend three days in and not let DH or the kids see family.

Surely you don't need a whole day to wrap and tidy? Especially if DH helps? Get that stuff done in the morning so it's not waiting for you, wrap the kids up warm and do the rounds. Are you already eating lots of foods with vitamin C, using hand wipes etc to boost the immune systems?

If you really don't feel up to it; get DH to help wrap and tidy and then send DH with kids as normal, and get a bit of a break. You sound like you need one.

Enjoy Christmas Day and I hope you have a better 2020 Thanks

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:05

Yes I do think the illness aspect has clouded how I’m seeing things it’s been relentless and hard, hard work just one thing after another. Just one thing too many or three things too many

Maybe I should suggest we get up earlier xmas eve as a compromise and have the morning or afternoon ‘each’ so I can wrap etc while he tidies am and maybe in the aft visit relatives

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/12/2019 10:11

So when he says it'll get done, he means you will have to find the time to do it.....

araiwa · 19/12/2019 10:26

Why are you so determined to wrap and clean on xmas eve?

Do it this evening/ weekend

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:28

Because that’s the day Dh is off and I need him to look after the dc/baby!

OP posts:
meredithgrey1 · 19/12/2019 10:31

So when he says it'll get done, he means you will have to find the time to do it.....

That was my thought as well.

I think I'd send him off with the kids on Christmas Eve and relax in the morning then do the wrapping myself in front of the tv with a glass of wine in the afternoon.

richteasandcheese · 19/12/2019 10:36

To be honest, unless you put them in a sterilised chamber, visiting family isn't going to put the kids at risk of any more germs than normal. It's shit but it's winter and this is what happens - see the family, get your OH to step up and take some responsibility for stuff and try and make sure you have a wine in your hand when you can!!

Scotmummy1216 · 19/12/2019 10:37

Its your Christmas do what you want. Don't feel like you need to please other people.

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:39

I just can’t actually cope if it’s this week I need to get some sleep at least for a few days it’s been back to back illness for weeks
I know kids catch stuff I just want a little recovery time in between

OP posts:
Ragwort · 19/12/2019 10:40

Why isn’t it convenient for others if he goes on his own? Confused.

I would send him off on his own, or maybe with one/both of the children. Don’t spend hours tidying the house, surely if you both do a little each day it will be done by Christmas Eve, unless you live in Buckingham Palace.

Don’t be a martyr about getting everything ‘organised’.

Fcukthisshit · 19/12/2019 10:42

Long hours or not, get him to help you wrap when he gets home - it’ll be done in no time with 2 of you. Then go along with his Christmas Eve plans of it makes him happy. You could pick up a cold / illness from the supermarket / pub / public transport so it’s a bit OTT to not want to see any family over Christmas just in case.

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:45

Because ‘they are busy’ these are adults with no or teenage dc .....yet they can’t change their plans at all we have to change ours apparently 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 10:53

I think I need to compromise and maybe stop stressing about illness it’s just hard as it exhausted. I didn’t catch any of it but I had to look after everyone and take them to drs /hospital etc and I think it’s sleep deprivation so I’m anxious about the cycle starting up again

I’ll suggest we do half the day wrapping etc half the day see whoever Dh wants to

OP posts:
AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 11:06

How many presents are you wrapping😮 That can be easily done any evening. Unless you are wrapping a mountain you can have it done in under an hour. Even less if you both do it together after DC went to bed

Original poster
christmasIssues · 19/12/2019 11:09

I think the tidying will be more time consuming but wrapping will take a while the dc have quite a few bits each it’s mostly the stocking things lots of little bits really
Plus all the things for family etc

Evenings one of us has to hold the baby or he just screams it’s a tricky time

OP posts:
merryhouse · 19/12/2019 11:23

Can you put the baby in a sling while you wrap?

Can you leave stocking presents unwrapped? (sorry, I know this is a Brexit-level division on Mumsnet...)

Can you take the children to breakfast on Christmas Eve, then leave him to do visiting while the rest of you collapse at home?

Can you have the house not particularly tidy on Christmas Day? I mean, you're obviously living in it the way it is at the moment: why won't that do for next Wednesday?

Can you suggest that relatives descend on you for tea on Christmas Eve, with the proviso that the house will be a bit messy and it will only be for an hour or so because the children haven't been well?