Christmas plan disagreements

[christmasIssues]

This year has been hard. So as not to drip feed, Ive been unwell and exhausted and far, far too busy. Dc also unwell and I don’t particularly think we can cope with another round of viruses etc that we would undoubtedly catch if visit lots of family.

Dh works and works long hours right up to Xmas eve and only has 3 days off so time is precious

I haven’t wrapped anything yet and need to tidy the house.
I wanted to (and we had discussed this) have a quiet Xmas just us and kids .....
he’s now said he needs to visit some family Xmas eve or they have to come here. It’s my only day to wrap and tidy
I would in previous years have said fine take dc as well BUT they have all been unwell and I’m actually anxious as everyone we know seems to have awful colds and I really don’t want the baby catching anything else so I suggested can we just drop gifts off this weekend quickly one evening when he’s back or he could go alone to see anyone he wants to ?
Apparently that isn’t convenient for others but tbh we are the ones with full time jobs and young dc ? So I said leave it then why do we always have to fit in around everyone else.

It’s me that has to be up and have sleepless nights when dc are ill and it’s me that needs to wrap stuff when I try to explain how much I need to get done I don’t think it’s registering how much prep goes into Xmas and tbf he does work incredibly hard and I don’t mind doing it as his hours much more than mine. I just want to stick to what we agreed and not end up changing it now as I can’t magic up more hours in the day !

YANBU. I don't arrange to see anyone Xmas Eve. There's always too much to do. And definitely too late to suddenly lose a day. And I agree with the illness thing too. It's ok for your DH suddenly deciding you need to see people as he isn't doing any of the prep.

What are you wrapping for Dc? If it's santa stuff then don't wrap it. There's no need to wrap santa presents. If it's for other people why wait until Xmas eve? Surely you and Dh will get time between now and then to do it.

If you were planning on soendung the afternoon tidying and wrapping let him take the dc out with him and you crack on with it.

We had that last year, endless run of bugs, between 2 kids we had two sickness bugs, 3 stomach bugs, 2 UTIs, hand foot and mouth and a visit to a and e for concussion (of which the CT scan also showed an ear issue which we had to have follow up appointments for). Fortunately I was on maternity leave otherwise I'd have had to have lots of time off, but it just felt like one thing after another and although nothing was very serious, the relentnessess of it was very stressful.

Here's what I'd do -
Have another chat with my husband and try and press just how stressed it's all making you. Acknowledge that he works long hours and you are thankful for this but it does mean that you work harder than him at home and this work increases 10fold at christmas and with the kids being ill you are behind, and really can't see how you will get everyone done on your to do list if you do any visiting. What practical suggestions does he have to help you? It will get done isn't very specific.

I'd look at the list of jobs and see what I could bin off or reduce. This is against my nature as I try and do things in a stupid amount of detail but sometimes its needed for your own sanity. For instance, bin the wrapping for most presents and buy gift bags instead. Or if any of your friends have teenage children, pay them to wrap them. If you are prepping a Christmas meal, see what you can buy that you normally make. If you have a cleaner ask them to come in and do a deep clean. If you don't, ask your friends that have cleaners for their number. Surely your husband can help with tidying, even people who do long hours have to do a bit of housework.

With visiting, my plan would be to go out. Is there a park with a cafe near you or anything? And invite both the families youd be visiting. See everyone at once, the kids will be occupied, and much less likely to catch any bugs in the fresh air. You might feel a bit less stressed if you can have a walk or something in the fresh air as well.

Otherwise get your husband to explain your kids are really run down and double check no bugs before going round, and visit both in the same morning if possible (go out for breakfast with one, pop round to the others for an hour) and time limit your visits, surely they will understand everyone is very busy this time of year.

Why the hell cant he wrap or clean anything?

Ok, he takes the kids out Xmas Eve morning so you can tidy and do some wrapping. Brings them back in the afternoon then he goes and drops presents off by himself. Any remaining wrapping you both do in the evening after kids are in bed.

'It'll get done' should be answered with 'Not by me doing it all myself it won't'.

My household are actually quarantining ourselves from now till Christmas because we've had hand foot and mouth, cpox, vomiting and 2 colds since October and I've had enough.

he’s now said he needs to visit some family Xmas eve or they have to come here

Well, he goes to visit them then. You stay home and wrap/tidy/chill.

Let your partner take the children to visit family on Christmas Eve - you have a duvet day & catch up with your sleep, wrap presents if you feel up to it.

Send DH and kids for present swop on Christmas eve, you stay home and tidy / wrap. Everyone's happy(ish).

OP didn't want the kids to go because family have been ill and may pass on bugs. Make him deliver presents himself and then help you wrap before and/or after.

You sound like you are making a rod for your own back. Stocking presents don't need wrapping, the stocking IS the wrapping. Presents for babies also don't need wrapping.
H can take the kids and leave you to rest/clean/wrap, or you can all go, in which case he then needs to get stuck in to the cleaning and wrapping.

It's shocking how many men are putting their wives' needs last over the Christmas period.