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AIBU?

To feel like I’m going crazy

31 replies

GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 07:06

Bit of background- sold our 4 bed semi and bought a 4 bed detached that needed some work doing. Lived with in laws whilst it was being done. New house has always been my dream home, it just felt right. It took a few weeks for the work to be done and we stayed in it for the first night a month or so ago. We hadn’t unpacked and I struggled with negative feelings and anxiety when staying there and so we moved back in with the in laws until I was ‘ready’ for another few weeks and I started 50mg of sertraline and counselling. My husband also got made redundant in this time. Thought I was ‘ready’ and we moved in 2 nights ago.

Since then I’ve been struggling. We have a 2 year old DS who seems to love the house but I can’t warm to it and keep having really negative feelings. After our first night here I started with my old feelings of anxiety which I hadn’t had for a couple of weeks and got a fever last night, spent the whole night freezing and sweating. Now I can’t help but think it’s a bad house and it’s making me unwell and the thoughts are spiralling. I don’t know what to do, I know logically that’s not the case and I’m unwell because I’m unwell and been worrying etc but I can’t help but associate it to the house and it’s spiralling my negative feelings. I can’t stop crying. Has anyone else has this? Does it get better? What can I do?

Please help, I feel like I’m going crazy.

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Beagled · 19/12/2019 07:10

If you’re prone to anxiety then a house move is exactly the type of trigger. I felt anxious for weeks after we bought ours and it’s a house I’d been listing after for over a year. I’m not sure staying away will help you to be honest. You need to be in the house for it to feel familiar.

As you know with anxiety it will pass, you just need to find a way to ride this one out.

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 07:12

Thank you beagled I’d never had anxiety before, it all seems to have started in the last couple of months. I just can’t shake the ‘bad house’ feelings although like you, I lusted after it for a year. I don’t feel like this will ever get better.

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MidnightCircus · 19/12/2019 07:21

I've not had the same experience (I could just about afford to buy a dog kennel, let alone a house!), so can't relate there. I have had suicidal depression though, and I can fully sympathise as to how bleak it makes you feel. All I can say is with the right help, and time, it will get better. What helped me is telling myself it's just thoughts in my head playing tricks, not reality. Its bloody tough, and an unpleasant way to be Flowers I really hope you can get the help you need.
I found going for walks and exercise helped a lot. Is there anything you enjoy? Yoga was my thing, it gave me the chance to "switch off" the thoughts for a while. Is there anything like that where you are? If not, try YouTube. There's some good ones on there if you want to try

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loutypips · 19/12/2019 07:21

Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do.
I can't understand the people that do it regularly! I hate it!
Your husband being made redundant has probably not helped with the anxiety, that's another horrible thing.
It's natural that your feeling like that. It's not yet 'home' but you probably need more time to settle in and make it yours. The feeling will pass, it will take a while, but you will settle in and it feel better.

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Redcherries · 19/12/2019 07:28

Are you unpacked properly yet? Being half packed could add to the unsettled feeling ( not trying to add pressure but it’s a thought.). I feel it could really help once you have all of your familiar things around you how you want them.

Could you make an area where you have things that comfort you? I have anxiety at the moment and it’s affecting my sleep, I’ve put a little set of warm white fairy lights, some lavender hand cream and water glass on my bedside table. I’m finding if I do wake up and can’t go back off I feel less anxious this way. A place to retreat and calm.

All things pass and this will too, I hope quickly for you.

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lovemyfurrywuff · 19/12/2019 07:34

I had this with my dream home. Had admired it for years and when it came up for sale I was determined to get it. Had a weird feeling at the viewing but ignored it. Had even weirder stuff happen when I was decorating it before we moved in. When we finally moved in it was awful. I just felt uncomfortable, like I was being watched. I thought maybe totally gutting the place and redecorating top to bottom would help -no. Dogs didn't like it and would bark though the night(something they had never fine before).
I contacted the previous owner who I knew and she confirmed she was glad to have left and always felt like the house didn't like her....

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CardsforKittens · 19/12/2019 07:36

I was struggling with depression last time I moved house and I remember feeling terrified by all the unfamiliar noises in the new house, especially at night. It’s something you don’t even notice in a place you’re familiar with, but quite unsettling just after a move. Especially if you’re anxious. I do think it gets a bit easier after all the unpacking is done and you’re surrounded by things that seem more familiar.

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PigeonInTheLoft · 19/12/2019 07:41

My mum got like this every time we moved house. My mum needs routine. Big changes cause anxiety. We only ever went on holiday abroad once and never again because the change was too much for her.

But rest assured, she would always warm to the new house eventually and realise it wasn't a mistake, or that its 'a bad house'

Maybe ask your doctor to refer you for CBT to help manage your feelings?

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 07:46

When my anxiety first started I went to stay with my parents for a bit of normality and my DH and in laws very kindly unpacked so that’s all done. It’s when I start thinking negatively about the house it spirals- like at work all day yesterday I was worrying and when I came home I had a fever but felt fine in myself other than feeling cold inside but boiling outside. This kept on all night, I sweated through 2 t shirts and this morning I was okay but started thinking again and immediately got hot. So then I convince myself the house is making me ill when I know it’s not but what if it is? It sounds ridiculous writing it down but I can’t help it.

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 07:48

Oh God lovemyfurrywuff, that’s the last thing I needed to hear lol! Do your family feel it too? My DH and DS love the house and I don’t feel like it’s a bad house, just unfamiliar and not ‘mine’ so I’m on edge all the time

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Summercamping · 19/12/2019 07:55

That sounds really difficult. Have you tried making a list of things about the house that are good?

Sometimes doing some kind of ritual to cleanse the house, like getting it blessed, burning sage or what not, can make it feel more like "your" home.

I'm not a believer but I think rituals have a psychological effect, even if you don't believe, they can be soothing ime.

Sorry you're not able to enjoy your new home yet. I hope things improve soon.

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Booberella9 · 19/12/2019 07:56

I've heard that anxiety and positive excitement have the same physical symptoms but are interpreted in different ways. Don't know if that helps. If you think about when you met your DH you probably thought about him a lot and got sweaty!

How many times have you moved house as a family? I think it's normal to take a long time to adjust, after all you have built all your family routines in the previous house and now have to start from scratch. I think the routine aspect is part of the "feeling at home" feeling? Just knowing where things are and not having to think about it at all. I'm like this in the kitchen, took a few goes to figure out where I wanted everything to go.

Lastly don't rule out other things going on as being a bigger factor, DH being made redundant sounds pretty massive as a life change.

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positivity123 · 19/12/2019 08:05

I think this is really normal when you move house. I get it when I go on holiday.
I read a book once about habits and basically all the things that you used to do in your old house like make a cup of tea used the 'habit' part of your brain which requires very little thought and energy. When you move house you have to actively engage your brain for every little thing which is exhausting and stressful without realising it.

Take each day at a time and it will get easier, all the thoughts of it being a 'bad' house is just your brain trying to rationalise the feelings you are having. Best of luck.

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Danni12 · 19/12/2019 08:06

See if unpacking and having your own familiar things around you in the new house help. It is also worth trying to incorporate positive sensory experiences in your home, play music that you love, all of your absolute favourites, if you like a certain smell, scented candles perhaps, light one, cook favourite foods, ensure you have something that you absolutely love the feel of (touch, texture) in your home too, like a warm, soft, snuggly blanket. Feed your senses with positives that you love. Have people who are special to you come round, take photos together in your new place. Look to see if there is anywhere in your new home that you like, what is it about that particular part of the house that you like? Once you have worked that out do more of it in other places in the house. Make it cosy, make it inviting, make it yours. Remind yourself that you have been through two life events, moving house and DH's redundancy and be kind to yourself and do lots of self care www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/self-care-for-anxiety/#.XfsuZBinyyU

Give yourself time to get used to this new space and make it homely and make it yours.

Access counselling or similar to identify the drivers for your anxiety and keep connected with people who matter to you and make you feel happy. Flowers

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peoplepleaser1 · 19/12/2019 08:09

OP this is not an uncommon thing to happen. It's made all the worse by the fact that you're under pressure to be happy in your new home, your anxiety can subconsciously play on this. Some people feel a similar anxiety on holiday, their birthday, Christmas..... i.e. other occasions where there is pressure to have a great time.

Be kind to yourself, accept this is happening, don't hide from it- hiding and denying and burying your feelings can make them worse.

Take baby steps to warming to your new home. Give yourself time, don't rush.

Also, it is relevant that you've lived with in laws or parents recently- so you've been surrounded by a familiar environment, family support and day to day help. This is missing in your new home adding to the feelings of strangeness and anxiety.

This can and will pass. Know that the anxious feelings are ok, and normal and although very unpleasant they will not harm you.

I'm on my phone so I can't scroll back to your OP but be aware that it can take some time to adjust to taking antidepressants. In this time the side effects can be tricky, and your symptoms can worsen. Don't stop taking them though! Beta blockers may help with the physical sensations of anxiety, maybe have another chat with your GP.

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 08:20

I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow but to be honest I was thinking of calling and seeing if I could get seen today as the feelings are so overwhelming. I feel restless and as ridiculous as this sounds, I have no idea if my fever is because I’m not well or because I’m anxious. How do I tell?!

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2beautifulbabs · 19/12/2019 08:21

Hi Op I would agree you've had a couple of stressful things happen moving itself is stressful added with building work and then your DH being made redundant it all adds up.

If the house is making you feel on edge in terms that you think it's negative feelings I don't know if your religious or your family or DH family but could you get a priest to come and bless the house sounds daft but my mum did when we all moved into our family home years and years ago I'm by no means saying that will make you instantly feel better but perhaps with negative thoughts you can try and do something positive to ease your thoughts

I really hope you start to feel better soon op anxiety is no laughing matter I've suffered with it myself on and off Thanks

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Thornhill58 · 19/12/2019 08:23

We moved to a house that made me cry the day of the viewing. The couple that lived here they were at war with each other.
The house had bad energy but I really wanted to move from our flat.
Once we moved I blessed my house. Sounds silly but I thank the house I promised that I'll love her and looked after her. That I was lucky to have her. I did say a prayer to say thank you and we've been very happy for 10 years.
I do believe the house had a negative charge but didn't last at all.
Give your house a chance.

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 08:48

Thank you all. I’ve moved before but this is our first time moving as a family. I have an appointment with my GP at 9.50 so I’ll ask about beta blockers (thank you to PP who suggested that) and hope I’ve actually caught a bug and it’s not anxiety!

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CarolinaPink · 19/12/2019 10:07

Hi OP,

I’m sorry to hear you feel this way - hopefully the GP may be able to help this morning.

Might it help to have some sort of ‘blessing’/non-religious version of a welcome to the house ceremony? I’ve read that they’re a thing, and that sometimes people find them very helpful Flowers

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 12:19

Hi,

The GP started me on propolene, 1 a day and wouldn’t increase my sertraline; said 4 weeks wasn’t long enough for the 50mg to kick in and we could review it in 3 weeks. I have a sick note from work for a couple of weeks but don’t know if it’s better to go in and have something to do.

Time seems to be going so slowly :(

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 12:19

I’ll look at the welcome ceremony, that sounds nice x

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lexiepuppy · 19/12/2019 12:57

Hi.
You can change the energy of the house with candles, incense sticks and crystals to absorb the negative energy.
Amethyst, rose quartz, clear quartz and turquoise are good stones for changing energy.

If you want to go full on change of energy you can buy smudging sticks, that you light and swirl the smoke around in each room and just repeat that you are changing the energy from bad to good and bathing everything in light.

Plants, and photos, pictures will change.

You can also put a lemon in corners of the room to absorb energy.

Buy yourself some Bach flower rescue remedy to help you transition.

If you have a dog or cat they will pick up on bad energy!

Another way to change the feel of the house is music!

Put some loud, happy music on and change the vibe!

Xmas Grin

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GoBrookeYourself · 19/12/2019 13:12

Thank you lexiepuppy which incense sticks would you recommend?

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keepingbees · 19/12/2019 13:16

I have anxiety so I sympathise.
The sweating could be panic attacks, I swear when I'm panicking.
You need to try and familiarise yourself with the house. It's not a bad house you're just very stressed and it's manifesting as anxiety. Children often pick up on bad vibes like animals do, so if your DC is happy then I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Try and tell yourself that fear is all in the mind.
Open all the windows, choose some nice candles or scents that will help it feel more yours. Lavender is soothing and anything white sage is cleansing on energy.
You will get there Thanks

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