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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Some perspective please - daughters barista job.

37 replies

mydaughtersmum2 · 18/12/2019 20:51

NCed for this one . Not sure what is expected in cafe environment so need some perspective please on an issue. In the main my twenties Dd loves her job at a well known coffee chain . She has been there a while. She also has AS which may be relevant. An incident happened at the cafe a few weeks ago. The shift manager (SM) messed up following an incident which resulted in an A and E visit for her. SM was given a warning for this. Since then SM has been pretty awful to her culminating in yesterday. Think overly critical , unfriendly , judgemental , quick to anger.

2 were working together yesterday pm, SM wanted to leave shift early and close down quickly. This is after cafe closes to customers. Told DD to do things she was untrained for and ended up shouting and swearing at her when they weren’t done quick enough nor properly. She did tell him she was not trained to do the things she was asked to do and usually does other roles in close down. One things beyond their control meant that close down yesterday wasn’t going to be super easy - not all loos working , late customers. SM wasn’t just frustrated , shouting and swearing was addressed directly at her.

She left in tears. On the way home SM rang her to give a poor version of an apology. That they were quick to anger recently Hmm that she wasn’t to take it personally Hmm and that if angry to her, it just means SM is comfortable enough to express their anger around my DD! [speechless]

I am furious ! Is this typical of the catering industry? She wasn’t working today but due back in tomorrow.

She has contacted store manager but feels that solution proposed means that store manager is not dealing with this properly.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 18/12/2019 20:56

Unfortunately there are pricks in every industry.

wavecatcher · 18/12/2019 20:58

It doesn't matter where she works or what her role is it's categorically not ok to be shouted at and sworn out by anyone in the work place.
She needs to take it further and if it happens again she should state do not use that language with me or i will walk out. Then do literally this and do not tolerate it in the slightest! I hope she is ok.

Sparklyboots · 18/12/2019 20:59

Nope not normal. I own a cafe btw

Unihorn · 18/12/2019 21:00

Catering is unforgiving and not a pleasant environment. I always advise people not to work in it unless they have thick skin. However this incident sounds awful even for hospitality and I would definitely not be working there anymore!

hidinginthenightgarden · 18/12/2019 21:48

I worked in catering for years and was never spoken to like that!

Original poster
mydaughtersmum2 · 18/12/2019 22:23

Based on the few responses above including some from People in the catering industry I am glad she and I anbu. So next thing is what to do about it . I suggested to put it in writing what happened to store manager but they don’t have a work email address.

OP posts:
windycuntryside · 18/12/2019 22:29

How old is your dd?
That is awful, if she raises it further the SM could become a passive aggressive arse and no improvement for you dd. I’d say leave, it’s not worth the emotional stress. I know it means the SM lives to fight another day, but in reality who wants to work in the situation you describe?

Rachelfromfriends1 · 18/12/2019 22:30

This isn’t necessarily similar, but I have friends that used to be a chef and supervisor in a restaurant and some of the staff were very rude/shouty/sweary. There were constant massive arguments within the kitchen!

Your daughter’s colleague is rude and ridiculous, don’t accept his apology. Take it further.

covetingthepreciousthings · 18/12/2019 22:32

If it's a chain, she could raise it with the HR dept if the store manager won't.

EmmiJay · 18/12/2019 22:37

Yes, I'd say take it further. SM needs to wind her neck in about 'comfortable enough to be angry with your DD.' Rude!

Justmuddlingalong · 18/12/2019 22:39

Would she be confident enough to request a meeting with her, the shift manager and the store manager?

Osquito · 18/12/2019 22:42

I worked for one of the main chains for nearly 10years - all roles in store, up to store manager.

That incident was not okay at all. I don’t think I’ve even been in a store where that has happened between the SM and barista.

MamaGee09 · 18/12/2019 22:44

My ds works in a kitchen part time and got shouted at off the manager for something that wasn’t even his fault, he was only 17 and really annoyed about it when he came home. I told him If it ever happened again to walk away and say I’ll speak to you when you speak to me there’s is no need to shout at me and I won’t listen to you if that’s what you are going to do.

LilQueenie · 18/12/2019 22:45

Its not normal in any job to treat anyone like that. (though it does remind me of Gordon Ramsay) Hmm

To me 'comfortable to be angry around' is another way of saying confident of not being called out on it.

Purpleartichoke · 18/12/2019 22:47

This sort of thing happens at all kinds of jobs. You would be amazed at the screaming that happens in the offices at some very large corporations.

That doesn’t mean it is right or remotely acceptable, but it does happen.

ElizabethG81 · 18/12/2019 23:05

The behaviour sounds completely unreasonable, but YABU in being so over-invested in your 20-odd year old daughter's job. Let her deal with it, it's not school.

Hello1290 · 18/12/2019 23:10

ElizabethG81 - the op is just trying to help her daughter who has additional needs.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/12/2019 23:13

If it's a chain, it's more likely to help her if she complains formally. If it's an independent, all that will happen is that she will have made an enemy, unfortunately.
Talk it through with her: ask whether she feels she can ride it out/put it behind her; whether she would like to transfer to another branch of the chain or whether she would prefer to look for another job. Some people can shrug it off if they work with someone who is a bit shouty sometimes but otherwise treats them fairly.

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/12/2019 23:18

Not the catering industry OP but have worked in HR in retailing- have her put this in writing. As it is a well known chain there is much that can be done here. She needs to formally raise a grievance against her manager,in writing to that persons line manager, this will be escalated and an investigation will take place. Swearing/shouting at a member of staff is not acceptable, neither is bullying in the workplace by being singled out, nor is having an untrained member of staff do tasks they are not trained safely to do. This person sounds unpleasant and unprofessional and as she has caused I jiry she is lucky a claim is not being raised as she would be within her rights to do so.

Feel free to PM if you require any help with a letter should your DD wish to escalate it!

MotherHeggy · 18/12/2019 23:21

I work in a cafe and am a supervisor/shift manager. Whilst I'm comfortable around the staff I wouldn't ever use that as an excuse to lose my temper with any of them.

It's not typical of the catering industry - I've been in this type of job for 20 years+.

She needs to take it further - her colleague needs to realise that you can't treat staff like that

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 18/12/2019 23:24

I've worked in catering and never been sworn or shouted at.

It isn't normal and she should report it.

Instagrump · 18/12/2019 23:35

I've worked in catering on and off all my life and one recurring theme in kitchens was being spoken to like shit by chefs or managers who thought they were Gordon fucking Ramsay. It doesn't happen everywhere but I have never been yelled at in my office or various shop jobs. That said, I'm older now and if I were to work in a kitchen or waitressing again there is no way in hell I'd put up with that. Your DD needs to speak to someone higher. He can't be allowed to reduce staff to tears!

Happysummer2020 · 18/12/2019 23:50

That's not acceptable. She should contact the HR dept if it's a chain and they have one. Were there any witnesses to the behaviour?

Spacebowlisback · 18/12/2019 23:56

I worked with a chef when I was fifteen. Awful temper. Horrible horrible man and I ended up in tears a fair bit for £2.60 an hour.

SnapCackleFlop · 18/12/2019 23:58

I think it sounds like she’s been treated very badly (and handled it well for what it’s worth - it’s a horrible situation and plenty of people would walk away and not go back).

There are dicks everywhere but that doesn’t mean it’s okay or that treating people terribly should be tolerated.

I don’t have any helpful suggestions on what to do other than taking it to someone senior enough. It’s great that you’re supporting and helping her and that she knows she can rely on you.

Incidentally, I always say how difficult I think it must be working in a cafe. These days the orders for hot drinks are so complicated and people seem to work flat out relentlessly and I don’t think I could hack it for more than about half an hour!