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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a child free minibreak?

83 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 18/12/2019 02:01

Just looking for some consensus, really.

DH, DS and I had a terrible time on holiday in the summer - I posted a few times on here about it! I naively believed that it would be possible to have a nice, relaxing time on holiday with a one year old, which I now realise was absolute stupidity.

So, fast forward a few months and DH and I would really love to go away for a few days in February. This would mean leaving DS, who will be nearly 18 months old, with my mother in law for 4 nights.

He stays there every month or so overnight and seems comfortable, sleeps well etc.

Has anyone done this? Is he too young? If you've done it, what was the reaction from your child when you got home?

I'm probably worrying about nothing, just wondering if this is a common thing to do.

OP posts:

Rachie1973 · 18/12/2019 08:25

Lol. Go. Enjoy.

Settlersofcatan · 18/12/2019 08:28

I don't have anyone who would look after mine so not an option for me.

In your position, I would try it for 2 nights first - as much for your MIL's sake as your son's! She might find it too much and I wouldn't risk her good will and monthly overnights by taking the piss

user1493413286 · 18/12/2019 08:30

We did this at 18 months to attend a child free wedding abroad, it was 3 nights and 4 full days which was a bit much in the end for me rather than DD. She was fine and had a lovely time with mil, I’d prefer to do 2 nights in the future or at least only 3 full days

user1493413286 · 18/12/2019 08:31

Also it was lovely for both me and DH to have time together and time to ourself and be able to do what we wanted when we wanted

charm8ed · 18/12/2019 08:39

I took my DC on holiday from when they were 10 weeks onwards and always enjoyed my holidays.
I’m would have like to have had a child free couple of nights too but never had that option.

BigFatLiar · 18/12/2019 08:39

Do it, have a bit of time to yourself.

We were NC with my parents initially when the girls were born. It was tough looking after twins and eventually my DH suggested I go for a mini break and he'd look after the girls. Before we married I did a lot of solo travelling so it wasn't new to me going on my own. I had a long weekend in Berlin, he had a weekend with his daughters. I missed them but enjoyed relaxing and being me again. They met me at the airport and it was good to be home, the girls were fed, clean and happy. The house wan't immaculate but wasn't a tip. I think DH enjoyed being dad.

WhereverIMayRoam · 18/12/2019 08:46

We left dc with my parents for overnights/long weekends at that age and they were absolutely fine. Usually spoiled rotten and gps delighted to have them all to themselves . I never felt any guilt either, why would I? They were with people I’d trust most to take care of them and it allowed dh and I to have time together as a couple which I think is good for a healthy relationship. Go for it!

Oh and the reaction from dc on our return? Like we’d popped to the shops for a pint of milk ! They don’t have much concept of time at that age.

OddBoots · 18/12/2019 08:48

If it would be possible to make it a max of 3 nights and if your MIL is genuinely happy to do it then I would say go for it. 4 nights seems a little long for the first time but not totally unreasonable if MIL is confident.

Morgan12 · 18/12/2019 08:49

Think it depends on the child tbh. My two would jump at the chance of four nights with their Grandma. I'd miss them like mad.

I think I could do 2 nights at a push but after that my mum guilt would set in and I wouldn't enjoy it.

WhoCaresWins01 · 18/12/2019 09:01

First time I left my dc was only for 2 nights - 4 nights might be a bit much for both of you.
I had my first holiday abroad with dd when she was 3 months old another at 9months and again at 14 months. Now have 2 DC 14 &12 and we have had a least one holiday abroad every year, never had a problem.
The key to holidays with children is planning carefully and accepting that holidays with children are very different to just being a couple.

Freshnewus · 18/12/2019 09:03

I have refused to take our toddlers on holiday until they are older.

We took DS1 when he was 6 months. We had 2 sets of grandparents and even then it didn't feel like much of a break! (We rented a villa and so we very much had the daily grind of shopping, cooking, cleaning, bottles, nappies)

Since then I have said no more holidays with the children until they are potty trained and will actually enjoy the holiday/sit still on a plane!

We left them both last summer (age 1 year and 2.4 years) they were fine, we had a fabulous grown up break, they loved staying with grandparents.

We plan to do the same again this year. But also do plan a little camping holiday with the boys this year too!

I say go for it! It will be good for your marriage too!

whatthehelldowecare · 18/12/2019 09:09

Absolutely fine imo. Happy parents = happy baby. Go and enjoy yourselves!

converseandjeans · 18/12/2019 09:40

streetwise we have never taken ours on that abroad package holiday type deal. Can't afford to! So it's always been camping, YHA, Travelodge, canvas holidays type deals.
We have left ours a few times but probably not at 18 months as it's hard age & 2 nights rather than 4.
Totally depends on grandparents doesn't it? If they offer & are fit enough to cope with toddler for 5 days:4nights then it's fine.
Maybe go while they can do nursery as usual in the day so it's not such hard work for grandparents?

BrickTop999 · 18/12/2019 09:54

Absolutely go away !! Honestly some mothers on Mumsnet act like they are the be all and end all of motherhood and their poor little mites wont cope without them. Probs be the same mothers with the clingy needy child with anxiety issues. My two who are adult are extremely well balanced rounded young men and Id left them with family no problem when they were young

Emmacb82 · 18/12/2019 09:55

I think I would do it, but only for 2 nights. 4 nights is too long for a little one, and actually I think you’ll find that you’ll miss them after the first night away. The only time we have been able to have a night off was for our mini honeymoon in Center parcs last year, my parents had our 3 year old for 2 nights and then he joined us for the rest of the week. We have no parents on hubbys side and mine live in another part of the country so we don’t ever get to even go out for dinner on our own! So I would jump at the chance of getting a little break x

AryaStarkWolf · 18/12/2019 09:59

Go for it, he's used to her and staying overnight and resting happy parents will only be a plus

MadMadMad · 18/12/2019 10:00

Yep we did this regularly when ours were little, they loved the time with grandparents and we loved adult time!

AryaStarkWolf · 18/12/2019 10:01

Honestly some mothers on Mumsnet act like they are the be all and end all of motherhood and their poor little mites wont cope without them. Probs be the same mothers with the clingy needy child with anxiety issues.

Exactly bloody hell, It's ridiculous the way some go one

timeforawine · 18/12/2019 10:05

I don’t know why people persist with the ordeal of taking very small children abroad to holiday apartments in Spain and the like. There is absolutely no point
This is bonkers, we took our daughter to the US for 3 weeks at 10m old and she was super, she's now 3 and has travelled abroad a lot both long haul and short haul and each holiday she's been awesome, all children are different and if you are going away you need to change you expectations, example you can't both lay on a sun lounger relaxing when you have a child

Vulpine · 18/12/2019 10:12

I love/d going on hols with my kids

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 18/12/2019 10:14

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. Very much appreciated!

I did think that 4 nights was a bit much, but we're governed by flight times, and our local airport isn't great for choice l. I don't really want to risk having to do a connecting flight and being delayed. We could switch our plans and just stay in the UK, though. That's something I'm thinking about now as a better alternative. I guess at least if things really are too much for him, we can just come back straight away.

I honestly do take my hat off to those who have been on holidays overseas with small children and found it straightforward! He hated it, we therefore had a lousy time. I'm 100% in agreement with @StreetwiseHercules and others on this one - it's Center Parcs all the way for us for the foreseeable future.

DS never seems phased by staying out overnight, never cries when I leave etc and MiL seems happy to have him. Good to hear that for other kids it wasn't a big deal - that makes me feel better!

I agree that time as a couple is important, too. I do worry about feeling guilty for leaving him, though. A couple of days might be a better plan.

OP posts:

Elbeagle · 18/12/2019 10:17

I would if anyone would have offered to have my non sleeping children for even a night 😩

WorraLiberty · 18/12/2019 10:21

4 nights will fly by for all of you. Just do it!

You know your own child and your own MIL. I'm sure if you thought it was a really bad idea, you wouldn't be considering this at all.

Posting in AIBU was probably a bad move though, as some MNetters won't even let their senior school children walk to school.

charm8ed · 18/12/2019 10:35

Center Parks is great for another time OP, but throw some money at it. Book a babysitter, have an adult meal out, use childcare services and spend that time at the spa or doing something fun with your DH. There will still plenty of time for family time and activities too.
Enjoy your mini break next year.

LynseyLou1982 · 18/12/2019 11:26

We've only left our DS once for one night when he was 15 months old but he was absolutely fine with his Auntie (I have no MIL, FIL lives far away and my parents are too old to do overnights now). I'm not brave enough to do a trip abroad with him yet so it's Centre Parcs for us next year. We recently got married and got some money as a wedding present so we're hoping to maybe do 2 nights away child free for our anniversary next year. I've no problem leaving him but I don't think I'd want to be more than 2-3 hours away.

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