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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset that I'm never, ever good at anything?

37 replies

AvaGrace412 · 17/12/2019 16:01

I have namechanged for this as, frankly, it's embarrassing and I probably sound childish and silly but I just feel so upset at the moment because I am never good at anything. I'm ok at things, but I never ever exell.

As a child I did various types of dance for many years and always did ok in exams but never won competitions and was never selected by my dance school to join their elite squad.

At school I was in the top sets for all subjects but the bottom of the top set, so never received any praise or recognition.

In jobs I'm always 'ok' or 'good' at my job but I never stand out. My workplaces always seem to have someone else doing the same job or similar jobs to me who is amazing and really stands out, and who is labelled the 'star' of the workplace and there is just no living up to them.

For the past year I've been doing a dance type class, and again I'm 'ok' at it but only the excellent participants get any credit or attention or help from the teacher, and selected for demonstrations and things like that. I've made progress on a personal level but if you're not excellent at the dance type then you're just 'there' in a class and no one really takes any notice of you.

AIBU to be upset that I never excel at anything?

OP posts:
TeachersPetMonkey · 17/12/2019 16:04

I'm the same, Jack of all trades, master of none. But it's fine. I figure it is better to be a good all rounder than excel at one thing and be really bad at everything else. That's what I tell myself to make me feel better anyway!

Nottobesoldseparately · 17/12/2019 16:06

I imagine you excel at many every day things but you just dont realise, because they are to you the mundane routine.

I was similar to you, turns out I positively excel at cooking and driving.
I also excel at arty type stuff, despite not being artistic.
And my biggest excellence is hosting parties 😊

So, yes, I think you will excel at stuff, just not what you necessarily want to.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 17/12/2019 16:07

OK two points

You go to the dance class presumably because you enjoy dancing rather than because you want to be the best dancer in the class? If it’s taking away your enjoyment of the class that you’re not the best there then you need to look at why you’re going. Hobbies should be fun. Not full of pressure to be the best.

Secondly, at work- are you working as hard as you can to get the recognition the others are getting? Are you doing all the things they are?

CakeandCustard28 · 17/12/2019 16:11

I’m the same. Only thing I’ve ever been good at is parenting. Might just be you haven’t found what your amazing at yet, some people don’t find out till their retired. Keep trying new things, find what you excel at. That’s what I’m doing and it’s helped with that feeling anyway.

Original poster
AvaGrace412 · 17/12/2019 16:14

I do go to the dance class as I enjoy dancing but the teacher is only interested in the really good dancers and so I just get overlooked and ignored and the teacher doesn't even say hello to me when I get there.

At work, yes, I work really hard. The current 'superstar' colleague gets given lots of extra help and leads from our boss (we work in telesales) whilst I don't. Everyone fawns over her like she's famous!

OP posts:
DDIJ · 17/12/2019 16:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Hopalong34 · 17/12/2019 16:16

You need to change your dance teacher!

Buddyelf · 17/12/2019 16:16

Same here OP. Never really had a talent or excelled at anything. I was always smart, got A’s etc but was never the ‘top’. Not athletic in anyway, no rhythm, can’t sing or dance, list goes on.
It’s a bit crap and probably always will be a bit crap but I try not to dwell on it too much.
I have kids now and I try and focus on them and their talents and abilities and helping them and supporting them. Living vicariously I suppose Grin

AryaStarkWolf · 17/12/2019 16:17

I'm good at sleeping, if you think hard you will find something Grin

wellthatwasthat · 17/12/2019 16:17

When it comes to the dance class, you are paying the same as everyone else, and deserve an equal amount of the teacher's attention. Can you speak to the teacher and ask for more corrections, saying you are keen to improve and need help because you have hit a bit of a plateau?

AryaStarkWolf · 17/12/2019 16:18

I'm the same. Can't even make a cup of tea. It makes other people feel better about their shortcomings when they see me failing at life so I like to think that is my purpose.

ha that made me laugh, you're good at positivity :p

goose1964 · 17/12/2019 16:21

I'm the same but over the years I've learnt that I can untie knots and untangle Christmas lights.I haven't knitted for years but I once knitted a fair isle sweater. There will be things you can do that don't seem exceptional to you but others will be wow you can do THAT, see untangling Christmas lights.

SuperMeerkat · 17/12/2019 16:23

No discernible talents here either. My DH things I could do standup comedy though 😂

ChestnutSmoothie · 17/12/2019 16:27

How many other people in the dance class aren’t being fawned over by the teacher? How many of your other colleagues aren’t being treated like they’re “famous”?

Most, I bet.

Most people don’t excel at anything. Most of us are, basically, average.

Although your dance teacher sounds rude, quite honestly.

Sparklesocks · 17/12/2019 16:29

Do you think there is a specific reason being the ‘best’ is important to you OP? Are there certain things that come with it (like payrises for being a high performer at work etc) or is it more you want to stand out and be noticed by people?

Original poster
AvaGrace412 · 17/12/2019 16:30

I think it's that I want to stand out and be noticed.

I grew up with emotionally abusive parents to were very critical and never said anything nice to or about me. I guess that's why!

OP posts:
Yika · 17/12/2019 16:32

(a) YANBU because it's disheartening not to have something that you feel real pride in.

(b) Change your dance teacher, a recreational class should nurture your confidence as well as teach you a skill.

(b) Keep a running list of anything you notice you do well - eventually you will spot a few genuine talents. As others have said often they are well hidden in the daily routine.

PloddingPandaMum · 17/12/2019 16:33

You're an excellent all-rounder. That's something to be very proud about. Life is long and there's time to find your niche but perhaps you're too hard on yourself. I'm excellent at gauging time and how long things will take. Not going to make me rich or get an amazing job but it's a source of mini pride!

I am liking reading other people's underrated special skills Grin

puds11 · 17/12/2019 16:33

Be careful what you wish for! I generally excel at things (not a stealth brag) but there is now a level of expectation from people that quite frankly can be quite smothering. Plus people don’t take my worries seriously because ‘they know I’ll do fine’. Not all it’s cracked up to be.

MushroomTree · 17/12/2019 16:35

I know how you feel. I've always been actually bad at things or at best mediocre at them. I've never been top of the class or the star of the workplace.

I try not to let it bother me but it does really. I'm trying to change jobs at the moment and despite having a perfectly decent CV I'm not even getting interviews. I'm assuming it's because nothing on my CV makes me stand out as a "wow" candidate.

I once heard someone say that everyone has a "thing" they're better at than anyone else. Whatever my "thing" is I haven't found it yet.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 17/12/2019 16:35

I have the same issue, I also had emotionally abusive parents. I reckon even if we were famous we would still compare ourselves unfavourably to others. It’s part of what our parents did to us

Emeraldshamrock · 17/12/2019 16:36

It sounds like it is lack of confidence holding you back.
Give yourself a break. I bet you excel at many different things in the eyes of friends and family.
Work on building your self esteem, excel at being and loving who you are.

PloddingPandaMum · 17/12/2019 16:36

Critical parents have a lot to answer for! Try to be kinder to yourself and I know it's a cliché but think about what you're doing right and not the bits that weren't perfect. Positive self talk has a profound effect on our mental health. As does negative but obv in a crappy way Flowers

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 17/12/2019 16:42

I strongly believe that everyone is really really good at something- be that giving hugs or making the perfect cup of tea. Don’t Judge a fish on its ability to ride a bike etc
So I bet there is something you are brilliant at but maybe you don’t recognise it Smile
(Find a new dance coach!)

SallyLovesCheese · 17/12/2019 16:43

OP, I could have written your post! With the dancing and being bottom of the top sets etc. And over the last decade or so I've come to the conclusion that I'm never going to be amazing at anything. I can do lots of things "okay" but nothing that stands out, including in my job (realised I'm not as good as Leader as I thought I might be). So I'm doing my best to be fine with being average and not having a specific talent. It's sometimes hard but I'm learning to be happy just in myself.