My family has always 'done' Christmas. There was always a big pile of presents under the tree and now that we are adults, we each spend a decent amount on each other. We don't do birthdays - at most we give each other a card.
DHs family are more reserved - they give each other one or two little things and the same at birthdays. Some of it is different financial means, but it's more just a different approach.
Last year (first year we were married) - I said to DH we should spend roughly equal amounts on our immediate families. I toned back my spend and we were a bit more generous than DH would normally be with his family. It didnt really work. On my side it was fine, but on his side it was awkward although DH had laid foundations with his family.
So this year, we decided we would go back to the historical norm. We have got his parents some small bits and bobs (probably £50 value each still). For my dad, I wanted to replace a sentimental item of my late grandmothers which was stolen in a burglary earlier this year. It was costly.
My sister has been round and we discussed presents and she said it was unfair to spend so much more on our parents than ILs. FIL is joining for xmas lunch but it will be after my parents have been round to exchange gifts, so I don't anticipate weirdness there. But AIBU?