AIBU to want DP roommate to move out?

[Housingsitch]

My DP and I have been in a more or less long-distance relationship (same country, different cities) for the last couple of years. I finally found a job in their city and the obvious next step is for me to move in. We've both been longing to finally get to live together.

My DP owns a flat. The problem for me is DP has a roommate. The roomie is a nice person, we have friends in common, and we all get on well, but I just don't want to live in that kind of house-share. We are all late 20s to early 30s and I've been there and done that. I just want to live with my DP.

DP doesn't see the problem. DP enjoys living with this person and see it as a good way to make a bit of extra cash. We had a discussion about it last night and DP was very taken aback when I suggested asking the roommate to move out. DP feels it's mean to make roommate leave when they've done nothing wrong. It would also mean DP would have to have a very awkward conversation they don't want to have, as I'm the one who wants the roommate to move out.

AIB totally U and selfish? Should I just suck it up and move into a shared house even though I promised myself I would never do that again? I've been living on my own for 2+ years and love it. The idea of living with anyone who isn't my partner makes me feel a bit stressed as I used to house share and could never relax.

Your dp is not ready to make the commitment of moving in together. If you want to move to the same city, get your own place, but I would not move cities just for this person.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable and a compromise is needed. Personally I'd probably feel like you and want to live without a roommate that said if DH is close to the roomie it's totally understandable he doesn't want to chuck them out (does DH own the flat or would the roomie have just as much claim to it?).
I would go for a compromise. Live together for some amount of time with the roommate (maybe 6 months) and then if the relationship is solid get a place just the two of you.

When I moved in with (now) DH he had a lodger. The lodger moved out when we got married because his mum told him to!

I can’t tell if you are trying to obscure the sex of your partner or their flat mate?

But this information could prove useful.

Are you concerned there is a romantic dynamic to your partner’s relationship with their flat mate?

I moved into DH's house, which he shared with a lodger.

Don't do it. I was the one made to feel like an outsider, they were very untidy and whenever I wanted to use the kitchen/bathroom/living room, they were in it. And because they were there first, they did their best to make me feel awkward.

After 3 months, I told DH I was moving back home unless the lodger went.

I'd take it that he's not bothered tbh.........

The lodger is more important than you are to your DP.

Thanks for all the replies.

Sorry about the gender neutrality. Wanted to make it as unidentifiable as possible as I've discussed it with friends who may be on here but I'm sure they could work it out from other details anyway. Partner is male, flatmate is female. I have never been worried about the dynamic between them and believe I would feel the same way if the flatmate was male. I just don't want the whole shared household thing. Like someone said, it's like being back at uni.

We've been together for several years and lived together previously, which worked really well. I'm not worried about his commitment to the relationship. This job offer was unexpected as I only applied on the off chance - he was the one who immediately said how great it was that we could finally live together.

He owns the place so would need to ask lodger to move out.

I think it hadn't occurred to him that I would have a problem with living with a third person and it took him by surprise. He's a bit awkward and is definitely the kind of person who would dread that kind of conversation. I'm just afraid that if I don't push a little bit, the flatmate will still be there in 8 years time, as one pp said.

I will talk to him again and try to explain myself a bit better. The suggestion of sucking it up and giving it 6 months is a good one. Like people say, she might decide to move out on her own accord.