To feel a bit disappointed about not receiving anything from family at Christmas/birthdays

[lottalime]

I'm not trying to have a pity party here at all - after my friend made a comment I just started thinking

A while ago my friend asked me what my parents got me for my birthday (they're not together any more, in their 50s and quite well off, we're on good terms and there haven't been any fallings out) I said they didn't get me anything and she looked shocked.

It's the same with Christmas too. I always make a big effort with them, I get them something nice and take them out for birthdays, arrange something special, make a card/cake and so on.
When I was little they used to get me toys and things and I would always find Christmas very exciting.

I had felt a bit disappointed they didn't seem to reciprocate, but I put it to the back of my mind thinking perhaps now I'm an adult it's not necessary any more.
I do feel a bit sad at this time of year because I don't have a partner or many friends (don't get out much due to long term physical problems) so I don't normally receive any gifts. Although last week my friend brought something for me, it feels like a book and I'm quite excited so saving it for Christmas Day.

I don't know if anyone else thinks it's odd.

It would be nice to have somewhere to be invited for Christmas Day (my dad is with his partner so I can't impose and my mum has been invited round by her friend. I will get myself some nice foods and watch films but I do feel a bit sad about it all) although I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the same situation.

I just want to know if people think my parents' behaviour is odd and if you spend Christmas Day alone, what sort of things do you do?

I know there are much bigger things in the world to worry about than one day, but it's more the lack of effort I get back from them that makes me feel very sad and disappointed

Bump - anyone?

had felt a bit disappointed they didn't seem to reciprocate, but I put it to the back of my mind thinking perhaps now I'm an adult it's not necessary any more

If you think that then why are you bending over backwards giving them presents etc then? Because as usual it's not about the actual gift itself it's about the nice feeling you get when you know someone is thinking of you. Being in someone's thoughts. And it doesnt look as if you feel you are in your DPs thoughts at all.

Feel for you. Are they mean? I must admit I feel it too my mam got tight lately even with kids. Im thinking now buy small for xmas. I dont know when I hear how other daughters are treated I cringe. Hope u ok. It is hurtful my mam has money just mean !!

I'd consider asking them outright why they don't get you anything, or telling them what you want for Christmas this year. If nothing changes then I'd back off buying them anything.

Could you do some volunteering on Christmas Day to get yourself out the house? It's probably too late to organise something for this year, but you might be able to find something suitable for next year.

Your parents let you spend Christmas Day alone? That's pretty harsh imo and yeah my mother buys me presents for birthdays/Christmas

Are you an only child OP? What is your relationship like with your dad and stepmum? Do your parents know you'll be alone at Christmas?

I feel for you op, that sounds very tough.
My eldest DS is 31 and I can’t imagine not buying him some Christmas presents and seeing him on Christmas Day or at least offering to see him if he has own family.
Could you plan some nice luxuries for yourself on Christmas Day, a special bubble bath or some shower products, a lovely candle, a glass of something special etc?

I think it's a bit shoddy that ONE of your parents can't include you in their plans... could you join your Mum and her friend or your Dad and his partner?

We don't exchange presents for adults, but we do make time for each other!

Wow that’s awful! How old are you?
I have DC’s in their twenties who generally ask for money, but I still buy them a few little gifts as well and they come home for Christmas (along with several bags of washing).
Even if they are not very well off I would expect them to buy you a small gift and invite you around on Christmas Day

I think its very strange your parents wouldn't invite you for Christmas especially if you're on your own. It shouldn't feel like imposing, they're your parents!

Also a bit strange never to get you anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Do they know you’ll be on your own for Christmas? If they do they’re bloody awful and you should stop buying them gifts immediately.

I think your parents treat you terribly. I can't imagine treating my adult DD so badly.

It’s not unusual to not get a gift as an adult. But it’s super cold not to include you on Christmas Day! Have you told them you’re going to be alone?

My Parents are divorced and my Dad doesn’t buy me presents but my mum does. Generally I’m happy for adults not to exchange presents and buy only for the children but I have a DH and will be getting presents from him and my DD. I don’t know in what lifetime you would exclude your child from Christmas Day if you knew they’d be alone. Sorry to be crude but they’re both acting like c*nts. Who cares if you’re dad’s got a partner? What exactly are you intruding on exactly? Christmas for me is exactly about family & friends OP and if I knew you I would invite you to my house for Christmas Day. Can you no go to your friends house?

Do they know you're on your own or do they each think you're seeing the other? It is crap of them I wouldn't bother with anything other than a token present if you really wanted to get something. But to be honest, use the money on something for yourself!

Why buy them presents? I would stop with the gifts. Just send a nice card. If they ask where their present is, just say, "wheres mine?!"

I agree with PP. Don't buy them any more gifts and let them complain. Then point out when they last gave you anything.

I've spend Christmas Day on my own and loved it. I make eggnog first thing and have that with something special for breakfast. When the eggnog's finished I'll open a bottle of wine. (I don't usually drink on my own so it feels 'naughty' and I don't drink much, so that one bottle will last me the whole day). I'll make myself a small Christmas dinner, served whenever I want, and watch whatever I want on the TV. Obviously I spend the day in PJs!

I think last time I spent the day on my own I spent part of the time doing a jigsaw puzzle that I'd treated myself to (first one I'd done in about 20 years!) and read a book as well.

Be selfish and do whatever YOU want to do. If you set out to enjoy the day, and not be miserable, there's a good chance you will.

It is utterly shit of them to leave you on your own on Christmas Day.

I wouldn't bother getting them presents anymore.

OP, why are you buying cards and presents for selfish knobs who don’t appear to give a shit about you?
Who never reciprocate?
Who apparently don’t care that you will be alone for Christmas?
These awful people are supposed to love you. They are failed parents.
I would either break off all contact with them, or confront them.
Ask them directly why they never give you a present but are happy to accept yours. Tell them how it makes you feel. And tell them it’s the last present they will ever be getting from you.
My own parents were selfish narcissists, and I finally went no contact with them in 1989. Didn’t regret it for a minute, and wished I’d done it sooner.

My DD is 21, and it is usually just me and her on Christmas Day. I will understand if, in the future, she makes her own plans which didn't include me but I would never, ever see her on her own on Christmas Day. I would always invite her, even if she couldn't make it. I will always buy her a present too, for Christmas and her birthday.
I think your DP are being very, very mean on both counts. There isn't much you can do about them not inviting you, but I would certainly not be buying presents for them. I would also look into volunteering somewhere on Christmas Day - I would love to do this, and have looked into it, but unfortunately I can't access any of the things local to me.

That's awful, how old are you? I'm really shocked how your parents behave. My daughter is 22 I'd crawl over hot coals to make sure she wasn't alone at Xmas if I could and I always spoil her. Are you sure there isn't some back story? Their behaviour is just odd.

Wow. I cant believe you feel like you'd be "imposing" on your dad OP. You are his kid. What parent would allow their son/daughter to be alone on xmas day when they dont have to be?

They both sound completely self-absorbed. Don't send them anything ever again. I'm sorry you're in this position. I hope by next Christmas you'll have cut ties with them and be celebrating with people who care about you, or helping out at Crisis, or something that involves being around people who make an effort and care.

It’s awful that your parents make you feel like you are imposing on them on Christmas Day. They both sound very selfish and self absorbed to be honest.

If I were you I would stop spending on them and use the money you’ve saved to treat yourself (although it’s not the same as receiving gifts). It’s absolutely horrible that they make you feel this way!

I wouldnt see anyone alone on Christmas day, much less my own child. If you were a friend of mine, even a work colleague or a cousin, you would be invited here! If you don't want to spend the day alone maybe mention it to people and someone will likely invite you.

I agree with those suggesting volunteering too.

As for gifts, just stop buying them.