To feel a bit disappointed about not receiving anything from family at Christmas/birthdays

[lottalime]

I'm not trying to have a pity party here at all - after my friend made a comment I just started thinking

A while ago my friend asked me what my parents got me for my birthday (they're not together any more, in their 50s and quite well off, we're on good terms and there haven't been any fallings out) I said they didn't get me anything and she looked shocked.

It's the same with Christmas too. I always make a big effort with them, I get them something nice and take them out for birthdays, arrange something special, make a card/cake and so on.
When I was little they used to get me toys and things and I would always find Christmas very exciting.

I had felt a bit disappointed they didn't seem to reciprocate, but I put it to the back of my mind thinking perhaps now I'm an adult it's not necessary any more.
I do feel a bit sad at this time of year because I don't have a partner or many friends (don't get out much due to long term physical problems) so I don't normally receive any gifts. Although last week my friend brought something for me, it feels like a book and I'm quite excited so saving it for Christmas Day.

I don't know if anyone else thinks it's odd.

It would be nice to have somewhere to be invited for Christmas Day (my dad is with his partner so I can't impose and my mum has been invited round by her friend. I will get myself some nice foods and watch films but I do feel a bit sad about it all) although I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the same situation.

I just want to know if people think my parents' behaviour is odd and if you spend Christmas Day alone, what sort of things do you do?

I know there are much bigger things in the world to worry about than one day, but it's more the lack of effort I get back from them that makes me feel very sad and disappointed

I really hope you’re not alone (if you don’t want to be) on Xmas day.

Sarah Millican does a hashtag #joinin on twitter each Xmas day which is a good way to feel involved with others who are spending the day alone or feeling low for another reason.

YANBU. It's very strange of them to do nothing for you when you make such an effort for them. Honestly they sound quite horrible and selfish.

If they don’t believe in gift giving then they don’t qualify to receive either!

I still buy gifts for my adult children even though I now also buy for grand children.

To ignore your own child at Christmas is awful.

You need to plan better for next year, go on an amazing holiday and treat yourself and NOT them.

I was going to suggest Sarah Millican’s #joinin too but I see Youngatheart00 has already done this. Your parents are definitely not coming out of this well. I would put the money you would have spent on them on something nice for yourself. Hope you end up having a good time. I think the advice to take it as a quiet treat day is good as I think that most charities sort out Christmas Day months in advance.

The being alone wouldn’t bother me - although I may go away somewhere warm if I was on my own at Xmas
I would ask why they don’t
I think I would stop buying for them and treat myself to something special
I’ve often bought myself a luxury item at Xmas because I deserve it!
One year it was a fake fur coat from tkmaxx - probably around £50 but at the time as a struggling single parent it was a lot of money to me
I wore it for years until it got too big when I lost weight
It brought me so much pleasure

That's really bad. It's the fact that they won't see you is the worst, buying presents don't really matter depending on the motivation. But stop buying for them and plan a lovely day for yourself. Or mention to a friend you aren't seeing your family, and you might get an invite. Most people hate to see someone by themselves for Christmas.

MIL is rather random in her generousness so sometime I get nothing and sometimes I get something fab, but I know she loves me and the present giving doesn't reflect her feelings, just her disorganisation and desire to get the perfect present. On the other hand my very organised Mum has made me jump through hoops to get her to give a present for DD1 this year and I absolutely know that when she doesn't buy me a present it's intended as a punishment for my 'unacceptable' behaviour. Looks like that is working down the generations now sadly (she wasn't very happy with DD1 when we visited last, DD1 was a bit of a hormonal 12 year old at the time).

Mines the same but woe betide I don't get them anything and theres hell to

Thank you for all the nice replies.
I think you're all right and I'm going to stop buying them things and arranging stuff for them. It leaves me feeling stupid and wondering whether I'm an idiot.
I'll definitely get my favourite Christmas foods in and have an enjoyable day watching films! At the end of the day I made the effort to be nice and it wasn't ever reciprocated, so that's on them not me.

I would have loved to have volunteered at Christmas but I don't think I'd be much help what with my physical abilities!

Get yourself some surprises next year with the money you would have spent on them. I suggest Birchbox and Craft Gin, its really fun having something to open and not knowing whats inside! It will be interesting to see if they say anything. Of course if they do you can say they are being silly, if you are too old for gifts so are they!

OMG!! That's truly horrible- what's wrong with them?? They're selfish & downright mean- they're your parents & they don't buy you anything & leave you to spend Christmas alone??!! That's just weird. Are they normally that horrid?? I'd sure as hell not be buying them anything from now on if they are!! How old are you? Do you not have any extended family or friends you can spend the day with? Xxx