AIBU?
re MiL and visiting over Christmas
Ellybellyboo · 16/12/2019 11:52
Sorry, another MiL and Christmas thread
12 years ago we moved 200ish miles away from the area we grew up.
At Christmas we’ve always travelled back to our families on Christmas Eve (they all live near each other still) and divided time between my family and DH’s and returned the day after Boxing Day
We’ve never had Christmas here so this year we decided we are staying home - we want to walk the dog and have bacon sarnies on the beach Christmas morning. DD2 has a pony and wants to see her Christmas Day, she also wants to go to the Boxing Day bloodhounds meet. DD1 is going out on the piss with her mates Christmas Eve and stuff like that
We told everyone up front as soon as Christmas talk started and have been clear ever since that we are staying here this year but everyone was more than welcome to come to us.
My parents and brother and SiL are coming down for a few days just after Christmas
MiL and Step-FiL have never visited us here (despite several invitations) and always spend Christmas Day with DH’s sister (we always saw them Boxing Day). They’re both fit and healthy, not elderly and both drive, although they never visited us when we lived 10 minutes away either
DH phoned her on Saturday - we were going to courier up a box of presents and he just wanted to check whether it would be best to send it to their home address or FiL’s work address.
Huge great strop from MiL - not sure whether wires have been crossed or she just didn’t listen when we clearly said about 10 million times we weren’t going back at all this year - but she’s assumed that we were going back for New Year.
Apparently we are selfish, we’ve ruined Christmas, I need to cancel my family’s visit as it’s not fair, etc
DH has spoken to her and been very firm that we are not going back but they are more than welcome to visit us.
I have absolutely no patience for any of this, she is a grown woman throwing a tantrum and I’ve had enough. She does this all the bloody time when she doesn’t get her own way over something so AIBU to say I am not visiting her again until she gets her backside down here to see us
SunshineAngel · 16/12/2019 12:00
People get very set in their ways about Christmas, and struggle when things change, such as when their kids grow up and want to spend it with their partner etc.
Sadly, you have to be firm, and just do what's right for you.
You have ruined Christmas at all. It sounds to me like you're about to have one of your best!
I wish I was strong enough to do what I wanted to at Christmas, instead of what my family expect me to. Good for you that you are :).
Time4change2018 · 16/12/2019 12:05
Enjoy your Christmas your way. Stay firm and don't get drawn into the dramatics.
Re not going back until they cone to you. That's a different argument which you may be making a rod for your back especially if you visit the local area to see your family.
Just do what feels right and enjoy having new boundaries..... I always reminder extended family who preach about visiting that the journey is the same to me as it is from me to them :-)
Honeyroar · 16/12/2019 12:06
Yanbu. I’d rather spend my Xmas with the dog and pony than her too! There’s a lot you could say, but probably the best thing to do is leave her stewing until she is calm enough and mature enough to apologise. And if she doesn’t then you’ve every excuse not to visit.
Ellybellyboo · 16/12/2019 12:16
Thanks all!
I have just completely run out of patience with her - actually I’ve run out of patience with just about everything at the moment, I’m knackered and was looking forward to 2 weeks off work with no stress, no long journeys and just chilling out
I’ve had years of this behaviour and I’ve had enough
We’ve never visited for New Year so god knows where she got that from
DH has been firm with her but it seems to go in one ear and out the other
Ellybellyboo · 16/12/2019 12:37
No, but they’ve always wanted to go back and visit family in previous years
DD1 has recently turned 18 and wants to go off with her mates more now - she’s going to the local cheesy nightclub Christmas and New Years eves. DD2 joined the local Bloodhounds this year
I’d have put my foot down years ago if they hadn’t
TopOftheNaughtyList · 16/12/2019 13:17
It annoys me to hear of these family members that never take turns to visit but expect it all their own way. I can't imagine doing that to my own DCs once they leave home. The fact they never visited when you were local makes it so much worse.
Good for you for making a stand this year and good to hear that you have a supportive DH who is being firm with his own parents. Grandparents have to accept that once their DGC grow up they have lives of their own and want to do things with their friends, as well as family, at Christmas.
Have a good one OP. Bacon sarnies on the beach sounds fabulous!
TheGardenFairy · 16/12/2019 13:43
Stick to your guns. If In laws really want to see you and DC they will make the effort to come to you at some point.
There comes a time in every family, especially when dc are teenagers and want to do their own thing, to stay home and have a quiet, relaxing family Christmas - without interference. Have a great Christmas 🥂🍾
Ellybellyboo · 16/12/2019 15:57
Thanks all!
We lucky in that we live a 10 minute walk from the beach so I’m looking forward to a nice walk, bacon sarnies then pop in the pub on the way back home.
Not having to do everything to other people’s timings, watching shit on TV that I want to watch - I can’t wait.
She’s messaged DH this afternoon to say that she’ll miss our children desperately and it won’t be Christmas without them.
She always spends Christmas Day with SiL - SiL is the golden child and her children are the golden grandchildren. Most of the year she couldn’t give a shit about our kids so I’m not overly sympathetic
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