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AIBU?

re MiL and visiting over Christmas

39 replies

Ellybellyboo · 16/12/2019 11:52

Sorry, another MiL and Christmas thread

12 years ago we moved 200ish miles away from the area we grew up.

At Christmas we’ve always travelled back to our families on Christmas Eve (they all live near each other still) and divided time between my family and DH’s and returned the day after Boxing Day

We’ve never had Christmas here so this year we decided we are staying home - we want to walk the dog and have bacon sarnies on the beach Christmas morning. DD2 has a pony and wants to see her Christmas Day, she also wants to go to the Boxing Day bloodhounds meet. DD1 is going out on the piss with her mates Christmas Eve and stuff like that

We told everyone up front as soon as Christmas talk started and have been clear ever since that we are staying here this year but everyone was more than welcome to come to us.

My parents and brother and SiL are coming down for a few days just after Christmas

MiL and Step-FiL have never visited us here (despite several invitations) and always spend Christmas Day with DH’s sister (we always saw them Boxing Day). They’re both fit and healthy, not elderly and both drive, although they never visited us when we lived 10 minutes away either

DH phoned her on Saturday - we were going to courier up a box of presents and he just wanted to check whether it would be best to send it to their home address or FiL’s work address.

Huge great strop from MiL - not sure whether wires have been crossed or she just didn’t listen when we clearly said about 10 million times we weren’t going back at all this year - but she’s assumed that we were going back for New Year.

Apparently we are selfish, we’ve ruined Christmas, I need to cancel my family’s visit as it’s not fair, etc

DH has spoken to her and been very firm that we are not going back but they are more than welcome to visit us.

I have absolutely no patience for any of this, she is a grown woman throwing a tantrum and I’ve had enough. She does this all the bloody time when she doesn’t get her own way over something so AIBU to say I am not visiting her again until she gets her backside down here to see us

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 17/12/2019 08:52

I live on the coast and no one is selling bacon butties on the beach Christmas morning.
I am clearly missing out here.

Countryescape · 17/12/2019 08:57

I’d say she’s clutching at straws and pretending you are coming at New Year serves a purpose for her. Don’t entertain this at all.

QueenofallIsee · 17/12/2019 09:19

Don’t fall for it, it’s all about them and them not having their own way. They do not give a shiny shit about your daughters and what they want.

Sahgah · 17/12/2019 09:27

You could be talking about me. Except I never get to see my family on Christmas as they are abroad.
We have never had Christmas in my own home with my children and I’m getting fed up of it. I want to be in my own bed and watch what I want on tv and have a Christmas dinner and food that is more like what I had growing up. I’m tired of always having Christmas there and if we dare stay at home they will all get upset and make a big thing about it.
I’m now starting to dislike Christmas and dread the whole thing.

georgialondon · 17/12/2019 09:30

Ignore her. If she really wants to see her GC she'll make the effort to visit! Never reward bad behaviour.

Ellybellyboo · 17/12/2019 09:40

Thanks all!

I am trying to ignore her, and definitely not giving in but it is beginning to get on my nerves

We have this from her quite regularly - a few months ago she wanted to book a family holiday next year but wanted to travel in term time. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than go on holiday with them, but DD1 would be in the middle of her A level exams. She made a huge song and dance about how unreasonable we were when we obviously refused

There’s always something and we always end up being cast as the bad guys. It does my head in

As for the bacon sarnies - a friend has a beach hut so we’ll be cooking our own - although, perhaps we could do a roaring trade with Christmas morning bacon sarnies Grin

OP posts:
ultrablue · 17/12/2019 10:00

Stick to your guns and stick to your plans. Why people have to guilt trip others for not doing what they want and then strop over it is just childish behaviour as for golden child chiming in etc none of her business.

This Christmas will realistically be the last one with my terminally ill Mom. She has chosen to spend it with her late friends family instead of us as she usually does. My sister is going to other friends.

I respect Moms decision and you don't see me guilt tripping her into spending it with us. X

strawberry2017 · 17/12/2019 10:01

Your kids are young adults and they have done this for years, time to do what they want now.
Stick to your guns and start putting your foot down more or it will never stop!
Love the bacon sandwiches on the beach idea!

Trottersindependenttraders · 17/12/2019 10:17

Another one saying ignore and crack on OP. I really need to take my own advice as we have similar with my Dad who guilts us every year and consequently I have spent every one of my 40 Christmasses with my parents. If I had the money, I'd have fled to Oz at least one of those years.

Anyways, bacon butties on the beach sound divine. A trip to the pub on the way back, yes please. Enjoy OP, press on through the guilts and keep your eyes on the prize which appears to me to be the perfect Christmas done on your own terms.

richteasandcheese · 17/12/2019 10:25

Well I'm coming for the cheesy nightclub, bacon sarnies and pony cuddles. Your MIL is obviously struggling with the realisation the world doesn't revolve round her!

Ellybellyboo · 17/12/2019 10:39

Thanks all!

I can’t actually wait. I have 2 weeks off work this year and I’m going to do fuck all.

It’s just really bloody annoying and I am so over being cast as the bad guy

I quite fancy the cheesy nightclub for New Years Eve although DD would be absolutely horrified if DH and I rocked up too 😂

OP posts:
lidoshuffle · 17/12/2019 11:16

Out of curiosity OP (I'm a townie) is a bloodhound meet where dogs track a human? Sounds a lot of fun! I'm imagining one smelling of bacon butties now!

Clangus00 · 17/12/2019 11:22

12 years and they’ve never visited you!
Crack on OP, crack on!

Ellybellyboo · 17/12/2019 11:41

@lidoshuffle yes. Dogs and horses follow a human with some cross country jumping thrown in. DD loves it but it scares the shot out of me

OP posts:
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