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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can´t stand know-it-all

92 replies

iceymonkey · 16/12/2019 10:23

Know-it-all is a school mum, And as the name says, she knows everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Once I have dropped DC1 and DC2 I usually stop to say hi to some mum friends and know-it-all is ALWAYS there. And she butts in any conversation I have with any of my other friends to reply on their behalf. Literally.

Imagine Jane is telling you about her new vacuum cleaner.(riveting I know) She interrupts to tell you literally product codes, prices and which one she bought. Or Mary went to the beautician to have her eyebrows done. Know-it-all interrupts Mary to tell everyone all about which face shapes suit certain eyebrow shapes.

She is an expert in every field, medicine, geography, law, education....if you have any questions, know-it-all will reply,and noone else can talk.

She also likes to analyse my baby who is happily sitting in her pram and give unwanted advice on her skin-clothes-nails-hair, ANYTHING.

AIBU to despise this woman? do you have a know-it-all in your life? I just like having a little chat with my other friends but she is ALWAYS there so I am starting to think its just not worth it.

OP posts:
dontcallmeduck · 16/12/2019 10:24
Biscuit
BreakfastAtLitanies · 16/12/2019 10:53

The product code thing made me think, could this woman be Autistic? Not trying to diagnose but it might be worth giving her benefit of doubt.

sqirrelfriends · 16/12/2019 11:14

I think I work with this woman.

Knows everything on very subject, even if she doesn't she will pretend she does and adds little tidbits to every conversation. Argh.

Original poster
iceymonkey · 16/12/2019 14:35

All I know is that outside the school mums she hasn't got any other friends...that´s why I feel a bit bad and wonder if IABU, but I was a little closer to her a few months back until I realised how bloody annoying she is, so I distanced myself.

She has just texted me some medical advice for DD because she heard me mention I was taking her to the doctors...wtf.

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/12/2019 14:52

I actually really enjoy people like this because theyre so ridiculous.

Turbo123 · 16/12/2019 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

messolini9 · 16/12/2019 14:58

I actually really enjoy people like this because theyre so ridiculous.

Exactly - if you can manage to put the constant low-level irritaion aside this is great advice for handling a KnowAll. For example -

She has just texted me some medical advice for DD because she heard me mention I was taking her to the doctors...wtf.
Text back -
"That's SO kind of you KnowAll! I will make sure I show the GP your text, & she's certain to be grateful for your help in her diagnostic & treatment decisions."

messolini9 · 16/12/2019 15:01

Ooops - unless KnowAll IS actually autistic. Sarcasm to people managing spectrum symptoms isn't kind ...

Brynssatnav · 16/12/2019 15:06

I work with one of these people. She knows it all, she knows it better than the boss, she's done everything to such a high professional standard nobody could possibly compete. Her child is better than yours. Whatever you may have done in your life she's done it better. I'm sure it comes from a place of insecurity but it's so annoying. I just inwardly roll my eyes.

NoNewsisGood · 16/12/2019 15:08

No other adult human interaction so over the top when given a chance? May be better in a 1:1 environment where she's less stressed about trying to 'impress'. Did she have a job before that used her brain a lot and now, as soon as there's a chance to use it, it goes into overdrive? She doesn't have a lot else going on maybe so overly invested and desperate for conversation. Possibly also some ASD trait there. Be nice, try and guide her in conversation (gently and kindly) about what's expected and maybe ask her some questions so she doesn't need to interrupt to have a go at speaking (not saying she doesn't get a turn, just that maybe you are the only adults she speaks to all day, so she has a lot to say perhaps). Even suggest a coffee and let her just talk at you until she stops (or the hour is up!) as she may calm down after that.

Thinking could be ASD more actually as the medical info is less know-it-all and more trying to help you so over-empathetic and too familiar for the relationship you have.

Be nice to her, we've all had a shit time at some point in parenthood...plus, we all need a know it all at some point in our lives as they can actually be quite helpful if they know something you need/want to know. I have a similar friend, but he's more likely to spot if my child had severe symptoms of something than me as he'd have memorised them after reading them once and stored them away Grin

GoatCheeseTart · 16/12/2019 15:14

I posted about a colleague I have some time ago. He told me how old my friends's child is. A child I know since he was born. He has never met said child, has just seen a photo of the child, but knew better than me.

BradTomby · 16/12/2019 15:18

This is my SIL, new boiler, she knows everything about them.
A specific college course that you know the local college doesn't run, she will argue black is blue that they do run that course, she knows as she has seen people there doing it (despite never having been to the college ever!)

Building regs? yes she knows all about them.
Points of law? yup shes the expert who can advise you and you should ignore what the solicitor has told you.

On and on it goes with her. I just nod my head and let it flow over me now.

BarkandCheese · 16/12/2019 15:20

She doesn’t sound like the kind of know it all type who thinks they’re massively superior to others, she sounds more like she’s socially awkward and is joining in with conversations by throwing in the things she knows about the the subjects rather than reading the situation and responding to what others are actually saying. Yes, it’s annoyingly but she possibly can’t help it, so cut her slack.

She probably is quite intelligent and does know her stuff, she just doesn’t get that an offhand comment about needing a haircut isn’t an invitation to give a lecture about the history of women’s hair styles.

selmabear · 16/12/2019 15:27

YANBU for not liking her. A close family friend is like this. An absolute know it all. Drives my mother batty. She went on holiday with him and his wife and she said he pretty much ruined their holiday with his know it all attitude to everything. Do what my mother does and just switch off when she starts with her verbal diarrhoea.

FrivolousPancake · 16/12/2019 15:35

🙄 nobody can just be a twat anymore, they always have to be diagnosed on here.

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/12/2019 15:42

Not BU to not like her OP but have you actually spoken to her about the facts you find her rude/difficult? I think I'd have at least said that I appreciated the thought re: the medical advice but it is a private matter and I will discuss it with a GP.

I agree with the sentiment that she sounds like she has difficulties with socialising, and it's a shame that she has no other friends, clearly she wants to be involved.

Tricky one OP but I'd try to be kind where it's possible and firmly remove yourself from her efforts to be involved with you if you dont want them.

midsomermurderess · 16/12/2019 15:47

Pancake, absolutely. I have just read a poster diagnose someone's mother as having an undiagnosed and untreatable personality disorder. Despite having met neither party. She's at it everywhere, every bloody day. Armchair amateur psychology of the worst kind.

TheNavigator · 16/12/2019 15:48

Pity me - this is my sister. She is an expert on everything. Literally everything. My DH always jokes how helpful it is that we always have an expert on hand. She will explain my job to me (she hasn't worked outside the home for over 20 years) and knows about absolutely everything. And will go on about it. Loudly. At length. On and On. And is impossible to shame or shut up.

CanIHaveADrink · 16/12/2019 15:49

Is she right? I mean, when she buts in, is whatever sh eis saying actually right?

I agree, she sounds autistic to me.

NotSorry · 16/12/2019 15:54

In our family we call these people IBE's - instant bleeding experts

Thesuzle · 16/12/2019 16:02

IBE’s. Excellent, i shall pinch that one and use it re my sister in law

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/12/2019 16:12

dontcallmeduck.. Why the Biscuit? Are you the know it all woman?

TheNavigator · 16/12/2019 16:12

I agree, she sounds autistic to me.

Oh look - another expert. Pray tell your qualifications and knowledge base for diagnosing a stranger through the means of an internet chat forum?

My sister is not autistic, she is a pain in the arse. And of course she isn't right - she is a middle aged housewife so she is hardly going to be an expert on every bloody thing - even things I do regularly and am handsomely paid for doing. But yeah, she knows more than me. As she will tell everyone. At length.

Suchamess123 · 16/12/2019 16:14

I hate that bloody biscuit thing, it's so rude and unnecessary. I expect I'll get one after this post.

RhymingRabbit3 · 16/12/2019 16:16

Even if she is autistic, does that mean the OP isn't allowed to find it annoying?
OP could you just listen to what she says, not respond, and then ask the question again to the person you were originally addressing.

You: Jane what do you think of XYZ?
Know all: gives her opinion.
You: Ok. Jane what do you think of XYZ?