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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what have been the best times and times of your life?has life peaked?

38 replies

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 09:43

Feeling like it's been awfully long since I had some of the best times and wondering if I peaked and that's it.
Best times;
Meeting my husband and marrying him
Passing my driving test, 5th time lucky!
Having my kids
Watching my mum with my kids
Travelling with my husband before kids
Buying our home
Buying a decent car

Worst times
Losing my gran
Watching my mum struggle to feed 5 kids all alone while going hungry herself to enable this
Being groomed by older man who I thought I was in a relationship with(the shame of it all haunts me 30 years later)
Living with the fear my kids have a genetic disorder which they have symptoms for but drs havent been able to diagnose
The realisation my son was Autistic and its turned out severe with severe learning disabilities.
Struggling through most of the above mostly myself and dealing with mental health breakdown it has all caused.
Watching my little brother being heartbroken and completely change after his marriage breakdown.

My bad times definitely seem to outweigh my good times and the bad times have prevailed.

OP posts:
DDIJ · 16/12/2019 09:45

This reply has been withdrawn

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WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 09:47

@ddij sorry to hear that
I feel like my worst times started and have never stopped.

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rosydreams · 16/12/2019 11:52

i feel like i am over the biggest hill

low points

i was born dead leaving me with lifetime problems.
Needed physio till 11 for cerebral palsy
we were poor my father went through tips for our toys/food
when i hit my teens my father had a breakdown
my mother could not cope alone
i was beaten when she lost her temper
poor education could not go to uni
mother died had to live with my mentally ill father
he threw stuff and swore at me
poor job prospects
long term unemployed
anxiety
death after family death including my sisters suicide
my other half repeatedly being ripped off and treated like garbage from employers
made homeless
daughters slow development

high points

i survived
i over came my physio came out other side not needing a walker
after my father i finally got a home of my own from the council
i started to find my feet
i met my other half
we were poor but we were together
i had my first daughter
although he had years of poor jobs he finally got a halfway decent job
got the right meds
in temporary accommodation i was able to find work
i got pregnant second child
we finally got a council home suitable for our family
stability

Now although we have gone through hardship ,we have clawed through it.Having a stable home near daughters school and a reliable income meanings we can finally start finding our feet.We are paying off debts slowly but surely and the children are provided for.We can have cheap camping holidays and nice christmas .What i have learnt life is a hard slog you really have to claw your way out the crap or you will forever be drowning in it there is one person you can truly rely on yourself

Afternooninthepark · 16/12/2019 12:06

I feel the same and now, at 46 it does seem like the good ole days are a distant memory but I think maybe that is just life?
My high points have been
Having a great childhood especially through the 80’s which, for me, were the best of all times.
Meeting my husband at 16
Having lovely parents and grandparents
Having my beautiful children
Having good friends
Having a warm and comfortable home and nice food on the table

Low points:-
Suffering from overwhelming anxiety and depression most of my adult life which is progressively getting worse
Having IBS which again is getting worse
Losing my grandparents (we are a small family and that was hard on us all)
Having to watch our poor little 4 year old niece die from a brain tumour (life is very unfair at times)
My MIL suffering from a nasty illness which will eventually kill her
Watching my mum slowly lose her mind and dignity to Alzheimer’s
Watching my dad struggling to cope with my mum with her Alzheimer’s and knowing I will need to do more and more to help in the future and that scares the shit out of me as I am not mentally strong.

I am starting to feel that life gets tougher as you get older.

SapphosRock · 16/12/2019 12:54

My highs and lows seem to happen simultaneously.

In my 20s I was having the time of my life living in Ibiza and partying with lots of great friends but had never been in love, had no money and my mental health wasn't great.

Now I have a lovely partner and DD, have enough money and my life is full of love but my DM no longer recognises me (Alzheimer's) and I'm constantly exhausted. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed an evening out with friends.

I try and have always have something to look forward to like a holiday to ensure the lows outweigh the highs

Soulsista14 · 16/12/2019 13:14

My life has gradually improved over the years, but I can’t help but think that retirement will be when life peaks.

AliceAbsolum · 16/12/2019 13:27

I feel like I have big highs and big lows. But they may just be my ego.

Lows:
Abusive parents left me with severe PTSD and mental health issues.
Abusive first boyfriend left me with PTSD and mental health issues.
Tried to kill myself quite a few times over the years, I've known horror like I'd not wish on anyone.
Went to therapy and the therapist started to abuse me after 3.5 years.
Husband was a drug addict and I had to cope with him nearly dying multiple times.
4 years of infertility. We had 3 cycles of ivf and it worked on the final round. I miscarried last week.

Highs:
I was supported enough to go to uni and I work quite high up in the NHS.
Husband got help, got sober, got fit, got a great job. He is so supportive, he's the love of my life.
I learnt a lot in my suffering and now have a good work/life balance. I run, have lots of support, and coping skills.
I have a house, a car, a cat, I live in the UK.

It's so up and down. I never know what to think.

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 19:49

@rosydreams good your lows made me cry why so much suffering for just one person,I dont know you but it really made me feel such deep sympathy for you and want to wish you a life of pure happiness xx

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WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 19:52

@AliceAbsolum
"I've known horror like I'd not wish on anyone"
God love you,made me feel heartbroken reading that line.im so sorry life has been so unkind to you my fellow human being ,you sound incredibly strong and how you've turned things around leaves me with utter admiration xxx

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Felicitycity · 16/12/2019 19:55

Good for you OP for putting all the goid stuff first even though you're having a hard time. Shows such positivity.

Felicitycity · 16/12/2019 19:56

Good not goid!

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 19:57

@Afternooninthepark
"I am starting to feel that life gets tougher as you get older."
This very point is how I feel
I feel how can you be through it all then have what is regarded as a nice life materialistically but have such deep anxiety and depression on a raging level that you aren't happy.i feel like my good things,my kids husband house are all tainted and cause me as much unhappiness as happiness.

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ParkheadParadise · 16/12/2019 20:04

Best times
Birth of my dd's
Meeting DH, it totally changed my life.

Worst times
The death of my dd. I can still remember so clearly opening the door to 3 police officers.
Being taken to the mortuary feeling absolutely numb.
Watching the evil bastard who murdered my Dd walked free on a NOT PROVEN verdict.
My mum having to go into a care home. I was heartbroken. Sitting with her as she took her last breath.

cptartapp · 16/12/2019 20:11

Best times:
Years of clubbing and drinking with great mates
Getting married and having my two DC
Family holidays, lucky to have had very many of them, the absolute best times. Now teens, am very aware these times are running out

Worst times:
Losing my DF aged 54 after a chronic illness
Losing my DM aged 69 in a car accident
Having no family I ever see now, aged 44

Am saving hard and plan to retire early after years of nursing. Will be more than ready to go. I don't want to wait to do anything anymore. Life has taught me we might not get tomorrow. Am very fortunate in a lot of ways.

MiniMum97 · 16/12/2019 20:15

Best times - raving during the 90s. Meeting my DH.

Worst times - watching my DS struggle at school for years with undiagnosed Aspergers. My battle with my mental and physical health. The last few years have been particularly difficult but think I am coming out the other side.

missyB1 · 16/12/2019 20:20

Best times
Meeting Dh when I was 37 then marrying him and having ds at 41.
The wonderful holidays we’ve had as a family.
Living in New Zealand for 6 months.
Getting our wonderful dog.

Worst times.
Being diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2016
Dh being diagnosed with a Brain Tumour in 2018.
Losing my mum this year.

CakeandCustard28 · 16/12/2019 20:23

Bad times -
Miscarriaged triplets late in pregnancy.
The triplets funeral, attempted to kill myself a week later and nearly managed to.
Being told my eldest DC has autism and ADHD which impacts his learning massively.
Being diagnosed with a life long chronic illness.
Getting addicted to drugs.
Being diagnosed with severe depression and anietxy.

The good times:

Meeting my DH.
The birth of my two healthy DCs.
Passing my driving test, despite being terrified of motor ways and lorries. (Still avoid them now ten years on!)
Being clean off drugs for nearly three years now Smile.
Slowly doing councelising and dealing with the death of the triplets and managing my depression.

Basically had some crap times but the good out weighs the bad.

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 20:25

@ParkheadParadise I'm so very sorry that you have suffered such devastating losses.utterly heartbreaking.how that person can live with themselves and walk free without punishment after doing that to your daughter is beyond the realms of evil.i believe one day they will have to pay.i wish you well and the best of life and hope true happiness reaches your soul once againxxx

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Sotiredofthislife · 16/12/2019 20:26

High Points

Going to university.
Travelling
Living abroad
Independence
Having children

Low Points

Realising my husband was having an affair
Years and years of unsupported single parenting
The responsibility of a dementia ridden parent
Son’s diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 20:31

@missyB1 I'm so sorry for your terrible times ,and for the loss of your mum, how horrible for you.
So many of these posts have broke my heart,human suffering is excruciating,I wish you all much joy and peace.

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doesjonsnowneedadirewolf · 16/12/2019 20:38

My heart breaks reading some of these life stories. Love and strength to you all. Xx

DM1209 · 16/12/2019 20:43

High points:

Leaving home.

Meeting my ex-husband.

Having my 3 children.

Surviving the breakdown of my marriage due to cheating.

Becoming a law graduate while being a full time single mum to 3 children under the age of 7 with no family support.

Starting my career off and LOVING it.

The first time I was in a Court room.

Becoming completely independent.

Buying my very nice car outright.

Becoming fit and healthy.

Meeting my partner who makes me feel alive and like I'm the most beautiful and wonderful woman on this planet.

Low points:

Losing contact with all of my maternal and paternal family when I left home at 18 due to violent abuse and torture, perpetrated by my Mum from my youngest years, right through to the day that I left. Their choice to never speak to me again, and I am better off without them, but it hurts that I mattered so little.

3 miscarriages.

Finding out my ex-husband was having an affair.

The effect on my then 6 year old DD when her Dad left.

Realising that my ex-husband had only agreed to having children because it was what I wanted and he now is not a present and engaged parent, bar once a month for 2 hours, his choice.

Learning that Sugar Puffs will never be the same again after their 'healthy overhaul'.

That's a pretty eventful life considering I'm only 39, I'm sure there are many more events to come.

DM1209 · 16/12/2019 20:45

This thread is full of so many strong and brave people, it's humbling to read.

Sending courage to you all.

ParkheadParadise · 16/12/2019 21:03

Learning that Sugar Puffs will never be the same again after their 'healthy overhaul'.
@DM1209
Me too

WhatAMum01 · 16/12/2019 21:08

@DM1209 you sound pretty amazing.ive toyed with studying law but after so many years being a sahm and not being in any education I feel at 39 that ship has sailed.wish I'd been braver and stronger and not so bogged down with my problems and worries.
Lol to the sugar puffs!a child of the 80s,like you, I completely get it!

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