MIL driving me up the wall!!

[Andersonx3]

So my husband and I have a 4 week old baby. She's amazing, so easy and lovely. Other than the lack of sleep, we're doing really well. She's our first baby and I think we're picking it up!

My MIL loves DD to bits, always wants to see her which is lovely. This is the AIBU bit - it was our first wedding anniversary yesterday, and we were more than happy to have a relaxed day at home with DD and our dog, plenty of snacks and then a takeout for dinner. MIL has spent ALL of last week texting both of us and calling us asking if we want DD looking after so we can go out. I understand it's a lovely gesture and on first offer we politely declined and said we are happy to relax at home (more than happy). As she continued to offer we politely reminded her that DD is exclusively breastfed, feeding on demand and going through a growth spurt therefore we wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her whilst we were out as I wouldn't know how much milk she would need, she might have 1 small feed or she might have 3 huge feeds. MIL couldn't seem to understand and kept insisting on us 'having a break'. We don't wish for one - we'd much rather keep the offer for when we do wish for a break. I'm getting so irritated with her not listening to us! She's never handled a newborn - she adopted both of her sons, which also makes me a little apprehensive to leave DD with her whilst we go out until we've spent a decent amount of time all together for her to get to grips with feeds/nappy changes etc. AIBU to be annoyed by her persistence?! For reference, we stayed in and had an Indian whilst DD napped

One more - Christmas cards. We're making our own and sending them out, but because it's the 16th and they've not been sent yet, she's written some up for us and sent them out on our behalf so now we can't send our own. Nearly flipped my lid when she text me to tell me.

Sorry for the essay!!

I think MILs (and mums) would do much better if they said 'i'd really like to help look after baby grandchild,' rather than insisting that the parents need a break. Personally I didn't need or want a break at all, so the constant insistence that I must be desperately in need of one was irritating and unhelpful (also impossible as the baby was feeding every hour for quite a while). It led to me saying 'no thanks I don't need a break ' rather than 'of course you can come over and spend time with your grandchild '. I think grandparents need to be reasonable - biologically many mums are not going to want to leave very young babies for any length of time - but after the first few months there are many years to have one to one time and sole charge etc.

I agree. But I think in the majority of cases the DIL doesn’t say anything but comes to MN to vent at how annoying her MIL is in keep asking to have the baby, when all that’s needed is her ( or her DH ) talking time MIL to say that they aren’t ready to leave the baby yet but when they are they will let her know.

Talking is key.

My MIL bought a Father's Day card for my husband from our baby son WITHOUT BEING ASKED - I was bloody livid!! Such a personal thing that I was so looking forward to doing - especially as we'd fought long & hard to have our son!! For reference, he was born a few weeks before Father's Day & I was more than able to get out & about!!

The card thing is bizarre. As someone pointed out, she could have offered, it sounds like she sees them a lot, but even then it’s bizarre because it’s not a card from them. To me it does sound like she is being Head Mum.
Again offering to look after the baby on their anniversary = kind and thoughtful; continuing to push it after being told no; overbearing and annoying.

OP one “No thank you, thanks for offering but no” and then ignore.

Shame about the stupid adoption comment, it was crass but doesn’t change the advice.