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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for words of encouragement before work today.

45 replies

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:01

Sat here, half dressed, feeling absolutely sick to the stomach about going into work today.
We had our office Christmas party on Saturday and it is looking like I am not the most well liked person there - my colleague made this quite clear.
I have only been employed since the end of August therefore still on probation.
I've tried and tried to fit in with the team, staying out of any office gossip and generally trying to be a decent person to work with.
I am now terrified that some people's personal view of me are going to get me sacked before my probation ends in Feb.
I'm probably going to get told to man up and grow some balls but I am just dreading going in. Knowing I'm not liked is fucking awful.
AIBU? Or WWYD?

OP posts:

pinkpantsrock · 16/12/2019 07:04

The person who told you this, is probably feeling pretty shit as well.....

ways to deal with it.

own it. Walk up to person with cuppa, say i understand you don't like me, can we have a chat to resolve this so we can all move on with our life's and remain professional. We can't always like everyone but i don't want this to effect the work place.
pretend it never happened
find a new job

ChampagneCommunist · 16/12/2019 07:06

That's a crap feeling, but, on the plus side you didn't dance naked on the table and snog your boss at the party (I am assuming!).

Some people are just awful for no reason. Kill them with kindness.

Original poster

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:06

@pinkpantsrock thank you for the advice. Think I may go for your first point and ask her outright. I want to avoid office drama as much as poss but tackling it head on might work.

OP posts:

Trews2019 · 16/12/2019 07:07

What was actually said?

Original poster

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:08

@ChampagneCommunist I sorta wish I'd have danced naked on the table! At least then people would just think I'm a raging idiot but still potentially like me haha

OP posts:

BigcatLittlecat · 16/12/2019 07:08

Or you could just kill her with kindness? That can be very effective?
But go in head held high you did nothing wrong!

TopOftheNaughtyList · 16/12/2019 07:09

In what way did this colleague "make it clear" and do you think it's just that one colleague or do others possibly not like you?

Loopytiles · 16/12/2019 07:10

So one person said some stuff? Consider her motivation for doing that.

She’s the one who should feel bad.

If anything she said about your behaviours rang true/ hit a nerve, work on that. You can’t do anything about other people’s stuff.

itgetshardereveryday · 16/12/2019 07:13

What was actually said and in what way could their opinion of you get you sacked?

Original poster

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:15

I can't go into detail for fear of being outed. But this person basically said the office environment has recently turned very uncomfortable since I started.
Which I'm massively confused about because I keep myself to myself and crack on with my work...unless I've said something and it has been interpreted wrong maybe? I just cannot put my finger on it! A couple of other things were said about me as a person.
I don't know what I've done to cause this.

OP posts:

Flightsoffancy · 16/12/2019 07:17

Don't let one person's seemingly spiteful comments get to you. Who the hell lets someone else know they're not liked?! What is their motivation? Ignore it completely. They will be delighted at any reaction you give. Go in and carry on as normal - don't confront it, there is no point, you'll just feed the beast. Smile, get your head down and work, then go home at the end of the day, that's all you have to do. It sounds like you have taken a very sensible attitude to your new job so far, so keep up the good work and maintain the higher ground. Then go home, have a huge gin and call a friend who does like you. Good luck, keep going. These things are not easy but you can do it.

MarchBorn · 16/12/2019 07:17

What you can’t do is take the day off, even though it would add fuel to the fire and wouldn’t achieve anything in the long run. Can I ask how this came up, was it one person making comments or a group situation? The dynamics of how the situation came about would make a difference to how I handled it.

Loopytiles · 16/12/2019 07:21

Why would she say that other than for negative reasons?

Do you even believe her?

Loopytiles · 16/12/2019 07:22

Also, why are you assuming you’ve done something, rather than this being about her?

Original poster

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:27

The first comment was said to me by a different girl (the two girls in question are very good friends). I just smiled and carried on the evening as normal despite internally raging.
I was then chatting to the other girl (who said the "uncomfortable" comment). I got the impression they'd had a good laying into me behind my back before I go there.
Sorry I'm being so vague, if I could go into detail I would!

OP posts:

XXXXXX42 · 16/12/2019 07:27

Wow, that is really unprofessional. I’ve worked with plenty of people over the years that I haven’t personally gelled with. I would NEVER let it be known.

I think your colleague was totally out of line and I would definitely not fail someone’s probation for “changing the office dynamic” even if that is true. I would be having serious words with one of my team if they said this to a noob though.

I would go to your manager and say that after some things said at the Xmas party you are feeling a bit uncomfortable and worried about your probation and get some reassurance.

Original poster

bluesteakandcheese · 16/12/2019 07:30

@Flightsoffancy thank you. I will definitely treat myself to a large gin at 5pm!

Also @XXXXXX42 thank you for the advice. If my manager is in today I think I may speak to her.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 16/12/2019 07:30

So the two of them have taken against you and decided to say these things, for negative reasons. Doesn’t indicate anything about you or what others think about you.

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/12/2019 07:30

Is she your line manager? If not then don't give it a second thought.

jewel1968 · 16/12/2019 07:32

My guess is they are feeling threatened by you. I am guessing that you are very good at your job and it makes them look bad. Any possibility I am right?

EugenesAxe · 16/12/2019 07:37

I would go to your manager and say that after some things said at the Xmas party you are feeling a bit uncomfortable and worried about your probation and get some reassurance.

I think this is great advice. It’s possible you’ve changed the dynamic by having some quality they are jealous of. If it’s empty words, your boss can reassure you and deal with the troublemakers.

Isadora2007 · 16/12/2019 07:37

If you can speak to your manager you could suggest some kind of resolution meeting as you wouldn’t want to impact negatively on the atmosphere of the office/team. Be proactive and use words like concerned rather than upset perhaps? So it doesn’t sound like you are going to the manger to complain so much as to ask for help to fix any issues.
Good luck. It sounds like it’s them rather than you!

NearlyGranny · 16/12/2019 07:37

Why would a colleague say something like that? It's negative, unhelpful and almost certainly untrue! Even if the atmosphere has changed - which I bet it hasn't - there could be a dozen reasons why, all of them unconnected with you.

Perhaps this person has a friend or relative who applied unsuccessfully for the job you got. Perhaps they are a nasty piece of work who has a dig at everyone new. Who knows? Don't take it to heart. They are not your line manager, are they?

I would be having a word with your line manager about it, not disclosing the colleague's name. I bet your manager will know in a flash who it was. And I bet they will tell you you are doing just fine.

If there was an issue, you would have been told through official channels by now, and be being supported to improve your performance if necessary.

I don't think you have anything to worry about but I do think every office has someone who loves to make trouble!

ballsdeep · 16/12/2019 07:38

What absolute bitches. You shouldn't feel awful about going in today, they should feel ashamed.
I usually find comments like this root from jealously.

Shelby2010 · 16/12/2019 07:38

Sounds like she’s talking bollocks. How is the atmosphere in the office - are people friendly to you, offer you a cup of tea when they get one? Do you take your turn with any office ‘chores’? Because at the end of the day it’s a job not a social club.

I would go in & behave exactly as you would normally. If you want to take it further then speak to the most friendly person about what nasty person said. It may be that whoever you replaced was very loud or outgoing and therefore things are quieter with less slacking off now?

Chin up, it will be fine!

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