Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To do a pared down Christmas day

32 replies

Holymolymackerel · 15/12/2019 20:01

Feeling pissed off with db, sil and ex sil.

I have invited my db, dm, sil, and nephews and niece for Christmas day. For the first time since my db and ex sil split up, exsil is allowing my db to have the 3 kids for Christmas day, picking them up at 11am.

My dm is so excited because she'll be spending the day with her grandchildren for the first time in 8 years also my dc are chuffed because they'll see their cousins, we don't see them often because exsil rules and they live 45 mins away. No other cousins as dh an only and his parents are passed as is my ddad.

Got games organised, borrowed extra crockery, bought extra cookware to accommodate. All the food is going to cost a fortune. (Low earners)

Now it has transpired they are leaving at 4pm because exsil wants the kids back by 5pm. I said to db cant you put your foot down and ask for longer, it's the first time in 8 years and he said no because anyway new sil wants to get back to her dogs.

Dm is upset now, dd is gutted she wont have much time with d cousins, dh is fuming because of all the work and cost. Db is selfish and despite being much more well off than us, he is a miser with his time for dm and leaves everything to me including financially helping her. I only invited them all for my dm and dd.

Should I just do chicken nuggets and oven chips? Rescind the invite? Carry on regardless?

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/12/2019 20:08

Make the most of what you have. The better it goes the more bridges you build.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 15/12/2019 20:11

They will still be there for four hours so the length of the visit is not an enormous deal in and of itself surely? Seems more about your DB being selfish and tight, not sure why you would spoil your DCs' and DNs' Christmas Day as a result?

Snuffkindle · 15/12/2019 20:14

I would imagine it's a huge deal for your ex sil.not to have her kids for Christmas day. Can you imagine how crap that will be for her? If your brothers happy to get them home to her then why can't you be? Don't see why you have to ruin their Christmas dinner over a few hours less.

Havaina · 15/12/2019 20:18

I would pare it down as food shouldn't cost a fortune, making you struggle. I would still do the basics (turkey and trimmings) but no fancy things like ready made starters and pricey desserts and crackers.

georgialondon · 15/12/2019 20:23

I think this is a strange thing for you to get upset about. It's nothing to do with you.

HotPenguin · 15/12/2019 20:24

Don't stir, it's not for you to interfere in how long your nieces and nephews are away on Xmas day. You, your kids and your DM can still carry on the festivities after they gave gone home.

cushioncovers · 15/12/2019 20:27

It's disappointing but I think you've just got to suck it up and enjoy the time you have together as a family.

As far as food costs go could you ask family to bring a dessert or some wine?

AdaColeman · 15/12/2019 20:27

Is your DB not contributing anything to Christmas Day then?

Piixxiiee · 15/12/2019 20:30

Carry on as normal, do Christmas dinner earlier and put a positive spin on it for dc and all involved.

Original poster

Holymolymackerel · 15/12/2019 20:33

AdaColeman

No, nothing at all despite him being much more wealthier than me and dm.

OP posts:

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 15/12/2019 20:34

Just do a normal roast, at the moment Tesco have 2.5kg of potatoes, kilo of carrots, bag of parsnips all for 29p each, even get a chicken rather than a Turkey if you want. Tell DB and DM they are in charge of drinks and desserts, enjoy seeing your dd with her cousins even if it's for a few hours.

Beautiful3 · 15/12/2019 20:34

I honestly think 5 hours is enough time together. Also if she has a dog at home, he will need feeding and walking. I would still do a turkey dinner.

Dollymixture22 · 15/12/2019 20:38

You have time for a family meal and some family time. Make the most of it - why would you punish he children with a rubbish Christmas dinner?

But, Christmas dinner doesn’t need to cost a fortune - turkey or chicken, potatoes and veg. Don’t overspend, but don’t give them chicken nuggets and chips. They would remember it for the rest Of their lives.

user1493413286 · 15/12/2019 20:40

It’s still 4 hours; I think that’s probably plenty of time to have people over for to be honest.
Him not contributing to the meal is out of order but I’d just ask him to bring certain things so he can’t get out of it.

Whatsername177 · 15/12/2019 20:42

I'd do a Sunday lunch with pigs in blankets. Ask dm if she will bring a bottle and db/sil to provide the pudding. If you want a starter - I don't usually bother- prawn cocktail is cheap - use frozen prawns. Paring it back doesn't mean scrapping it completely.

Darbs76 · 15/12/2019 20:43

Think about the mum not seeing her kids on Christmas Day. Totally reasonable she wants the kids back.
Tell your brother to bring something. Guess he’s the type who just needs telling.

Namechanger23455 · 15/12/2019 20:44

Four hours is a lot, instead of being miserable be grateful for what you have. Given that he’s never had any time at all this is so much better than nothing at all!

Whatsername177 · 15/12/2019 20:45

Also, imagine your dns going back to their mum and telling her they didn't get a Christmas dinner. She would never let your db have the kids again. As frustrating as his time restrictions are, I don't think he'd forgive you for that.

AudacityOfHope · 15/12/2019 20:53

What a weird attitude!

Merry Christmas niece and nephew! We were going to have a traditional Christmas dinner but what with you only being here four hours I've got nuggets in the oven.

Daisy7654 · 15/12/2019 21:02

You'll have 4 hours together. Thats plenty of time.
Their mother will want to see them on Christmas day.
Especially if this is the first time she's been without them for Xmas in 8 years. Have some compassion.
You sound awful.

RoonyTunes · 15/12/2019 21:03

I would imagine your db is afraid that if he asks for more his ex will end up saying they can’t come at all. It is annoying but there is really no reason why you should change your plans for lunch, it could be a long time before they sit at your table for Christmas again.

Original poster

Holymolymackerel · 15/12/2019 21:06

Yes points taken. I shall do a proper lunch fo them, not fair the kids miss out.

I'm just disappointed for dm and my dc. I am cross with sil for putting her dogs ahead of a family Christmas and exsil for not accepting that you take turns with the dad when you are divorced as much as that hurts. And db for not pulling his weight and helping me to care for our elderly dm.

OP posts:

Daisy7654 · 15/12/2019 21:12

Can't you get your brother to financially contribute? He probably doesn't realise or doesn't want to offend by offering.
In a lot of families it doesn't need to be like guests-can be more family like. If my richer brother was staying Christmas day he'd transfer £500 just for food expenses and be very 'no worries' about it.
I'd ask your DB for £200 for Xmas day expenses.

hidinginthenightgarden · 15/12/2019 21:14

I think its a bit sad that they will be in the swing of it when the kids have to head home but if you were a single parent you wouldn't be so quick to judge a mother who is clearly struggling at the thought of xmas without her kids.

SparkyBlue · 15/12/2019 21:23

Honestly I don't see the issue. They will have plenty of time with you and they will also get to spend the evening with their mum. My parents come to us on Christmas Day and probably spend a similar amount of time here as they like their evening at home in their own house.

Flip

1 2