To do a pared down Christmas day

[Holymolymackerel]

Feeling pissed off with db, sil and ex sil.

I have invited my db, dm, sil, and nephews and niece for Christmas day. For the first time since my db and ex sil split up, exsil is allowing my db to have the 3 kids for Christmas day, picking them up at 11am.

My dm is so excited because she'll be spending the day with her grandchildren for the first time in 8 years also my dc are chuffed because they'll see their cousins, we don't see them often because exsil rules and they live 45 mins away. No other cousins as dh an only and his parents are passed as is my ddad.

Got games organised, borrowed extra crockery, bought extra cookware to accommodate. All the food is going to cost a fortune. (Low earners)

Now it has transpired they are leaving at 4pm because exsil wants the kids back by 5pm. I said to db cant you put your foot down and ask for longer, it's the first time in 8 years and he said no because anyway new sil wants to get back to her dogs.

Dm is upset now, dd is gutted she wont have much time with d cousins, dh is fuming because of all the work and cost. Db is selfish and despite being much more well off than us, he is a miser with his time for dm and leaves everything to me including financially helping her. I only invited them all for my dm and dd.

Should I just do chicken nuggets and oven chips? Rescind the invite? Carry on regardless?

How long were you expecting them to stay! I'd have thought 11-4 is more than long enough?

If they've got dogs then they can't leave them for more than a few hours, unless you want them to bring the dogs with them?

I have family coming on Christmas day, arriving at 12pm and I'm hoping they go home by 5...

Yeah tbh how long do you want them there? Don't you just wanna chill later on?..you have made this into a massive thing tbh maybe the kids want to eke day time with their mum as well Xmas day, it's not about you. And if you couldn't afford it you shouldn't have agreed to do it? Or asked people to chip in.

Also you can't blame ex sil as your dB has said he wants to get back fit the dogs anyway! So wouldn't have made a difference.

Those kids will probably want their mum too after spending every Christmas with her (rightly or wrongly). Jus have a lovely meal together and then have a nice leftovers tea later.

I don't understand why them not spending more than 5hrs with you has turned into a "shall I be spiteful and do less" post.

Do less because your brother should be asked to contribute, sure. It because you genuinely haven't the time or £s.

But your ex sil has given over the best part of Christmas day in the afternoon & dinner this year, and she'll only see them after the excitement has gone and tiredness kicks in.

You don't know the dynamics of your brother and his ex, unless you know more facts than us contained in your op. Your post is dripping with disdain for ex sil.

It's like you think those kids purpose is to bolster your mum and kids.. they aren't there to do that. It's their Christmas too, and your ex sil too. And people shouldn't stop being responsible dog owners just because it's Christmas day.

It's almost like you want the kids to entertain yours and your mum, and fuck to anyone else getting their "share" of the kids, fuck the dog.

You sound very selfish emotionally.

To be honest, OP, I'd openly ask my brother to contribute if I were you. Either to bring food or give you £££. Normally I'm against such a thing, but if he's wealthy and you're struggling, he's coming to your house and bringing 3 kids with him, plus you're doing all the cooking (and paying for it all) - it would be a decent thing of him to offer. And if he's not offering - I'd just ask. It's not fair you're doing everything and are bankrupting yourself in the process.

And for what it's worth I don't think you're being selfish, but try to put yourself in your ex-sil's shoes. Imagine spending Christmas without your kids. That's sad. So 4 hours is not unreasonable, this way you both get a 'share'. And it would be mean not to feed the kids a proper festive meal. None of this is their fault at all, they are kids (but their dad should contribute!).

Someone upthread mentioned that OP is selfish not to care about ex-sil's dog. Seriously???? Why on earth would she care about someone's fucking dog, don't be ridiculous. Not everyone is stupidly mad about dogs, you know.