MIL going in our bedroom

[Wynteriscoming]

So MIL came to stay the night, the next day we had to leave before she did so she was left alone in our house because she didn't want to rush to leave at the same time as us - fair enough.

The previous day, before she arrived, the house was a bit of a mess as it had been a busy week so I was rushing around cleaning and tidying up before she got here. I left our bedroom until last and dumped all the laundry in there as I thought well why would she be in our bedroom? I also had all the families Christmas presents including MILs on the bed as again, didn't feel the need to hide them. I kept our bedroom door shut whereas all other doors in the house remain open.

Anyway, there were some mugs in our room which I noticed had been placed in the dishwasher. I asked husband and he said it wasn't him, I asked because I knew it probably wouldn't be him as it's not the type of thing he usually does as he's blind to mess.

So I'm pretty positive MIL opened our bedroom door and went in, she is always tidying up so she couldn't help herself but take the mugs downstairs.

1. I'm annoyed she let herself in our bedroom when we weren't there, feels like an invasion of privacy
2. I'm annoyed she's probably seen her Xmas present
3. I'm embarrassed as the room was such a mess as she arrived early so didn't get round to tidying it up
4. I'm annoyed she's so bloody nosy, there was no reason she needed to be in our room, she would have only seen the mugs upon opening the door and going in. If door was left open I wouldn't be annoyed

AIBU? Would you let yourself in someone's bedroom if the door was shut and they weren't in?

YANBU totally an invasion of privacy.

YANBU. Call her out on it and put her in her place. Nosy cow.

I'd be annoyed too. Not a need for her to be in your room.

Yanbu

When she opens her present apologise she already knew what it was, "but that's what you happens if you snoop in other people bedrooms!"

Let OH know that you are going to give her some ground rules about staying in your home then do it. It might be unsettling for both sides, but if she genuinely didn't mean to invade your space, then she will understand. If she believes she has a right to your space, have a combination lock fixed and put up with her mardiness or don't invite her.

"MIL, our bedroom is out of bound for guests. It is our private space and we intend to keep it that way. I am looking forward to your next visit, now that I have cleared that with you."

Thanks for your replies. I was just worried I was overreacting out of embarrassment that the room was a mess. When MIL came to our house for the first time after we moved in, she wanted a tour of the house, she walked around our bedroom opening drawers and the wardrobes. I just didn't know what to say at the time so let it go, however after this I really feel like the woman needs to know my boundaries.

Does she ever cross boundaries with other things, OP?

That's a really disrespectful thing to do, I'd feel exactly as you do.

Never leave her alone in the house again!

If you know she’s nosy leaving her alone in your home probably isn’t the best idea.

Yep, very direct chat needed.

But it would be better coming from her son with a very liberal use of the word 'we'.

'We are not at all happy with your going in our bedroom. It's an invasion of privacy. We'd hate to feel we can't leave you alone in our house unless you start snooping.'

By the way, though, chat or not, don't ever leave her in the house alone again! She'll snoop for Britain but just be more careful not to leave traces

People either automatically respect your space and treat you as adults or they don't. You know her attitude, so store up that knowledge and never trust her.

She opened drawers in your bedroom 😱
I mean, being charitable, maybe she's of a generation who don't keep condoms and sex toys in drawers in their bedroom but even so! Oh my god!
Bedrooms are private spaces. Nobody should ever go in another adult's bedroom without being invited.

I've asked both my mother and my (bossy) friend to not go in my bedroom. Both on different occasions ignored me completely with a breezy "I'm not looking! Don't worry!" And just helped themselves. They are now banned completely from the upstairs.

I agree with all the other posters but why can't your husband have this conversation with her? I dont see why you have to.
And no I would never go into someone's bedroom, even if the door was open I'd always ask (though can't imagine why I'd need to either).

How broad minded is she? I’d deliberately leave something out on the bed that she would see but wouldn’t be able to say anything about without incriminating herself!

I know I am annoyed with myself. We were in a rush to get to an appointment and I had a really bad headache so didn't really think it through... I forgot the true extent of her nosiness.

She tends to see things her way and if she doesn't have a problem with it then doesn't see why anyone else would. She doesn't tend to keep much private herself.

I caught my MIL snooping in my bedroom once. Red handed, going through one of my drawers. She thought I was busy in the kitchen and went in even though the door was shut. For as angry as I was, I thought my husband was going to explode. Cheeky cow.

I wouldn't have her in the house quite frankly. How some people have no boundaries regarding other people's privacy is beyond me really.

Anyway we replaced the door handles recently and they all have a very basic lock, enough to keep any nosies out! Try it.

Ask her why she went in, see what she says.

OP your DH needs to tell her that she is not to go into your bedroom. Ever.
And don't leave her home alone again.

My MIL went into my room once 'looking for slippers' and DH told her I would be raging that she'd worn my slippers and he was raging that she'd gone into our room. She huffed and puffed but he told her we have different boundaries to her she was clearly not even in the queue never mind at the back of the queue when boundaries were handed out

YANBU - this is probably the sort of thing my MIL would do TBF 🤦‍♀️

I would say to her “I’m so embarrassed about the state of our bedroom, sorry you had to see that, it’s just that you arrived early and I was going through the laundry on our bed. I really don’t expect anyone other than me and DH to go in there ever, even the kids don’t go in, that’s why we can leave presents in there, so I’m actually quite surprised you went in there and probably saw your present”
If she denies it, say “oh, that camera of ours is playing up again” 😉

I think you just never leave her in the house on her own again. She sounds like one who would get offended if you said something and then not change her behaviour anyway. So is it worth it?

@FizzyGreenWater

Spot on. Have DH call her ASAP while it’s still a fresh incident