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Original poster

Feeling a bit vulnerable and need advice

41 replies

wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 02:46

Boyfriend of over 10 years has gone away this weekend. He left yesterday morning and I've not heard from him since. It's almost as if I am out of sight out of mind. I need to have a chat with him when he finally returns sometime today, without having a row, but I'm really not sure what I feel. Part of me feels like I couldn't care less and he can do what he likes but a bigger part of me feels really sad that after all this time together he really couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone and at least let me know that he arrived safely. I know I could have rung him but the likelihood is that he wouldn't have answered his phone. Now I can't sleep with thinking about how to play this. Any advice?

OP posts:
Ilovenutellaaaaa · 15/12/2019 02:50

You would get a better answer of we knew where he had gone...eg has he gone away with work it's different to going away on a stag weekend

Op you sound a bit too dependant emotionally in him if him going away has left you feeling so vulnerable, maybe this weekend without him will be good for you too

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2019 02:52

Is there more of a backstory? Being on of touch for a day doesn't seem unreasonable to me, especially if he's travelling and is busy. I feel that your insecurity must be due to more than this. I agree that he should have been courteous enough to let you know he arrived safely, but might it be due to what he's doing?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2019 02:52

*Being out of tough

RowdyManGrand · 15/12/2019 02:54

This reply has been deleted

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araiwa · 15/12/2019 02:55

Maybe he is equally upset you havent contacted him either

BitOfFun · 15/12/2019 03:01

Perhaps you have different expectations of what level of communication is reasonable. Have you ever discussed it in the ten years you've been together? Is this the first time time you've been apart?

Original poster
wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 03:17

It's a Christmas do about a couple of hours away from our home. I just feel really uncared for and that I don't matter. He just really doesn't seem to give a thought that it would have been reasonable of him to give me a ring. Can't be bothered with this anymore - I've been checking out properties on Rightmove so have cheered up a bit as I will be able to afford to live on my own. I might as well be on my own cos he just doesn't give a shit. Thanks for your replies at this late hour.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 15/12/2019 03:24

Give the poor man a break. He's gone away for a weekend. He'll be back. Why does he have to check in?
If this makes you 'vulnerable' - vulnerable to what? - sounds like you need more time apart and to get a life. You could have been out with your own friends - gone to a film - behaved like an independent woman and not a clinging vine.

vivacian · 15/12/2019 03:30

This sounds like a bit of a borderline process OP or an attachment style. There’s no need to lose your boyfriend over this.

NerrSnerr · 15/12/2019 03:49

Does he go away often? I think it's unfair of hIm not to contact you at all. Has there been anything? Any texts?

NameChangedNoImagination · 15/12/2019 03:53

vivacian that sprung to mind too.

Unless there's a lot of other stuff going on, thinking about leaving over this is very extreme. I say from experience, focus on loving and nurturing yourself.

Original poster
wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 04:13

Lots of back story I suppose but this is the final nail in the coffin. In a way, although extremely sad that again he's proved he doesn't care, it's what I needed to finally get myself off my arse and move on. I have nothing to lose really as even when he's here he doesn't ask how I am, what I've done or even listen to me when I speak!! I just feel like I'm convenient and as I've said before - I'm out of sight out of mind. New Year looming - new life looming.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 15/12/2019 06:32

Good for you. There’s clearly lots of other issues do well done fir realising and getting a new life. Find someone who does care. Happy new year!

Original poster
wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 11:00

Still not heard from him!! The only way I'm not leaving is if he's been arrested or if he's in hospital. Maybe he wants me to leave so he's done this to push me even further.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/12/2019 11:07

If he was at a Christmas do he may not have even woken up yet

Original poster
wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 11:09

He left at 9am yesterday morning and hasn't made any contact. Thanks for trying though!!

OP posts:
greeentopmilk · 15/12/2019 11:11

You need to tell the backstory if there is one for accurate advice.

Going off solely what you have told us you are being unreasonable and dramatic.

You're not vulnerable to anything because your partner has gone away on a Christmas do and hasn't made contact for a day or so.

victorioussponges · 15/12/2019 11:13

Flowers You say there's a backstory - what are things normally like? What sorts of other have things made you think he doesn't care?

Original poster
wideawakebuttired · 15/12/2019 11:37

It's too long and embarrassing to put in writing as it's blatantly obvious that I should have left years ago and I can't bear to read the snidey comments that some people will write that I know will make me feel so bad about myself. I just feel after this weekend, that a text at least to say he's arrived safely would have been courteous. I find his latest behaviour rude, uncaring and thoughtless. So all in all - lots of plans to be made. At least it will keep me busy over Xmas!!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/12/2019 11:39

Yes, I did read that but was replying to your ‘still not heard from him’

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 14:08

I think this one is really hard to answer. You say there is a back story but don't want to share it. Fair enough. But then all we can go on is what you have told us. And on what you have told us I think you are are being completely and utterly unreasonable. 24 hours without a phone call is really not a something would leave a relationship over at all. (I do sense a massive drop feed coming though). Having said that you don't have to have a reason to leave a relationship. If you want out, then leave.

RandomMess · 15/12/2019 14:11

My DH is rubbish at keeping in touch even he can manage a text to say he's arrived somewhere!!!

No text at all is really crap when I assume you've had various prior conversations.

Thanks
MatildaTheCat · 15/12/2019 14:12

Only you know whether this is unacceptable or not and you clearly see that he’s not making you happy. Good luck with the next phase of your life.

fishonabicycle · 15/12/2019 14:19

There must be a lot more going on, otherwise 24 hours without contact is not particularly unreasonable.

CardsforKittens · 15/12/2019 15:01

It does sound like the background is the key to understanding what’s going on right now. I would be surprised if my partner didn’t text me, but I’d text him to say I hoped he was having a good time. It wouldn’t occur to me to feel neglected because he doesn’t generally neglect me.