My feed

to access all these features


to keep a family secret when it doesn't feel right

181 replies

MilleniumForce · 15/12/2019 01:18

I have good reason to believe a close family member doesn't have the Dad they think they do. They have a sibling that they think is their full sibling.

It is an open secret between their Mum and the Mum's siblings, although it isn't spoken about.

The man who brought this person up as their own doesn't think he is the Dad and took the split with the Mum very badly. He was planning on doing a DNA test surreptitiously but decided against it.

This family has a lot of secrets that just about everyone seems to know anyway but no one talks about.

I am torn about somehow telling this person that their father isn't who they think it is but, for purely selfish reasons, I am reluctant to do so because it would tear the family apart and I would be made out to the bad one.

AIBU to keep schtum?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

539 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
saraclara · 17/12/2019 20:51

I wouldn't want to know. It would be devastating and I can't think of a single good thing that could come of it.

saraclara · 17/12/2019 20:53

...And I world never forgive the person who told me. I would consider them to have behaved entirely selfishly.

Evilspiritgin · 17/12/2019 21:15


On the other hand if you gave someone (Child) bone marrow, 20 years later the recipients child does a dna test, you would/ could come up as granny and your children as aunts and uncle’s

I can see because of her past why op wants to do this and yes you can say the person in question has a right to know, I don’t think op should do this, it should be their parent

Sweetpea55 · 18/12/2019 07:15

My father had one brother and a lot of sisters, one of whom was adopted.
It was only after he had died that we found out that the adopted daughter was his own daughter. I could never tell my mum. She would have been so hurt. And I didn't want to tarnish her memory of him

Roselilly36 · 18/12/2019 07:24

Many families have secrets, often to prevent hurt, don’t stir the pot, keep out would be my advice.

selmabear · 18/12/2019 07:36

Don't do it! Chances are they probably already know.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.