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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OH and Christmas presents

76 replies

theworldhasgonecrazy1 · 14/12/2019 22:56

I really enjoy Christmas and giving presents I think people will like and have put a lot of effort into finding thoughtful things for OH. This morning he came in and said that he'd logged into my amazon account and looked at my order history to see what I had got him. I'm really annoyed and have said that I'm returning his presents as he's ruined the surprise and taken the excitement away from Christmas. I know we're adults but I also know that he doesn't get presents from his family and hasn't for quite a few years. This is our first proper Christmas together with DD and I wanted to make it special. AIBU for not wanting to bother getting him anything?

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 15/12/2019 11:14

@theworldhasgonecrazy1

OMG this would royally piss me off. DH has never done anything like this, and like a few previous posters, he doesn't even HAVE my amazon or ebay login details. Wouldn't want him looking - as I get quite a few gifts for him from these 2 places. (And also, I order stuff for others, like close family, and friends, and I am scared he may accidentally slip out what he has seen.) 😬

But yeah, what your OH did stinks, and as a few posters have said, smacks of attention-seeking, glory hunting, and being controlling.

I would do what @NearlyGranny said...

I wouldn't cancel his presents, OP, I'd just hand them over without a comment whenever they arrive, in the postal packaging. No fancy wrapping, nothing under the tree, no presentation.

So just give him the stuff, unwrapped, and in a plastic Asda carrier bag, and never get him any surprises again.

Well OK. I did not stop buying him presents. I stopped all the surprise element. I ask him what he wants for Christmas/birthday, give him a budget and tell him to order it himself. When it comes, he can do what he likes, have it then or later. I don't want to handle it. I won't wrap it or present it to him. He got what he wanted.

You could do this too. Just tell him to get his own. Doesn't want any surprises? Wants to know what he has got? Just let him get it himself. Alternatively, get him nothing.

What a tool. Definitely childish and attention-seeking. I also agree with many other posters that he sounds jealous, and is trying sabotage things for you. Horrible behaviour, and I can't believe a small handful of posters are saying his behaviour is OK.

It's either either a) they are people who pull the same shit as your partner. Or b) they have partners who do the same, and have been manipulated and gaslighted into thinking it's normal/acceptable behaviour. (It's not!)

NearlyGranny · 15/12/2019 14:55

itsmecathycomehome, did you miss the bit where he told OP what her presents from him were, too? Knowing how she loves surprises?

No way is that normal, let alone pleasant or loving. There is something seriously amiss with his attitude, I think.

itsmecathycomehome · 15/12/2019 16:16

"He's also told me exactly what he's bought me and showed me a few things when they arrived."

"itsmecathycomehome, did you miss the bit where he told OP what her presents from him were, too? Knowing how she loves surprises?"

No, I saw that too. I love surprises myself and work hard to buy - and hide them - from family and friends. I do understand why op is disappointed but it is a far, far leap from what he has done to claiming he is jealous of his baby and sabotaging Christmas.

theworldhasgonecrazy1 · 15/12/2019 18:52

@puds11 I haven't bought stuff he doesn't want... not sure where you read that. And I've bought him presents as no one else will, he grew up with a shit family who never cared and I want him to enjoy Christmas now that we have a family together.

OP posts:
Bagofworries · 15/12/2019 19:07

I couldn't get past my DH snooping in my online shopping history. Why would he do that in the first place?
I wouldn't dream of snooping into anyone else's online or real accounts.

melodypondisasuperhero · 15/12/2019 19:36

Ugh, why would he do that??? Even if he doesn't like surprises it takes all the joy out of it for the giver!

I accidentally found out something OH got me for Christmas (Alexa told me "your parcel including X item is due to be delivered today" - no tact that one), OH wasn't there and I haven't said a word, I'd rather pretend I don't know than ruin the fun of giving!

MissMoan · 15/12/2019 19:55

@MistyCloud it’s true! I’ve seen this with my own eyes. Poundland’s Seasonal or broken items reduced to the jaw-droppingly low price of 50p Grin So funny!

theworldhasgonecrazy1 · 15/12/2019 20:05

@melodypondisasuperhero How annoying! At least he'll still think you're surprised. Even if he wanted to look but didn't tell me I wouldn't mind as much but I just wish I'd not bothered really

OP posts:
momof4beayties · 15/12/2019 23:20

This reply has been deleted

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CustomerCervixDepartment · 15/12/2019 23:57

I can barely understand your atrocious spelling and punctuation choices momof4beayties (What is a ‘beayty?!) but did you mean to type that spending fifteen to twenty thousand pounds on an arbitrary day off in December is ‘NOT A LOT’? Jfc.

NotAVirtue · 16/12/2019 00:15

A grand on Christmas presents....fuck me?!

NearlyGranny · 16/12/2019 00:19

itsmecathycomehome, I'm not claiming anything; that would be presumptuous and ridiculous.

I was very careful to says 'It's an interpretation.' As in, this could be construed as jealousy of the baby (which actually seems quite a common phenomenon) but the behaviour is of course open to a variety of other interpretations.

Perhaps that wasn't a clear enough way to label the suggestion as just a possibility.

SheSaidHummingbird · 16/12/2019 00:21

momof4beayties I hope that's a terrible joke.

theworldhasgonecrazy1 · 16/12/2019 00:27

@momof4beayties if you say so.. Hmm

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 16/12/2019 00:36

I understand that you are disappointed but I think you need not to escalate this.

He clearly has not experienced loving and lovely Christmases before. You’ve got your idea of how to do Christmas but he doesn’t know how to do it your way.

Don’t play silly revenge games. Talk. Explain how you wanted it to happen.

And change your Amazon password!

gangsterwrapper · 16/12/2019 00:36

She’s posted the same crap all over, looking for a reaction? @momof4beayties.

Havaina · 16/12/2019 11:06

What is a pretty bitch? Grin

DappledThings · 16/12/2019 11:24

I always try and find out what my gifts are as I fucking hate surprises and the thought of opening gifts in front of people without knowing what it is makes me feel physically sick.

Yeah, I get that. I hate presents altogether. Including a surprise element only makes it worse. If I could find out what I was getting from someone before I got it I would.

PIL like lists. Our kettle recently developed a fault so I suggested DH ask them for a new one as a joint present to us so the surprise element is out for this year thank fuck.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/12/2019 11:28

He's also told me exactly what he's bought me and showed me a few things when they arrived

That's so annoying, what's the point in even wrapping them up and opening them Christmas day in that case?

Queenofthree · 17/12/2019 23:43

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Queenofthree · 17/12/2019 23:45

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midnightmisssuki · 18/12/2019 00:24

this would piss me off. I would return his presents!

BusyBB · 18/12/2019 00:38

My husband is not so good with technology and doesn't have his own Amazon account, so he used my account as it automatically logged on on the laptop. Not only did I see what he got me, by accident, I also saw how much it cost as he used the debit card linked to the account, my card. haha. at least he tried!

BeanTownNancy · 18/12/2019 00:44

@Havaina - I'm a bitch, but I look damn good while I'm at it.

flounce

user1471449295 · 18/12/2019 00:46

YANBU. It would piss me off too. Whether he is that bothered about Christmas and surprises or not is bedsides the point. You are, and have put thought and effort into it. It was quite cruel for him to go looking, and then to announce he has snooped as well.
Maybe have a convo explaining how you he has ruined the little bit of surprise you were looking forward to when he owned them, and that you enjoy getting presents.

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